• Mature • Assessing the Damage

[Rei'sari]

80th Zi'da, 720

Location: Order of the Adunih Clinic


Awareness returned to Ari'sora slowly. As she opened her eyes, she was greeted with the sight of the room she had found herself in the past couple of trials. She was a...guest? Prisoner? Patient? She was at the order of the Adunih clinic, and she would remain there until she had recovered from her emotional trauma. That was what she had been told if not in those exact words. And that meant that she would never leave. Ari'sora shuddered. She dragged her mind forcibly from that train of thought before it could make her scream.

Being lost in her thoughts as she was, she did not notice that she wasn't alone until someone cleared their throat quietly. Startled, Ari'sora's eyes widened a but as she turned to see who had made the sound. It was a man who appeared to be about her age, perhaps slightly younger. He was wearing a green cloak with a hood and some gold trim. Ari'sora was wondering what the gold trim on the man's cloak meant when he introduced himself as Bren.

"As one of the healers that have been assigned to your case, Isra told me that you are prone to panic attacks, and that she feels it is best to keep you sedated most of the time in order to help prevent those panic attacks. Is it okay if I administer your next dose now?"

Ari'sora considered the question for a few trills before nodding. It felt nice to be asked before she was drugged. When Bren asked her to extend her left arm, she obeyed quickly. She looked away as he administered the shot, but the brief pain was quickly forgotten as the haze from yestertrial when they sedated her to calm her down during a panic attack descended over her once more.

"As Bren said, under the circumstances, I have decided that we need to keep you sedated in order to keep you calm for the time being. That will prevent you from panicking again, and it should also keep you from becoming upset when we talk. The sedative is effective for eight to ten breaks, so it will have to be administered twice a trial until we have a better handle on things."

Isra paused to allow Ari'sora to take all of that in. Ari'sora wasn't sure what to think about it. She didn't much like the idea of being kept drugged all of the time because it reminder her of unpleasant memories when she was drugged against her will in the past. And she didn't really like the fact that Isra hadn't asked her if she was okay with being kept sedated most of the time before making her decision on the matter. But at the same time, she liked the idea of falling into another panic attack even less than she did the idea of being sedated. And if being kept sedated would prevent her from having another panic attack, she was willing to put up with the strange haze that slowed her thoughts and made it difficult for her to think clearly at times. More than willing. Besides, it was hard to care much under the calm haze she felt now.

"I would like you to drink this if you would." Isra said carefully as she offered Ari'sorn a wooden cup filled with steaming hot liquid.

"It is a ginger tea that has been sweetened with honey to counter the strong flavor of the ginger that was used to make it somewhat."

Ari'sora took the cup, and sipped at its contents. The tea was hot, and soothing. The ginger had a kick to it even with the honey to sweeten it, but it was a very tasty tea all the same. When she handed the empty cup back to Isra, the woman took it and set it aside.

"Ginger is an herb that we use to help with nausea. It is especially good for pregnant women who are suffering from morning sickness, It is my hope that it will help you with the nausea that you experience when faced with decisions that have three or more choices involved. We'll give it some time to work, and you can eat while we do that. Once you have finished eating, we will talk, okay?"

"Okay." Ari'sora agreed softly.

Ari'sora nodded again. Bren had left without her noticing it while Isra had been talking. But he returned now with a tray of food. Isra helped her to sit up in the bed, and the tray was set gently in front of Ari'sora.

Ari'sora began to eat her breakfast.

[Rei'sari]

80th Zi'da, 720

Location: Order of the Adunih Clinic


Once Ari'sora had finished eating, Isra moved the tray over to a nearby table.

"How are you feeling totrial?"

Ari'sora cringed at the question. She braced herself against the agonizing pain of throwing up again...but it never came. The overwhelming nausea that she had been expecting was simply...not there. She gave her healer a relieved look. Isra simply smiled back at her in satisfaction that the ginger tea had worked.

"I'm..."

She hesitated. Her first instinct was to say that she was fine. It was the polite response to that question, after all. And it would tell Isra that she didn't need to worry about her. It was also a lie, and she didn't lie. Not ever.

"Well, it would be a lie if I said that I was okay. But that ginger tea really seems to be working, and I feel better now than I did yestertrial."

Ari'sora hesitated again.

"Was that a test?" she asked softly.

Isra nodded.

"Yes it was. I needed to see if the ginger tea had taken full effect or not yet. And since it has...it's time for our talk."

Ari'sora looked apprehensive, but she nodded.

"Yestertrial, you mentioned making sacrifices during the events that took place in Ashan of 719. I would like to start with that."

Ari'sora nodded. Where to start? So much had happened, and she didn't know how much sense any explanation she might offer would make if she did not give the healer all of the information that she had. So she did. She thought back to the arrival in the waiting room only to realize that it hadn't started there at all.

Ari'sora told Isra of finding a crack in the air and getting pulled into it. She spoke of the maze she had found there, and of Shadow, a talking cat who had been the third friend she had ever had, as well as the first one that was able to talk. That required further explanation, and she told Isra about Haru, a nightpup that had been part of a litter that Ren'zar, her master had gotten as payment for something when she was a child. Haru had bonded to her, and Ren'zar had allowed her to keep her, giving him one more thing that he could hold over if he wanted to. She explained that Haru had been her first friend, and that over the arcs Haru had done her best to defend her against her master's and guardian's rage. That Haru's attempts to do so had saved her life on more than one occasion when she was a child. Then she spoke of the time that Haru had sacrificed her life to save Ari'sora.

That led into Ari'sora telling Isra about her second friend, Hotaru. How Hotaru was one of Haru's pups, the only one to survive her master's and guardian's rages. They had bonded over their grief at the loss of Haru, and to this trial, Hotaru was one of her closest friends. It was a different kind of friendship than she had with Shadow though because Shadow could talk, and she shared a lot of the same interests.

As she spoke, she realized how bad i would sound when she mentioned a "talking" cat. Not wanting the healer to think she was insane, she explained that it was whatever magic existed in the magic maze she had found herself in that had turned her into a talking cat, and that there had been other animals as well. Animals that had become the companions of other people who had been drawn into the maze the same way that Shadow had become her companion. She mentioned that the Alberach Kura had been one of the people to get pulled into the maze as well as some of the names of the others, and told Isra that she could ask any of them about the talking animal companions that only the people who had them and had shared the experience of the maze could understand.

She told Isra that while she herself had not managed to find the center of the maze, others had, and she somehow knew what had happened. She spoke of the winged man, and how Hart had helped him by putting the Twins to sleep and turning the winged man into a child somehow. From there, she explained that although she had not known who and what the Twins were during the time of the Maze, she later learned that they were Jesine and Kielik.

That led to the rest of it. How she had found her way to the waiting room in a dream. How she and Shadow had explored the Spooky house with a group of others, and how it was her fault that their guide had refused to come with them because she had asked too many questions. How the Shadow Beasts attacked.

Ari'sora paused at that. Even now she had occasional nightmares of losing Shadow. Of seeing her die and being helpless to stop it, or of searching for her endlessly in the Spooky House, knowing she would never find her. She didn't want to talk about it. Talking about it would make her relive the memories rather than seeing flashes of them as she was now. Her need to speak her thoughts warred with her need not to relive those memories again. It was in the past. Shadow was alive and well, waiting for her back home She would focus on that instead. It took several bits, and an act of will before she could speak again.

"I'm doing it again, aren't I?" she asked ruefully.

"Doing what?" Isra asked.

"Talking too much. It's one of the sacrifices that I made. I sacrificed my impulsiveness...it's something I got from my Avirel nature. And ever since I sacrificed it...if I feel pressured, I speak my thoughts. All of them. Whether they have anything to do with the situation at hand or not. I can't seem to help it."

Isra had been taking notes the entire time Ari'sora had been speaking, and she added a few more now.

"I can see why that would be a problem for you at times." she said slowly.

"But at the moment, it is helping you."

At Ari'sora's questioning look, she continued.

"I suspect that had you not made that particular sacrifice, you would not have told me as much as you have."

Ari'sora nodded.

"But these are all things that I need to know in order to help you. If you are ready to continue, I need you to tell me about the rest of the sacrifices you made as well."

Ari'sora nodded.

[Rei'sari]

80th Zi'da, 720

Location: Order of the Adunih Clinic


The rest had been something of a blur to Ari'sora, and she told Isra as much, even if she left out explaining just why it had been a blur to her. She had not known at the time that the Twins they were trying to wake up were the ones that had been in control of dreams. Nor had she known that Hart putting them to sleep had been the cause of everyone falling asleep and not waking up again. All she had known at the time was that she and the others who had responded to the call needed to wake the Twins up or bad things would happen. What the bad things were was not clear. Not to her, at least.

To that end, she and the others in her group had moved from room to room in a giant cathedral. There had been two in all. In each room there had been people or creatures that were connected to the elements in some way. Or maybe the tarot. Ari'sora hadn't been certain about that either. What was clear to her was that each of the creatures or people had required them to make sacrifices based on their element, which was fire. And so she had.

Ari'sora paused to gather her thoughts.

"There was no real guidance to what the sacrifices should be. Just that they be connected to fire somehow. You know of two of the sacrifices that I made; that of my impulsiveness, leading to me being unable to help speaking my mind when I feel pressured, and a sacrifice of anger. That's the one that causes me to be physically injured whenever I feel anger in any form."

Isra nodded.

"I also sacrificed part of my life. This means that I am going to die three arcs sooner that I would have otherwise. It also means...well...when I woke up after everything was over, I was twenty arcs older. But I helped to fix part of what was broken in Emea somehow by fixing my own dreams somehow. And when I woke up after the third dream, I was back to the way I am. More importantly, Shadow was back alive and with me once more. I really don't know how or why any of that happened, but I will be forever grateful to have Shadow back. And regaining my youth meant that I was able to keep my job at Luna's Dream orphanage."

Isra nodded and jotted a few notes down in her notebook.

"Another thing I sacrificed was my four pillars of fury."

Ari'sora paused, realizing that Isra would have no idea what that meant.

"It's...it's complicated." she said at last.

"But it means that I no longer feel anything towards Ren'zar, my master and guardian, my mother, and my sister, Mi'zuri. Nothing at all. I just...can't. And there are times that I think that that's a good thing. But there are other times when I wonder if it really is. Before the sacrifice, my feelings for them were...complicated."

Isra nodded. Once again, she jotted down a few notes. Ari'sora stared at the notebook for several trills.

"You've been writing down a lot of stuff in that notebook. Is it good stuff, or bad stuff?" she asked cautiously.

"Neither. It's just something that will help me to remember what you've told me. Does it bother you?"

Ari'sora considered the question for a few bith before shaking her head.

"Another sacrifice I made was...well...love. Sort of."

"Sort of? Isra questioned.

"I can still feel love for people, but I don't go looking for it anymore. And...well...I don't really want to feel it anymore either."

Isra nodded and took some notes.

"And finally..."

Ari'sora's widened as she realized something very important.

"I've been wasting your time, Isra. You can't help me, and I should have told you that first thing so you could have gone to see someone you would be able to help." she said apologetically.

Isra frowned.

"What makes you say that?"

"I can't recover from emotional trauma. Not ever. It's one of the sacrifices that I made. Talking to someone isn't going to help. Magic won't help. Nothing will. Well...not nothing. Just one thing. I have an ability that will allow me to lose one memory a cycle. It only works on things that can be helped by losing one single memory. But losing that memory also means that I will lose any trauma associated with that memory."

Isra looked at Ari'sora intently for a few trills as she processed what she had just learned. Then she jotted down some more notes.

"Are there any more sacrifices that you need to tell me about?"

Ari'sora shook her head.

"Well...just one more thing. It's about the way my own anger cuts into me. Any injuries I get that way have to heal naturally. No magic, or anything else can heal them."

After a few trills, Isra nodded.

"Well, you've certainly given me a lot to think about. Why don't you get some rest? We will talk again when I have a better idea of what our options are. I know you said one of the sacrifices you made prevents you from recovering from emotional trauma, but I refuse to believe that there are no ways to work around that. Not yet at least."

Ari'sora didn't know how to respond to that, so she just nodded.

[Avalon]

Review Rewards

Name: Ari'sora

Skill Review: All Skills used appropriate to level

Notes:

This is a well-written story with a lot of depth. As a reader, I really appreciate when a writer takes the time to consider everything and pull me into the scene.

Really pleased to see that there's been so much improvement since your last review, but unfortunately there is still the same issue with not keeping to the original goals and action steps that were set forth. In this piece, you mentioned Ari's inability to love or want to love. That was an original sacrifice that was dealt with in your PSF thread and was not included in the revision.

Going forward, we can't keep up this level of support, and it's unfortunate that there are still these issues.

Having discussed this with Pegasus, Basilisk and other staff, the decision is that you may continue this plot line of getting Ari out of the solitary confinement under the following restrictions:

1. You adhere to the original 7 sacrifices that were agreed upon. As we've pointed out before, bringing up new symptoms/sacrifices that didn't carry forward doesn't help Ari.
2. You meet points 1 - 5 as per the PSF
3. You are aware that you have more than exceeded Stage 1 here and any future solos that overplay, etc, OR which do not adhere to 1 - 5 will take you to Stage 2 and will not accrue any knowledge or points. I can't stress enough that you MUST pay attention to the details of the instructions given to you.

Focus on the positive improvements you've made, emphasize those, and get Ari out of the Order.

For this review, because of not adhering to the guidelines agreed upon, I cannot award you xp or knowledge.


If you have any questions, comments, or concerns regarding this review, feel free to PM.

Avalon

[Jackalope]

This thread was an engaging read, and one starts to feel as if Ari’sora is on the path to some sort of recovery.

That said, problems remain. Pegasus gave you a list detailing the issues of Ari’s arising from her sacrifice (seven of them) that she wished you to focus on. In this thread, as in previous ones, you broach an issue that is not on that list. Granted, it was part of Ari’sora’s original sacrifice, and Ari only mentions it to Isra conversationally, but its appearance in any form still represents a failure to stick to the plan laid out and agreed upon.

Regrettably, I can no longer sustain the effort needed to support this original plan. As Avalon will note in her review, there has been a discussion with the staff, and they have made a decision about how Ari may proceed from this point on. Those guidelines will be in her review.

There is a lot of improvement in this thread; however, it does not get us back on the intended course. It is still possible for Ari to get out of the Order of Adunih, and I hope she does; however, the scheme of support hitherto involving Pegasus, Avalon, and myself will not continue.