[Mistral Woods] That's Not My Name

[Elowen]

The girl did not know what to expect after her question was asked. All she hoped for was the truth but she doubted about getting it. In her experience, truth was often hidden in gestures and diversions. It was slippery like eels. Would Cassander prove to be the same as everyone else she had ever met? In a way, she hoped for it. So then she knew where she stood and she could move forward. Because the alternative...well, it was unknown to her. Unfamiliar. And therefore, kind of scary.

So she was taken off guard when Cassander said what he did.

Because you remind me of myself, she heard him say and the words echoed in the momentary emptiness in her mind. In her brain cavity, those words managed to silence everything and capture her entirely. How could that be? How could she remind him of himself? She was no one. A frown returned to her expression.

Yet, his past bore similarities to her reality. She had to focus on them but she could see them. And they made her wonder. Could it be that she was not alone in her way of life? Could it be that Cassander really did understand her? And if not her specifically, then at least her life to a certain degree?

It was when he mentioned being a friend or a mentor that it gave her a pause and the fierce frown on her face shifted.

A friend? Elowen thought, brows lifting. A companion of sorts. She looked up from Karl towards the woods. She was not really looking for anything nor seeing anything. Yet, she saw it all in front of her. Mistral Woods and its life. Pea and Ark. The drama hens of the shack. Those were her friends. They were her companions. Life here was everything she ever had and everything she thought she needed.

Yet, as those words washed over her, they stung. The provoked a sharp pain to drive through her body. She had known it as fear her whole life. Something that fed the fire inside her blood. Something that never went away. But with everything that has happened since Meira's passing, the events at Creeksong, Elowen began to understand that fear and its many facets.

She was afraid of that which laid outside the woods because she was cautioned against it. But at the same time, she longed for it. It was strangest of sensations. The fluid nature of strong emotions.

Her expression shifted again and she dropped her gaze to the ground, attempting to hide her face. She felt the lump in her throat.

"I never knew my parents," she said at first. Her face twitched in a grimace she did not even know if she should try to hide. She was telling the truth though. She never knew her mother. Of her father, she only had a traumatic memory that wasn't even her own. She shook her head. "Meira...I guess you could say she was a guardian of sorts. I don't quite remember how I ended up here in Mistral, only that I have been here since I can remember. But Meira made sure I knew that she wasn't related to me. She..." The girl stopped and took in a deep breath before slowly releasing it. "She was both a guardian of me and of the forest. Protector. Ready to strike if needed." And the dead woman's threat rang in her ears. She understood it now. After so many years, knowing what she knew now, Elowen was clearer on who Meira was.

"I don't know about being strong or clever. I just do what I have always done. What Meira taught me. She taught me the craft. How to be. Who to be. But it was Mistral who has always been there for me." Her words ended in whispers.

She had never spoke to anyone about any of this. And she didn't quite know why Cassander was the one to be privy to those words.

"I don't know what friendship between people means," she said a moment later. "But if it means you come here without any requests just to spend time..." And she shrugged though it all meant so much more to her than that. "Then you are always welcome here, Cassander. And Karl too, of course."

[Cassander]

His answer seemed to take Elowen off guard, Cassander noticed. She didn’t reply right away, but seemed to mull over what he had said, and when he talked about friendship, she raised her eyebrows and looked around, as if she were confused about something, or maybe wondering about something. He noticed that she still refused to look at him, dropped her gaze to the ground and attempted to hide her face. Why was this so awkward for her?

He narrowed his eyes slightly.

He wasn’t sure why Elowen still refused to look at him after what he had said to her – his words had been kind, hadn’t they? – but he didn’t comment on her behaviour or react with impatience, as he would have in his old life. He didn’t tell her to look at him either, but simply waited for her to speak again. He abruptly realized that friendship, or closeness, might be even more of a foreign concept to her than he had thought at first. Or maybe, he thought, she still found it hard to trust a man who’d just shown up one trial.

He’d been around other people all his life. He had been taught how to comport himself in society, and he had been trained in politics, but Elowen had led a very isolated life so far.

That made her answer all the more brave.

While the dogs played, oblivious to what was going on, he listened to her, arms crossed over his chest and standing completely still.

“I wish I could have met Meira”, he admitted. Not a lot of people would have taken in a child that wasn’t related to them, an orphan – unless Elowen’s parents were still alive? He hesitated for a moment, realizing that it might cause a negative reaction, before he asked, “Do you want to know who your parents are? Do you sometimes wish you could find them, provided that they are still alive?” he continued as he wondered if it would be possible to track them down. Sage, he thought, might know how to find a missing person.

They had some things in common, but he realized that he was a lot more privileged in several ways, nevertheless. He had at least had his parents for a couple of short, precious arcs. He had never been poor or gone hungry, even if his life hadn’t always been safe, or happy.

“You are a child of the forest”, he concluded in a serious tone of voice when she admitted that it had been Mistral who had always been there for her. “Mistral protects you as much as you protect it. I want to get to know it better, if I’m allowed to”, he admitted. He had travelled far before the fall of Rynmere, and he’d met people from all walks of life, and even an Immortal or two, but a forest protecting a young orphan was an unfamiliar concept to him.

It seemed strange to him, and comforting at the same time.

“That’s exactly what it means”, he replied when she admitted that she didn’t know what friendship between people meant. “Friendship is about spending time with each other and being there for each other, without making any demands. I’m glad that Karl and I are welcome here. You are welcome in my house as well, Elowen”, he added.

[Elowen]

His wish to have met Meira teased out a soft smile from Elowen. The girl wondered how the two would get along with Meira's blunt, no-nonsense approach to things. Even Asgall of Mistral, a man of standing and earned respect, came to Meira humbly. Would an outlander of high breeding be insulted by the older woman? Or would he come with his head bowed? Or better yet - would the two be equals despite their differing origins?

All those questions and possibilities flitted through her mind and it made her heart ache. She wished this could become true. She wished she could have Meira here to see what was happening. Would the old woman be proud, or would she caution Elowen against this? Or would there be only silence in her presence because there was nothing to say after all?

The pain of loss rose to her throat. There was so much she would no longer know. There was much she would miss and wonder about now that the old woman had left her behind. She never thought she could miss someone as much as she did the only woman that clothed her and fed her. Meira was not a mother by birth or making. Elowen suspected she never knew how to be one, not that the girl had any relevant reference point. Still, the fifteen-arc-old regarded Meira as close to a mother as anyone could get. And so the pain was deep. Deeper than the girl recognized, or dared to process.

She swallowed hard, closing her eyes to keep the tears from falling. She shook her head when he asked about her parents. She knew her father was dead. And her mother? Elowen had no interest in her as much as it was clear that the woman had no interest in Elowen. It would only be a waste of time chasing someone who did not want to be found.

When he spoke of Mistral protecting her and her protecting it in return, it took the edge off of the moment. That was all she ever wanted to do. Take care of the place that had offered her and taught her so much. Be grateful for it and return the favours thousand times. Give her life for it if it came to that. And if Cassander wanted to get to know Mistral, the young apothecary would gladly show it. So she nodded at his comment and watched the dogs play.

"Then," she responded to him after a moment when she thought she got a better handle on herself. But still her voice sounded a little husky as she tried to speak over the lump in her throat, "I happy to try and be your friend, Cassander of Rynmere." And she pressed her teeth together, just to keep the intensity of it all locked inside, eager to discover this new facet to being a human but equally as overwhelmed by the unpredictability of it all.

[Cassander]

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Thread: [Mistral Woods] That's Not My Name
City/Area: The Stormlands

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