After Effects

[Faith Augustin]

30th Ymiden, 718

He'd been back a few trials before he'd finally collapsed.

Even with her medical knowledge, Faith hadn't seen it coming straight away and that scared her more than she cared to admit. He'd had trouble sleeping, but then they'd gone out chasing a meteor, got lost, come home. Things had been pretty situation normal for them before that. Yet once they'd got back he'd gone downhill pretty quickly and that she'd seen. His hands were trembling, his sleep disturbed and he'd woken from a nightmare the night before - and had been terrified in a way Faith had never seen him. Faith and Cyrus had shared a concerned glance as he'd spilled tea due to the shaking of his hands at breakfast and she'd tried to talk to Padraig about it. But, of course, he was fine. He reassured her, assured her, he was even telling the truth when he said it. She knew him, inside and out and she knew that he believed it when he said he was fine, everything was fine, it was just a readjustment.

Faith, because that was who she was, who they were, did not argue with him. Instead, she'd held on to his hand and supported him the best way she could. Cyrus hadn't taken quite that approach, Faith thought. Yet, within a short space of time, the shaking had stopped and he'd turned to her with a smile - to reassure her she was sure. Except, of course, that he'd literally crumpled where he stood and both Faith and Cyrus had moved and caught him.

When he woke up, it was in their bed in the attic in their home on Scalvoris. They'd agreed to move to Rharne, but that hadn't happened just yet. He was propped up on pillows and Faith was sitting in a comfortable chair next to him, reading a book. The sun was in entirely the wrong place, of course and as he stirred, she looked up at him with a hundred emotions in her silver and ruby eyes. "Hey, you," her words happened as she put the book down and moved so that she was next to him, in his arms. "It's been two trials," she said, softly. He had been sleeping, in a sense, though he had slipped in and out of consciousness, too.

Sitting there together, she was quiet, not pushing him to tell her anything. He would, or he would not and her pushing would achieve nothing. So, she turned on to her side, nestling in close to him. Her hand reached for his and she looked down at their fingers entwined there together. There were a thousand emotions in those hands, she knew, both of them. Feeling her head rise and fall with his breathing as he just held her there a moment, she didn't say anything, just experienced the moment between them.

When he was ready, he'd say what he was going to say and tell her what he would. Until then, this was just fine.

[Padraig]

Within a trill or so of opening his eyes again, it came back to Padraig. The last thing he remembered, the thing that had happened, what he'd seen before he collapsed. He'd been turning towards Faith, about to say something to her and in a flash, he was back out there, alongside the barrier and face to face with something both terrible and miraculous. And then it was gone, and here he was at home in his bed, staring at the ceiling with Faith by his side.

"Two trials?" he said groggily, and in part he wasn't sure he believed it. And on the other hand there was a sense of having been there before. "Three fewer trials than last time, then," he uttered, and still wasn't completely back to himself. He looked at Faith and smiled, placing his hand over hers where it was resting upon his chest. Two trials and he still felt exhausted. Strange, considering he'd been driven. Driven to distraction in fact since he'd been back from the expedition.

Were the children alright, he asked as he struggled a bit to prop himself up in bed. Padraig was keenly aware of the way he shouted out when he woke in the night with a start. To say the least. Several times it had woken the children and he was starting to wonder if he was frightening them. It was the last thing he wanted. He was their father, he should be a source of comfort and feeling safe. There were times he could barely hold a cup of tea without spilling or dropping it.

On the other hand, he'd been full of energy since he'd been back. Compelled, driven, and as a result short with Cylus when his grandfather tried to get his attention and pull him back to some sane, or at least less driven middle ground. Taking a deep breath, Padraig turned his head and looked at Faith. "How much did Professor Dashiell tell you about what happened out there? Anything? Did she use the scroll?" he asked. "She said she wouldn't. But I thought that she might anyway."

He realized that there were things going on with him that he had no hope of concealing. And he didn't want to hide those things from Faith. It was only that he didn't know where to begin, or how to explain things that were so far out of the realm of the ordinary, that surely she'd think he was mad. Even Esme at first had thought that what he'd seen and experienced must have been a figment of his imagination. Who knew now, how much of it his fellow professor embraced as truth? "She may have thought I was mad," he said tiredly. "There were times I might have agreed with her."

Except, he told Faith, that what he'd experienced out there was real, and not a figment of his imagination. It was all in his notes, his observations and those of his fellow researchers, the charts and measurements and images and countless other documents that they'd created and collected from the time they'd left the docks to the time they returned. "I passed through it," he said, finally. "The barrier. I passed through it alone and I saw things that..I don't even know how to describe it." It was like a world that was inside out, viewed from its core and where the science was not their science and the laws of physics were not their own.

"There were things there Faith that...Creatures," he said, sitting up in the bed a little bit more. "Dragons...It's the only thing I can pull out of my mind's eye to describe them. If you took the most fantastical and terrible version of a dragon from the darkest of mythical stories about them, and make it a dozen times darker and more terrible along with the size of them...It wouldn't do them justice." And they were in his head, still, he thought. Calling to him. "I don't know how long I was in there. It felt like a few bits and no more...But if all other reality there is unlike our own, then surely time..."

He shook his head then, and frowned deeply. He was doing a poor job of explaining. And then he spotted his sea chest in the corner. In there was the large volume of notes, calculations, observations and drawings that had been amassed from the moment they'd sailed away from Scalvoris to the moment they returned home. Everything they'd seen and experienced, from the lights in the sky, to the journey home. His observations, and notes about the observations of others. About the other barriers, the sea life...all of it. Where he was unable to observe and take notes himself...such as when he was sleeping or when he passed through the barrier? Esme's or Pippa's observations filled in the blanks.

"It's hard to explain...It's all there. The largest collection of bound papers in the chest. All of it from the time we left to the time we returned." After he'd woke on board the ship, not only had he described to Esme, Pippa and Lorilei what he'd seen and experienced. He'd sat with the artist and described it again, watching over the man as he'd brought the images and experiences to life. Those drawings occupied the last handful of pages in the book. "I'm not sure what's happening to me, Faith. But if there's an answer, it's somewhere in those pages."

Look through them, he meant. Take a break or two, take all trial or all night if she wanted. There were countless times that he'd wanted nothing more than for her to be there, experiencing it all with him, right beside him. This, maybe, was a way for her to see what he'd seen.

[Faith Augustin]

Three fewer trials than last time? What did that mean? He'd passed out before? There was no hiding her emotions from him, the links they shared via their Immortals granted marks meant that he felt what she did and she, what he did. So she understood just how terrified he was when he woke up. Since he'd got back, though, his thoughts had been scattered and chaotic, she knew that. But she also knew that it was not hers to pry; it wouldn't help, either. He was sorting things through the best he could and her interfering would not make things better. Though now? Now she thought that they'd come to a head sufficiently that she could express her concern, offer her help in a practical manner. "The children are fine," she replied, honestly. "You're more worried than you need to be, but we can deal with it, until this passes." He didn't like shouting and seeming vulnerable in front of them, she knew. It was about him being strong and unwavering in their eyes, a source of safety and support, not fear.

No, Faith said, Esme hadn't used the scroll or said anything to her. All that she knew was what he had told her which, at this point, wasn't much. When he turned to her, though, to ask about Esme, the worry on her face was evident. He looked tired, exhausted. Emotionally, physically, just at his wits' end and Faith's fingers tightened in his.If Esme Dashiell thought he was mad, though, she told him with a slight smile, then she should attend to her own business and not be picking on him. The worry and concern Faith was feeling was building by the moment, as she waited for him to tell her what he wanted to.

And then, he spoke and he started to tell her.

He'd gone through? Faith sat up and looked at him in some surprise. He'd gone through alone? A thousand questions skittered through her head at that point, but she didn't speak them, just let him talk. He was struggling with it, trying to find the words to explain something which couldn't be explained in words. He pointed to the chest and told her about his notes and Faith nodded. "I will. I'll read them all, every one. But you can show me, share it with me." She was blessed by Vri, as he knew, and that meant that she had abilities, granted by Vri, around memories. She stood up and moved over to her dressing table. Faith, as a rule, did not do ornamentation, she saw no point in it. Frivolity was not her way of being - so there were no little trinkets laying around. Yet, she collected memories and had long before she became marked by Vri. So, reaching into the drawer in her dresser, she pulled out a small bottle. Moving back over to the bed, she sat down and put it in his hands.

"It's the empty bottle of the tincture you gave me for bathing the cat," Faith said and she placed her hands over his. "The stuff I put in the bath." A smile lifted her lips. "I hid it, under my mattress in the storage cupboard, because it was something you'd given to me and that made it precious. I shouldn't have, it was not appropriate behavior for a slave." She was not permitted to own anything after all, she said. Nor was she allowed to bring him food each lesson and she was most certainly forbidden from being in love with him. Yet nothing changed the truth of all those things. But right now, she said, they could use her shocking disobedience and flagrant flaunting of social rules. "Memories are tangible things, Padraig. They exist and have weight. Substance. Sometimes, that's why they weigh you down and other times, lift you." She smiled at him, although to her it was as real as if she'd told him that blood was a liquid.

"I can see it, if you'll let me? Put your memory in there.I'll show you how." Shifting so that she was kneeling next to him, facing him and her hands and his both holding the vial which had come from Mr Spekkle's shop in Andaris all those trials and arcs ago, she talked him through what he had to do. Close his eyes and concentrate, just concentrate on her voice. The technique she had learned from the masters in Athart was to put her emotions into her hands. Now, Faith taught the man who shared her soul how to put his memory into his. She knew when it was done, because the memory was there, to her eyes. Like a mist held inside the vial. "You can open your eyes, now, you've done it." Faith said and she watched him carefully, checking that he was still happy for her to see.

And she touched the bottle.

It was all it took and she saw it. Saw what he saw. It wasn't a Grand Memento this, it didn't allow her to experience it, but Faith paled as it all hit her. What he had done, what he had seen. Tears stood in her eyes as she carefully, slowly, put the vial to one side and then she scooched forward and took hold of both his hands. "I am so proud of you. Of who you are and what you do. Don't you ever, ever listen to such nonsense as the argument that you have a wife and children as a reason for not doing. I hope and pray that we give you more impetus, not less." Yes, it seemed that was where she focused. It wasn't, of course, but that needed saying first.

"I'll read it all, I promise you," while he slept, which Faith thought he would over the next few trials. A lot. But right now, with images of creatures in her mind, of lakes with holes and a hundred things which didn't make sense, she frowned. "I wish I'd been there with you... but I see them. They are what's in your dreams?" Faith breathed in and nodded. "Two questions then. Will you let me help you feel better and," she lifted a hand to his cheek and looked him directly in the eyes. "What do we do next in this search, husband?"

[Padraig]

"They shouldn't be startled out of a peaceful sleep in the dead of night, to the sounds of their father crying out like a lunatic," Padraig insisted when Faith told him the children were fine. Yes, children were resilient, but they also had longer memories he thought than anyone gave them credit for. And the twins were simply too young to understand. "And if it doesn't pass?"

After all, out there, he'd sensed and intuitively known that the more he subjected himself to those dreams and nightmares, the more likely they'd be to stick with him for the long haul. He'd considered the heightened risk to be the cost of learning and progress. But now? It was bothersome to say the least. And her suggestion that he could show Faith what he'd seen and experienced gave him more pause than he'd have thought that it would. It was one thing to read about it by looking through notes, observations and calculations, and looking over an artist's renderings. But this was different. He'd wanted her to see what he'd seen, but hadn't wanted her to be subjected to what he had.

But apparently Vri's blessing didn't work that way, and it wouldn't happen. So he agreed, sat up a little more in the bed, and smiled when she handed him the small bottle. "I remember," he said. "I also remember going to Tristan's home to give you a hand...But I didn't do it because I was interested in bathing that devil's spawn of a cat."

At any rate, he was willing to do as she asked, and did. And when it was done and Faith took the bottle back, Padraig waited in silence. She went pale for a few trills and it worried him. But then she was actually seeing what he'd been at a loss to describe in words. And the truth was, if he hadn't seen for himself, Padraig wasn't sure how much of it he would believe. "It wasn't nonsense," Padraig argued, on Esme's behalf at least, and took Faith's hand. "I spent trials grappling with the decision to go in there. It would have been easy to justify not doing it."

In the end, he'd known that he needed to be the man that she'd married, and the man that she'd married wouldn't go out there, right on the brink of a discovery that had the potential to change life on Idalos, and simply walk away without looking. "Someone had to go, or it would all have been for nothing. And it had to be me," he explained. "I was the only one who'd seen, who'd already experienced some of what was behind that barrier. So I was the only one who knew what to expect. I knew there was a nightmare there. The others would have been taken completely unaware, they'd have panicked. Their outcome could have been far, far worse than mine, and I'd never be able to live with myself."

Squeezing her hands in return, he smiled and nodded. "You should read it. There's so much more...The reason, probably, why the sun is wobbling, the presence of a whole other world...And ours is round," Padraig added, with a grin even. "But yes," he said more seriously. "They're in my dreams, but it's more than that. Before I fainted, there was a moment, half a trill really, where I saw them looking back at me. I don't know what they did while I was in there. But they did something. And a bit of them has followed me home."

"I feel a tugging at me...It's them," he said. "I feel...I don't know Faith. They want something from me I think. There was a moment where it seemed they wanted to pass through to Idalos and see on the other side, in the same way that I did." After he'd actually seen and experienced though, Padraig couldn't say that allowing them to pass through that barrier into Idalos, was even remotely a good idea. Except that with him or without him, he sensed that they would find a way sooner or later. "Yes," he said when she asked, would he let her help him.

As for the search? He smiled again, and he'd known that whatever he did now, Faith would be at his side. There were questions though, countless of them. "I almost think that all of those barriers, all of the conditions...the storms, the inability to dreamwalk in Esme's case or to use magic in other's cases, the marks being useless. Well I wonder if they're all there with a purpose. That of discouraging exploration and travel. A sort of protective gap between them, and us." And for whose benefit? Us, or them? "And women too," he said belatedly. "There seemed to be something about being a woman. Pippa suffered the worst of all of us."

All that aside however, his papers would be published and people would know what had happened, and what had been discovered along the way. It was only a matter of time and whether they should or they shouldn't, others would go there. And if they went unprepared, people would die for their foolishness. "Maybe it's time to experiment a little with all those samples of Immortals' blood that I have," he suggested. Magic hadn't worked. Marks and blessings hadn't worked. But what if, he suggested, they could devise a way, using the essence of the Immortal's to overcome some of the obstacles and dangers? What if they could come up with some sort of device what would actually protect them from the nightmares and for that matter, all the rest of it?

[Faith Augustin]

She wanted to argue with him when he said that he'd scare the children, when he talked about himself in such terms as 'crying out like a lunatic' and her eyes told him that she didn't believe it, not for a trill. Before she could answer, though, before she had time to tell him that he was being silly, that if it was her then he would be telling her not to worry so much and then he asked her, what if it doesn't pass? Faith leaned back slightly and looked at him with eyes which filled with worry. "Then we will deal with it. Together. As a family." That was the only acceptable answer to her and she nodded her head firmly. "That is how families work, I believe. So you told me and so I believe."

She fussed over him when he sat up in their bed, making sure he had pillows behind him and he was comfortable and she handed him a cup of still-warm tea which had been being replaced by Katie very regularly. Reaching out to stroke his cheek she smiled as they considered the bottle. "You told me you'd called by to return that book I left at your house when I grabbed you by the arm and pulled you into the house. You made quite my favourite sound you've ever made that trial," leaning forward she kissed him softly and whispered to him, "It will be alright, Padraig. I promise you."

But the time for promises and words was not now. He needed to share this, he needed to feel less alone and so she did what she needed to do. It was overwhelming and Faith took a few moments to process it. When he told her why he'd done what he did, though, she sat and listened to him, her hands in his and her attention entirely on him. Shifting her body, Faith made sure that she was as physically close to him as she could possibly be, her hands in his as she did. "You were you. The man I love and who loves me. All and everything I could ever ask of you is to be that man." She was quite sure as she said that and her expression was earnest. "Accepting each other, who we are and what drives us is so fundamental to who we are. It's like when I decide I'm going to abolish slavery." It had been something which he was incredibly proud of, Faith said, and she knew that. Yet, of course, he worried about her - because when she was being that person, doing those things, she put herself in danger either through others seeking to harm her or by things like scrabbling around in collapsed buildings, which he grabbed her and saved her from. "It was a great big barrier and of course I had to go through it. It's who I am. Just like this is who you are and I would have you no other way."

As for the notes, she promised him that she would read them. But now, at least, they had a shared frame of reference. A terrifying, fascinating, amazing one and she listened to his explanation. They were in front of him? "You saw them?" Frowning slightly she considered that. It had a number of possibilities, but which was true was actually not important right now. Because what she had in front of her was a patient, an individual with an illness and she needed to approach it in that way. Yet, who was in front of her was her husband. The other half of her soul and all of her heart. Yet, she was who she was and ever had she been this way. She prayed he never understood why. "Before we can consider going anywhere or doing anything about this, you need to be physically and emotionally well. Currently, you are neither and I suggest we work on both together." Reaching up, she gently moved his hair in a futile and pointless gesture born of just needing to touch him. "I've worked out a menu for you, something which will help you to regain your strength. Katie has bought all of the ingredients and that's what we're going to be doing. You'll feel stronger for it, I promise you."

Something was bothering her, though, quite obviously and as Faith so often did, she simply blurted it out. "I could take it from you. This affliction. All of it." There was a muscle which jumped in her cheek when she was fighting with herself and she really was in this moment - and had been since he collapsed. "I respect you too much to do so without your permission and I wish I did not," Faith was aware that she sounded accusing, but in that moment she did not care. There wasn't even a point in asking him to let her take it, she knew that. So, instead, she contented herself by looking at him with a slightly raised eyebrow. "This is the best baleful glare I have, I am afraid. You'll just have to work with it."

What she wanted to do, she explained, was to get him physically and emotionally fit. Then, any remaining symptoms were additional to that and would need to be explored specifically. "You talk about them tugging at you, being in front of you, changing you somehow. Those might be due to a bigger issue, but lets get rid of what we can first?" Please let me take it from you, she wanted so much to ask. But she wouldn't put him in that position. The idea of the Immortals blood was a good one, Faith agreed wholeheartedly. "When you are better. Not one trial before and maybe a few after." Frowning she considered. "Maybe it is Naerrick, not women? Did you have a male dreamwalker there to compare Esme with? Surely your sample is too small to make judgements about women unless you secreted some away and did not tell me?" A slight smile lifted her features then and Faith considered how best to do this.

"Alright. Lay back, rest your head. I need to touch your temples. When I do, you'll see the sort of tendrils of light you saw when I took the poison from you, remember?" She urged him to lay back, to relax. "I just need you to close your eyes and listen to my voice, alright? We're going to do a little guided visualization, you and I, and I'm going to describe it, I want you to picture it in your mind for me, Padraig.." And so she spoke, whispering to him in a quiet, soothing tone as the Moseke mark "Calming Whispers" worked on him. One of two things would happen, she knew. It would relax and invigorate him, or it would send him to sleep. And if he did sleep, the stuff in the tea should help for it to be dreamless, but just in case it wasn't, she'd lay down next to him and sleep beside him, walking in his dreams and pulling him out before any nightmares took hold. The calming whispers would take a number of times to work and she would do it every trial, but until then, he would sleep, she promised herself that.

If she could do nothing else for him, she could do that.

[Padraig]

He smiled and simply nodded when Faith assured him that they'd deal with this unpleasant business. Together, as a family, and that it would pass. He didn't argue because he hoped she was right. But if she wasn't? From his perspective he only had himself to blame for it. He could have sworn off sleeping and dreaming like the others had. But he'd been driven by the promise of what he'd be able to see, just as he was waking. In a sense, was it any different than a drug?

"Of course we will," he said, and smiled as she helped him to sit up and put a cup of tea into his hands. Padraig even grinned a little as they recalled that trial, and that damned cat. What noise? "You mean that girlish squeal?" Of course he knew there was something else on her mind. Something that was bothering her but he didn't ask. She'd say it eventually or she wouldn't. As for her? "I think that wall you broke through in regards to slavery was every bit as large, or larger than that barrier I passed through, and quite possibly more dangerous by far." Suffice to say, he couldn't be prouder of her.

But yes, he'd seen them, Padriag confirmed. He'd seen the creatures in the flesh, and he was still seeing them now. "These weren't dumb animals Faith. These were thinking, reasoning beings, arguably as intelligent as we are." Who knew? Maybe even smarter. "The way they were looking at me. I was a curiosity. They were studying me and that bolt of lightening. I don't think it was an accident, and it wasn't because I was wearing metal and making a lightening rod out of myself."

At any rate, he would follow her diet and in truth he didn't have much choice. He was a terrible cook if left to his own devices, and wouldn't trust his own cooking. But her? Taking all this on herself? "Absolutely not," he said, and not at all surprised that it was that which had been on Faith's mind. There was no point in debating or discussing it further. It was no.

But yes, it felt as if the things were tugging at him from afar. "They looked at me like I was some sort of experiment, then that bolt...I don't remember any more until five trials later," he said. Had the things done something to him, sometime during those bits or even breaks that were missing? After all, Esme had never told him how long he'd been in there.

As for women, and how many were on board, he grinned and shook his head. "There's no question our sample was too small. but maybe there was a racial element to it. It's just as likely as not...We never did figure out all the reasons why but as for the nightmares, it was Pippa that suffered the worst from them." He did as asked nonetheless and laid back, having maintained again that she should not take all this on herself.

This was a process he was familiar with, since it had happened once before. And when asked to, Padraig closed his eyes and relaxed. And then, thanks to her and that tea, Padraig enjoyed the most restful sleep that he'd had in several ten trials or more.

[Oberan]

Review Rewards

Real life Re-L Mayer

Points awarded: 15

Knowledge:

Caregiving: Looking after someone you love is hard
Medicine: Bespoke menus to aid healing.
Bellinos: Memento: Useful to share a memory
Bellinos: Memento: Doesn't help the memory make sense
Bellinos: Memento: Can be disturbing in a detached way.
Sevrath: Calming Whispers: Useful with guided visualisation
Sevrath: Calming Whispers: Helps heal mental affliction
Sevrath: Calming Whispers: Aids restful sleep

Magic: No magic exp

Other: N/A


Paddington

Points awarded: 15

Knowledge:

Discipline: Trying to hold back terror is difficult
Discipline: Ensure that all emotions are held in check before sharing a memory
Discipline: Not being too forceful but saying no and meaning it
Discipline: Focusing your memory to put it in a bottle.
Endurance: Keeping going when your body is exhausted
Endurance: Mind over matter
Endurance: Mental assaults cause physical responses
Endurance: Sleep deprivation

Magic: No magic exp

Other: N/A

Notes:
I do not know what Padraig went through, but I am curious now and I will find out.

Cute little thread, you two!

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