• Solo • Worlds Away

[Shl'Drei]

1st Cylus, Arc 721

It was one of those slow, never ending trials that Shl’dri had nothing planned. Leora hadn’t made a peep when he left, in fact she was oddly quiet. He was worried, her glow seemed to dim a bit before he left. There wasn’t much for it though as he needed the time to himself so he’d made sure she was stocked on water and the like then left for Scalvoris town. Alone, Shl’Drei seemed to spiral down- there was no one to distract him from the hurt or no excuse not to be in pain or show no weakness.

He wandered aimlessly, in an out of awareness- his eyes were almost vacant, no focus or interest in perceiving. He simply existed, detached. The pump of his heart was steady but his mind was a mess of different paths. Why had he done so much bad? What was the future even like for him? Did he have one? Somewhere he registered Liam’s death had cracked something- the events around it had cracked something.

He found himself hesitating when people asked for help, especially if the circumstances weren’t clear. He found less in enjoyment in mystery- he could only see all the danger and what that danger could mean… could cost. Immortals domain, he was a right mess. He doubted everything, questioned everything.

By the time Shl’Drei had his awareness back he had no idea where in Scalvoris town he was, just that his legs were a little tired and his heart had started to ache with his thoughts. Still he kept going, a few breaks in the town couldn’t hurt him- his social battery was full and needed draining anyway.

Pulling himself out of the trance was hard as he had nothing to latch onto to anchor himself. He realized he’d made mistakes in the past- were they so egregious that his present and future, the ones he cared for should suffer? Possibly. Probably… Most likely. Now that he was a lone it all came back, the guilt and shame. The hate and anger.

But it wasn’t isolated towards Liam’s death, no, the caracal had made it clearer but he wasn’t the cause. Shl’drei, for all his life, was never one to blame someone if he thought something was his fault. And as far as his tiny mind could comprehend, it was most definitely his willingness to help blindly that had killed his most trusted friend and companion. A life entrusted to him- one he had indirectly taken. For all that though, Shl’drei had long stopped crying. There was nothing left to give, to say, to do. So why was he still alive? Why was he still making it, existing in the world?

He had Leora, he’d remind himself. She was just as important.

He’d raised them both from pups and kittens respectively, his time fending for himself in the wild came back in that moment. Shuna would be so disappointed- no, angry, that he’d killed her kitten. The big wild cat had taken care of him in her own strange way- she’d kept him alive in the wild until he made it to the next city. It was… tough, to say the least. Keeping up with her, keeping himself fed and hydrated. Oftentimes he was starving and cold and dirty. All because of that man- his father. Still, Azeraj’s abuse and manipulation had done one thing right; led him to leave home.

But Shl’drei knew the whole time he was with shuna, the starving and barely surviving self that couldn’t contribute anything, it was a happy self despite. That happiness, that completion of his heart… Where did it go?

[Shl'Drei]

After a bit or two, he recalled that the main reason for his Scalvoris town stay… Right, there was someone named Stan… he couldn’t recall hearing last name now that he pondered it. Regardless, that person was a rumored conduit for the immortals. He heard that Stan was commonplace around town, and had ventured off to question him. Unfortunately, he couldn’t find his way around well. He definitely tried, but without help… His spiral hadn’t helped and he was terribly lost actually.

Panic set in faster than one might expect for a man of his size. He looked everywhere, but because of his appearance most people hurried away from him or worse- told him to leave. He’d lost considerable weight, he looked horrible- eye bags, red and puffy form tears, skin a little dirty, disheveled hair and clothing… The only thing he could say is that he didn’t smell like a bum. Immortals, he must look much worse than he thought.

In his panic, he began to question himself out loud albeit quietly. He barely registered a tap on his shoulder - it was more prominent once he heard someone speak. He turned around, hopeful the person wouldn’t be discouraged by his looks, but found no one.

“Down here, if you will.” Ah, he looked down, and there was a small tunawa before him. He tilted his head in curiously- he’d never seen one, much less talked to one. He spoke again, a familiar arrangement, but Shl’drei shook his head and interrupted.

“I can’t speak or understand scalveen. I can speak common tongue though, if you can,” He shrugged, but looked down hopefully, though he lowered himself to one knee in what he hoped wasn’t rude. He just figured the tunawa’s neck might ache looking up at him from so low.

“Oho, pardon my assumption,” Shl’drei shook his head to reassure he did nothing wrong and the tunawa continued. “You know of it, though. That’s often a good first step. Asides, I would like to ask a favor if you don’t mind? I need some help- Nothing serious, just some book moving and tidying, if you’re willing.”

He tensed for just a moment when the tunawa mentioned help, but relaxed soon after. Thank immortals, he thought as he nodded. “Of course, lead the way.” He didn’t feel inclined to help anyone after the events of Faldrass, more so if the circumstance and danger was unclear as the trip had been. But this tunawa was the first to speak to him without judgment, so he accepted quickly. Oh, but his manners. “I’m Shl’drei, it’s a pleasure to meet you..?”

“Oh yes, my apologies. I am Stan," He started, shocking Shl’drei. Was this.. That Stan? If so this was his chance to investigate! “I’m head priest at the Glass Temple, our destination.” Yeah, this had to be him. He followed Stan inside where he was lead to a back room, it was absolutely trashed- a mess of paper work and books. “Somehow it got this way, I suspect one of my guests.”

“Whoa… Well, I suppose we should start immediately then. How do we start?”

“I suppose piling them into order of immortals would be first, however the paperwork pile is mine to sort. Should you find a stray sheet, just place it in the stack pile. That should get us started.” Stan explained well enough that Shl’drei got the gist. He had turned his lantern off after entering, but he set it by the door of their current space before he rolled up his sleeves and started to work. “Were you perchance lost? You looked so I assumed I could help.”

“Ah, yes actually. I was a bit occupied mentally,” Shl’drei shrugged tensely. If Stan caught it he made no mention and fluttered to the papers for organizing. “And I wound up farther than I’d ever been in town. I hope you don’t mind me asking, but would you happen to not the way back to the central hub?”

“I see, I’ll be sure to lead the way once we’ve finished up. It seems you have something heavy on your mind,” Shl’drei whipped his head up at that- was it obvious? Stan was looking at him, but he shook his head and went back to the papers as he continued. “I’m head priest for a reason, my boy. More importantly though, if you don’t wish to speak of it I shall drop the subject. I am here to listen however, if you need to talk.”

For a few bits of silence, Shl’drei considered himself as he worked. Stan had yet to judge him, or make him feel lesser. He’d also been, so far, very open and understanding of Shl’drei and his mindset. He allowed Shl’drei the ticks to compose himself. “It couldn’t hurt, I suppose.”

[Shl'Drei]

"I was there," Shl'drei started. He waited a few trills to collect his thoughts. Inhale, exhale. "The eruption on Faldrass, I mean. I was part of the recovery group. It... it broke something in me, losing him." He wouldn't cry, he couldn't. "I just. I feel like I failed him, you know? If I had been more careful, more alert or prepared... All those what ifs just keep piling up. I don't know how I'm still alive. Could I have saved him by taking his place? What will I do without him? He was my best friend, my most treasured companion, and he was entrusted to me. I let them down, no matter how I look at it." He sighed, defeated and frustrated, angry and hurt. He had regrets sure, but he was.. he was just disappointed in himself. He failed Shuna, He failed Liam, he was failing Leora. Could he be anymore pathetic?

In his youth, the silver spoon was given. It wasn't earned and it sure wasn't worked for. He had things handed to him left and right. The past, wasn't happy though. He was happier when he left behind that spoon, and the hand holding it. He was proud, for a few arcs, about how far he'd come, how he'd grown and changed. But had he really? Losing Liam had opened his eyes- he was a fool, a coward, and a failure. He could see now what he couldn't then, and the result was a despair and regret. A survivors guilt, but something more twisted and festering. It was as if all that pain, all that hate, had come to the edge and finally tipped over. He couldn't bare it. Not alone.

"I wish I hadn't," His eyes watered, unshed tears. He sniffed, inhaled sharply. Pain. Pain. Pain. He knew, somewhere, that Liam wouldn't want him to sulk. He was supposed to lead his pack, reassure them, be strong. But here, now... He was a vulnerable, pathetic, spineless mess. And that hurt the most, knowing that even now... even now... "I'm still disappointing him," he croaked sorrowfully. Tears spilling over as he wiped at his eyes.

"You need to be more conscious of yourself, my boy." Stan said softly, thinking a gentle approach best. Much like the beasts and animals Shl'drei tamed, he was unpredictable. He needed a kind approach, force would only push him away. He hated showing his weakness, hated being vulnerable. But he hated himself right now, more than all of that. Shl'drei swiped his eyes dry before he looked up, finding Stan still seemingly immersed in his work. "You feel like the weight of everything should be yours, do you not have others who rely on you and you in turn rely on? Or are you so blinded by grief and loss that those who need you, those who you need, are being pushed away?" Stan's tone was inquisitive, not the slightest bit accusatory or malicious. It gave the human pause.

"What do you mean?"

"Well. Grief is something that each soul processes differently. Loss has a different weight to all involved, and it has many factors, my boy. What is it that you're truly upset about? Which loss, unique to you, is the forefront? What emotion is most promeneit when pitted against others, and thought about? Don't answer that my boy," He interrupted, just as Shl'drei started to speak. "Think about it. Actually think now, my boy. Give it time, ruminate, consider. Then, when you have found the answer things will be easier. The answer alone doesn't solve the problem. It is your response to the answer, you'll find, that eases that pain. 'Dwell not on what could've been, but what will be'." The tunawa recited.

For a few bits they worked in silence as the wheels in Shl'drei's mind began to turn. What did the tunawa mean? He was clearly angry, right? He was clearly upset and hurt, right? Think, give it time, ruminate, and finally consider. He guessed that, if he focused on the problem too much, the solution became
muddled and unclear. Similarly, he supposed that Stan was telling him to think, not overthink, his position. He supposed that meant to be mindful, but how? Again, he shook his head. That qualified as over thinking- it wasn't helpful to anyone, much less himself. He inhaled, breathed out. What was he doing wrong? No, better, what had he done right? He'd loved, cared, and lived? But he was so against the idea of life because... because what? Liam died so he had no reason to live?

But that was a lie, wasn't it? A falsehood he used to distract himself. Leora still needed him. He still wanted to do things in life. He didn't have a concrete answer- it was a feeling, a generality. A thought without words, a face without features. He still wanted a family. He still had places he wanted to see. He couldn't just give up, not now. Not here. Liam.. he had died. It hurt, but the fact was there. More over, he had died early, alone, and afraid. Shl'drei couldn't hope to understand what was going on in his head as the human left him behind. He knew, no, he hoped, that wherever Liam had gone he was content. He wanted.. he wanted a second chance, a chance to save him but the big cat was gone, and Shl'drei knew that he needed to find some closure, some amount of peace, in that fact.

So he sat down, Stan across form him, and he cried. Behind the closed door, with nothing but acceptance and relief, he cried. Amongst the books and endless words, logs of the immortals and the world, he cried. And Stan did nothing more than smile softly, sadly, and offer his ear.

[Shl'Drei]

He laid his sorrows bare then, let himself be vulnerable without judgment. Weak? No, it took strength. A mighty strength, to admit where he had twisted himself. Where he had started down the wrong path, the unfair path- to himself and those around him. Dwell not on what could've been, but what will be, Stan had said. It was... enlightening. He supposed then, that Stan was very devout. It made sense, given his position as head priest. He was insightful, caring and kind. More importantly, he was understanding and approachable, willing to lend his ear. Shl'drei had never wailed so much, never exposed himself so much to anyone.

And he was stronger for it, lighter for it. it was soothing, refreshing might be the better word. He felt that the void - the unknowns in his heart - were closing, and it brought him a sense of peace he could've never gained alone. He took the wipe from Stan gratefully as he calmed down. His muscles relaxed, his eyes were red and puffy, but he felt... fine, again. Whole, again. He thanked Stan, who said nothing but gave him a smile. He got off the floor after he had wiped his face, pocketing the small handkerchief afterwards and returning to the task at hand.

Immortals, he had a very... vague view on them to say the least. What were they? Why, were they? Besides them being all powerful and possibly all knowing, what made them tick? Were they just... normal people with more capabilities than a mortal? He rolled his shoulders as he put another similar book in the pile. "You know a lot about Immortals, right?" A silly question to be sure, Stan was head priest for a reason. But it stood that it could be a way to safely open the topic he had on his mind. More specifically the rumor. Still, Stan had been more than kind, and the last thing he wanted to do was offend him. "Can you, maybe, tell me more about them?"

"Anyone in particular?"

"Well, yes and no. I'm not very knowledgeable in the subject, and I'm not particularly devout," Redirect, that's probably offensive! "That is, I do pray. And there are Immortals who I feel inclined towards. It's just... with so little know, can I truly call myself a worshiper?"

"Well, the Immortals as you probably know are leaps above mortals. Most have their own domain, or something they believe in or are otherwise connected to. Immortals can bless others with their talents, though such thigs are rare. There are plenty of them, some of them lesser known or less liked, and some otherwise. These are generalities, mind, but its the gist." Stan spoke clearly, but with a hint of enthusiasm. He clearly had knowledge, and Shl'drei was more curious than ever. Stan probably had more than just a passing connection if he knew so much, right? A conduit... Perhaps it was possible?

"Have you ever ever, uh, communicated with an Immortal? ...summoned one, maybe?" It was then that Stan laughed, an airy sound, but full of amusement and disbelief. Shl'drei flushed a bit, but continued to work. Perhaps he was getting closer to the truth? Stan seemed like the forthright sort so... maybe?

Immortals aren't creatures that come when called, my boy," He said breathlessly, chuckles dying down. "Much less something to summon. They have their own will, minds, and make their own decisions. Though, I've heard of them appearing before those worthy enough to catch their eye." The tunawa shrugged, but their was a hint of excitement and about him now.

"Really? have you ever..?" Shl'drei trailed off, eyeing the tunawa curiously. Had Stan ever met one? Had he seen them? He was good to rule out Stan being a conduit. Why would someone hide something so impressive? He could be well known and respected- well. more than he was already, if he was. Then again, Stan hardly seemed the type to chase fame.

"I've heard stories, recorded some too. There are of course, some that have no truth in them. But I firmly believe that some aren't fabrications. A young woman named Faith, if memory serves, met the immortal Vri in this very temple. Most commonly, it's Vri, Cassion, and Delroth that are seen. It brings many to the temple," The tunawa explained. He was curious as well it seemed, and he flittered about under a desk before motioning for Shl'drei to come closer. "For instance, this book here. I have some dates and meetings listed. Feel free to take a look, if you're so inclined."

Shl'drei moved closer, lifted the book on the desk and opened to the first page. As Stan had said, there was a log of possible sightings, each with its own date and any information Stan had gathered. He scanned and flipped trough the pages carefully, intrigued by the supposed sightings. He hummed, but then admitted. "I heard a rumor," he started slowly, catching Stan's attention. "People were saying you were a conduit. I got curious, honestly. Though, it became much more enlighten and much more refreshing than some simple rumor hunting. I'm glad I was nearby, I'm glad I heard it, but I'm sorry I wasn't honest with you."

He caught the tunawa mid shrug with his apology. Stan was very understanding of the situation, despite the obscured truth. "Well, I'm not conduit, though it does explain your questions. I suppose my devout work has conjured a few imaginings. In so far as I'm concerned, as long as it isn't malicious or harming of someone I don't see the issue with it."

"I figured," Shl'drei chuckled. He closed the book and put it back, thanked Stan, and went back to work. "By the way, you seem fluent in Scalveen."

"Yes?"

"Would you be willing to teach me? I can pay you -"

"No need for that, friend. We can certainly do some lessons, just stop by and I'll let you know when I'm free."

OOC

Teaching of Scalveen approved by Pegasus.

[Shl'Drei]

Breaks later, and after a few breaks of rest in between, Shl'drei and Stan had managed to sort everything. It took three, three and a half more breaks to get everything on the shelves, but the reward was worth it. He was nice and warm thanks to the exercise! Once the last book was in place, Shl'drei let of a huff of pride. He wiped away some sweat, and turned to find Stan more or less done filing the paper stacks. Those stayed there, on that particular desk. Stan had thanked him but Shl'drei had waved it off- Stan had done more for him in these few breaks than anyone had his entire life.

There was still time left in the day, so once Shl'drei had sat to relax and Stan had finished his papers, he proposed a short lesson. The human had agreed eagerly, but then changed his mind. "No, it's a little late. I should beheading back to the proper. Not to mention I have nothing to take notes on. Though I'll come back as soon as I can, I'm looking forward to it."

Stan shared the sentiment, and with everything done had led him back out, where he collected the shabby lantern and his cloak, which he wrapped himself in tightly. The tunawa seemed pleased to have made a friend, and Shl'drei was likewise inclined. Stan was a very kind person, and very helpful. Shl'drei guessed it came form experience and with age, but he made no assumptions or moves to ask. He was content to walk in the silence tot he proper, and once they were thier he thanked Stan again for his time and wisdom.

The tunawa had mentioned he was free to visit whenever, and Shl'drei was likely to take him up on that very soon. For the moment though, he waved as the tunawa flitted back to the Glass Temple and started on his way home.

!	Message from: Peg
	Approved for the Scalveen knowledge / living here bonus of being awarded the language. Shl'drei has found that Stan is not a "conduit" to the Immortals. However, looking through that book of dates etc tells him that there have been a lot of Immortal sightings here in this Temple. If even half of them are half true, it's still a lot. There's something special, something else. Surely?

[Balthazar Black]

Review Rewards

Name: Shl'Drei

Points awarded: 10 (No Magic)

Skill Knowledge: Navigation: Landmarks and Nearby Buildings
Investigation: Discreetly Asking Questions
Investigation: Following up on rumors
Investigation: Direct Questioning
Meditation: Being mindful of yourself and your inner thoughts

Non-Skill:
Stan: Head Priest of the Glass Temple
Location: Glass Temple

Renown: None.
Loot: None.
Injuries/Overstepping: None.
Wealth Points: N/A
Skill Review: All Skills used appropriate to level

Notes: I really enjoyed the opening of this thread and Shl’drei reflecting on Liam's death. I enjoyed the way you portrayed Shl'drei's grief and how he was processing the responsibility of the loss. I think you did a great job of portraying the way people around Scalvoris reacted to Shl'drei's disheveled appearance and portraying his lack of familiarity with his surroundings. I would have liked to see a little more explicit effort to track Stan down since Shl'drei was intentionally looking for Stan. Encountering him by luck is plausible, and I think a good way to go, but when the goal was to find him and then he finds you it seems a little too easy. That being said I loved the interaction between Stan and Shl'drei. I think Stan gave Shl'drei great advice and enjoyed their short discussion about the immortals. Great thread!

If you have any questions, comments, or concerns regarding this review, feel free to PM. Enjoy your rewards!