• Mature • Tea

[Elyna]

He sank down without noticing her hands moving with purpose over his body and her fingers dropped back to the sheets. Elyna lay back in a rustle of blankets and watched the ceiling, listening to the soft breath of their baby and the pounding of her own heart. Warrick? How long would he be away for? Malcolm hadn’t decided to enlighten her and she felt heavy. As though weights pressed down on her chest as she waited for the candle to flicker and die. Perhaps her advance to create some intimacy between them had been too subtle but his rejection stung. They’d once been a vase, something beautiful and precious. They’d been dropped and a piece had chipped away and cracks appeared in the porcelain, they were more delicate than she’d ever imagined. Because whenever one of the broken pieces was slotting back into place, the cracks grew larger and they’d turned into a shattered remnant of what they’d once be. The skyrider didn’t know how the vessel could be made whole again and every day it remained scattered on the floor, careless feet ground the pieces to dust. Could something be remade from dust?

Elyna sat up, arm outstretched towards the table beside the bed and collected a half-empty glass of water. It was almost frozen, ice floating on the surface. Without mercy she turned and emptied the liquid on Malcolm’s face and neck. Fury burnt cold and the noble woman couldn’t help but wondered, what if things just didn’t work out? What if there was nothing to salvage anymore and this wasn’t meant to be? Malcolm had paid her compliments and kissed her but he remained a stranger. Two people who happened to co-exist in one small house to care for Elsie. “What you mean,” she waited until she had his attention, eyes dark and accusing as the final flame flickered and died, “what you do mean ‘your’ children, Malcolm? Or did you mean our children…mine and yours?” She hoped that she was over-reacting to a throwaway comment and dreaded the fall out, if she was. Malcolm loved to sleep and she'd never had much joy waking him.

[Malcolm]

Every muscle in his body tensed, and as he sat up, disoriented and breathless, Malcolm looked about for the danger, only to find that there was none. For a split second he had feared the worst, the icy water running down over his skin akin to blood, the shock too new to distinguish whether it was hot or cold until it met his bare chest. He twisted his body to pin Elyna with a puzzled look, wayward, dark strands of hair stuck to his face, leaving him looking and feeling like a wet dog.
Malcolm opened his mouth, ready to scold the woman, only to be attacked with words. Left in a daze, he blinked at his lover, though couldn't in that moment say he cherished such a bond, and knitted his brow, going over her words in the silence that followed. It was all too easy to get angry, to be angry. It had been a hellish few seasons, and the long night was wearing him thin. Elsie, he reminded himself, and refrained from raising his voice.
Do I have doubts, Malcolm wondered, absolutely.
“Do I think they are my children?” Malcolm bought himself a moment longer to consider his words. He looked tired, more tired than he had ever been, but his shoulders dropped and the tension in his muscles let up momentarily. “I have my reservations,” he told her. “There was that mess with Marcus, and when I sailed west, your friend,” he had brought up Vakhanor before and knew now to steer clear of the topic.
“I don't know if Elsie is my daughter, or whether or not you shared our bed with someone else while I was gone. Do I trust you? No,” he admitted, “but I love you, and I love Elsie, and I will continue to provide for this family.”
Elyna looked disarmed by the comment, he thought, and before she had time to respond, Malcolm stood up. “You were going to jump,” the words… the memory still broke his heart even now. “You were going to jump and I have driven myself half mad trying to work out why, is it me, is it work, is there something I missed?” He looked her in the eye. “Somewhere along the line I lost you, we lost each other, and I'm trying, Elyna… I'm trying so hard make something of this second chance, but I don't trust you, and I can't tell you what that's doing to me.”

[Elyna]

In some ways he reacted better then she expected, he didn’t start shouting. The water glinted like silver on his skin. The only light now was the starlight that managed to sneak through a gap in the curtain. He smelt like horse, despite his shallow bath and she stared at him. Her lips pressed together in a thin line of dissatisfaction. He was a scholar and an intelligent man but he didn’t seem capable of adding up the numbers. Elyna had been pregnant before Marcus, before their farce of a marriage and before she’d kissed Vakhanor. You couldn’t get pregnant if you were already pregnant, the father didn’t change after a kiss!

He didn’t know that Elsie was his? Didn’t he have eyes? Elsie shared his! No one else had eyes as green as Malcolm and Elsie, no one she’d ever met. She loved her daughters emerald orbs, was proud of seeing Malcolm in the child. To hear his doubt and to realise that her fear was justified, was enough to replace the weight on her chest. Unable to sit still the Skyrider stood, discarding the sheets to the bed in a tangled mess of shadow. Her hands trembled beneath her warm shirt. Get out! She wanted to scream it at him, push him out the room, out the house and never see him again.

Her lips parted but she found that she couldn’t speak. She swallowed and touched her tongue to her bottom lip to wet it, inhaled and steadied herself by meeting his gaze. The world was slipping away around her. All she could see was his face, proud and stubborn and desperate. Searching for a way to repair the mess they’d made. The door and the tiny painting she’d hung on the wall behind him faded into the darkness and she wondered if it would have been better never to ask? To carry on living with the question held secretly inside. To carry on being numb, but almost happy.

Finally she found the words.

“We are nothing without trust,” no wonder they were disconnected. He’d lost her somewhere and she’d lost his faith. How could he love her, if he didn’t trust her? “Malcolm, we can’t fix this if you don’t trust me.” Elyna fought to keep her voice low and even.

He’d gone and broken her heart, again and she hadn’t even known there was anything left to break. She could tell him again that she’d only kissed Vakh, and he wouldn’t listen and he wouldn’t believe. She could swear on the immortals that she’d been faithful and he wouldn’t believe. Elyna curled her fingers into fists. The pale gold of Pre’s mark on her forehead, was reflected in his eyes and still…he would not believe her.

[Malcolm]

Elsie stirred and sucked in an uneasy breath, as if she could sense her parents displeasure, only to settle again as they lowered their voices. Malcolm took up his wet pillow and vacated the room, and not sure if Elyna would follow or not, paused at the door to summon her with a low coo.
“Please,” he mouthed, and reached out to her.
Malcolm went to the guest room where the bed had been made up and threw his pillow down. He waited for Elyna to join him and then closed the door before seeking her out in darkness. His hands found her uppers arms and in them he felt her unease, and what he could only assume was resentment.
“I'm not saying they aren't mine,” he knew he had been cruel to imply such, “but it hurts to think that my touch is so easily replaced,” he ran his hand up the length of her arm and brushed his thumb against her lower lip, “and that my kiss does not sate you.”
The warden's hands fell away and he looked down between them in the starlight that flooded the room. “It was all wrong,” he agreed. “I shouldn't had left Vanessa during a time I think she needed me most. I shouldn't have married you unofficially, and put the immortals before you.” Malcolm touched the woman's fingertips with his own and bowed his head. “And yet I did all of these things, because I believed in us, I believed that we were stronger than distance, cold winters, and long, lonely nights.”
He could sense her drawing back from him, not only physically but mentally. Elyna was building a new wall, and Malcolm didn't know if he had the strength to tear anymore down, yet he stepped closer. Tentative, he leaned in and pressed his lips to Elyna’s temple.
There he lingered a moment before finally speaking again. “You scared me to death.” His eyes burnt, and his skin grew hot all of the sudden. “I can't stop blaming myself, I can't help but think I walked you right up to that edge and made you feel so alone that you would rather end it all…” Malcolm lost his voice, his heart thudding in his ears louder than he could speak.

[Elyna]

The woman felt as though she had little choice but to follow the tall man; but all she wanted to do was slam the door behind him and go back to bed. She wanted to pull the covers over her head and wait for everything to pass by until it was better again. Elyna was tired of fighting with Malcolm and for Malcolm and still she followed him into the darkness. “That is exactly what you said,” she remained unyielding to his touch though her body fought to sway towards him. “You don’t know that Elsie is yours, you don’t know that this child is yours and they deserve better than that, Malcolm. I deserve better than that.”

His hands were warm on her shoulders and her skin tingled beneath her shirt. No matter what happened between them, she was still very aware of the man and his actions the subtler movements and gestures that made him. Her bottom lip sting where he touched it, as though a bee had walked along it and turned it numb. She looked down at their feet but couldn’t see them in the starlight. There was only the deep darkness of a long night.

She bowed against him, defeated. There was a lot of things that they should not have done. Yet they had and here they were. Forehead to forehead she reached up and pushed her fingers through the fine strands of his inky hair, smoothing them over the scalp and closed her own eyes. The wind moaned through the barren trees beyond the window and rattled the door on its hinges. The world seemed to wait for her words and she struggled to find them.

“When Yoreth was dead,” she began and cringed inwardly, knowing that Malcolm didn’t want to hear about her first lover and man who most likely was torturing his son, Vaughn. It was the best way she had to describe herself though and she drew another breath, determined, “I told you once, that I wanted to follow him to the bottom of the sea and in a lot of ways I did…and then there was you. You saved my life, Malcolm.” She pressed a soft kiss to his cheek before sinking back on her heels to study his features, her palm curled against the contours of his face.

“You promised that I wouldn’t have to drown anymore and I believed you. Then it felt like you threw me back into the water,” the corner of her mouth twitched and she fought the expression of sadness. “Whenever you were gone I felt desperate, and I made mistakes and I did anything I could to feel something different to drowning. I kissed Vakhanor,” and here she was, pleading with him again, “and I am sorry. Nothing else happened I can swear that till we’re both blind and you don’t believe me,” she bit her bottom lip and her fingers fell back to her side. “I should have told you about Marcus and at first I couldn’t bring myself to tell you. I didn’t want to remember what happened and I didn’t want to say it and make it real. Then, when I could tell you I didn’t want to. I felt so ashamed, Mal. It was my fault for going there, it was my fault for giving into him. I was angry at you and I’m sorry for that too,” she felt her own eyes burning as she watched him, unable to look away.

“Vanessa left you. You never made the choice between us, because she made that decision to leave before we even went to Krome. You are not responsible for my choices, either and you should always put the immortals before me,” a faint smile ghosted her features.

“If you do not trust me, you cannot love me. I know that I am yours but I don’t know that I can trust you not to throw me to the wolves. We were a beautiful flame,” her voice was hoarse and cracked from a lack of sleep. “Maybe our time is done? Vanessa has passed and you still chose your marriage to her over me.” Elyna had found the grave in the mountains and Malcolm had never mentioned it. Their marriage could have been renewed and made true and not a word had been whispered. It was time to wake up and face the cold and sober world. She shivered in the chill night air.

[Malcolm]

Malcolm stepped back as she spoke, each line an old dagger presented anew. He didn't want to measure scars, or try and convince her of what he was willing to go through to be with her if Elyna wasn't willing to see it. Her words brought on a fresh bout of pain, anguish, and confusion. Somewhere in the back of his mind he tried to convince himself that he knew what she was saying, but anger saw that sense was lost.
“Picked Vanessa over you?” His features twisted in disgust. “Look at everything I have,” he bit his tongue, turned his head and closed his eyes.
Malcolm was finding it difficult to rein in his disappointment. “I'm tired,” he said, which was as close to a goodnight as she was going to get.
The warden went to the door then and opened it for Elyna to leave.

[Elyna]

Her sigh seemed to rise up from her toes, he was angry and she deserved his ire. She'd tried to keep the knowledge of Vanessa's death until he was ready to tell her himself, and she had failed to hold her tongue. She hated the previous mother of his children, the witch that had tried to kill her lover; had demanded that she and Elsie were killed. Still, the mention of her was enough to see Malcolm throw her out of the guest room. Elyna crossed to the door and jaded, looked at her feet. "I'm sorry you lost someone you love," she spoke quietly and let the words linger in the dark.

She had tried to apologise and the words had been tangled and it hadn't been her intention to make fresh wounds on his skin. Their time was done and maybe no matter what she said or tried to explain, only pain would come of it. Elyna rested her hand on the frame, "maybe...maybe one day you'll have a lover who finds herself pregnant, and your reaction won't be to accuse her of unfaithfulness." She turned to leave him to his soggy pillow and a cold bed.

[Malcolm]

Sincerity followed by spite didn't go down well with Malcolm, and as much as he wanted to let Elyna walk away, and enjoy a good night's sleep, he took the woman by the wrist as she fled, and stopped her. The distance between them was closed in a split second, and before Elyna could protest, Malcolm’s lips were pressed to her’s, hot and demanding. Resistant hands were taken, and elegant fingers trapped between those worn and toughened by leather and steel.
The front of Elyna’s top was torn, and as the man severed his hold and wrestled with her the rest of her clothing, he pinned the woman to the wall, and broke the kiss to catch his breath and speak hurriedly.
“I don't want anyone else, not now, not ever. I can't see beyond you, Elyna Burhan.”
The floor fell away as Malcolm scooped the woman up and carried her to the bed, only to take her mouth again as they both sunk against the covers. His heart sung in his chest and hummed in his ears, drumming hard, and seconds before joining them, a familiar cry rang out in the night.
“Don't,” he dared her to stay, knowing the woman to be a very attentive mother.
Elsie had awoken, which wasn't unusual since they had returned from the east, however untimely it may be. Malcolm let his weight sink against Elyna, as if to pin her down, and Elsie screamed again.

[Elyna]

He caught her off gaurd and she stumbled against him, pressed into the kiss against her will. Any resistance was held tight with his hands rough against her wrists. Her heart pounded in her ears and she didn't know if it was fear or excitement. The wind picked up and whistled down the valley, cold air taunted exposed flesh and she shivered, pinned down to the bed and staring wide-eyed in the dark. When they'd been on the campaign her kissed her against a tree and the world had slipped away. No longer, she could feel the sheets twisting beneath her back, the fabric of her shirt tickling her abdomen as Malcolm held her still. Unable to return affection with her hands held in an fierce grip. She didn't understand him anymore.

Elsie's cry split the dark and Elyna shuddered, the sound pulled at her heart. It hurt and the high pitched scream was soon joined by the puppy's low yowl for attention. The Skyrider sank back, staring at her lover and shook her head. He was determined. Maybe it would be a good think to remember the passion that bought them together. He said that he couldn't see beyond her, but he didn't believe that she felt the same. Perhaps she needed to prove it to him. It was a ploy that was likely to fail and miss its mark, but it was worth a try.

"Just get this over with," she growled at him, wrestling to free one of her hands. Instead of pushing him away she slid her hand down his side and gripped his hip, angry but insistant.

[Malcolm]

Malcolm sat back on folded legs, staring down at the woman in front of him, not lover but stranger. Elyna had become a stranger, and he couldn't seem to read or satisfy her in any aspect of their partnership. It would be wrong to call it a relationship, an idea long lost to the mess they had made.
Who are you, he thought as he watched her. Things between them had once been effortless, had he dreamed it? Passion ebbed, and his pounding heart slowed. Anxiety twisted his insides as he came to terms with the sting of Elyna’s demand. Just get this over with…
Malcolm raised his hands, “you win,” he said, I don't know what the game is but… “you win…”
He moved away from the woman, pulling the sheets about his hips to sit in the stream of moonlight cast against his side of the bed. The slow thud of his heart punched him in the chest, and the sound of his daughter crying caused the tiny hairs on the back of his neck to stand on end.
For the first time ever, he thought, he would rather be out on the road than here in this house.