[Lattarsh] Broken Routine

[Celeste Andaris]

91st Ashan, 718

He stopped breathing just for a moment when she put her arm around him and Tessa breathed out as he grew restful once again. She wasn't aware that she'd been holding her breath until she felt his breathing return to normal and she just allowed herself a few moments of being held against him, laying there and feeling safe. It was strange, he said, that they sent her here without telling her anything? Tessa shook her head, slightly. "I was just a slave, so they never told me anything, really. Just where I was going and what I was to do when I go there," that was more than true and yet, it was the feeling of his hand on her shoulder, on her arm, on her skin which was the majority of Tessa's focus. When his hand squeezed her arm, she feared she would drown in the emotions she felt, she was so overwhelmed with them.

So overwhelmed that she did something she thought highly unlikely. She leaned up and kissed him and of all things, he kissed her back. Tessa let out a squeak of surprise, but it was a noise he'd heard time and again when he'd done something unexpected. Yet, when they separated, she felt tears in her eyes once again. Lifting a shaking hand to his face, she traced her finger down his jaw, not speaking simply looking at him. She was trembling all over, he could feel her at this proximity, but she wasn't upset. Upset was the last thing she was.

He asked about Benji and Tessa looked at him, trying to just be in the moment. It made it easier to talk about. "He hates me. Hated me. He always has. He used to do things," she blushed and lowered her head so that he wouldn't have to look at her, at her face. "Things that would hurt me, not the babies. Humiliate me every way he could. That babies were the only thing that stopped him killing me, I think." No, she said, there were no changes. Things grew worse, she explained, they escalated. "One trial, he'd have killed me, I know he would." She had no doubt about that at all. "He had real hatred for me. I don't know why, but he had a hundred ways to torture, to hurt. He wanted me broken, that's what he wanted. To know what I am.. what I've always been." There were no tears in her eyes now, but her voice told of her torture. Of her pain.

"Xander, I don't want to be that. I want to believe that yer right. That I'm your wife, but if I never remember, if I've lost that life, or you're mad I suppose, but either way. What happens then?" Tessa looked at him, her brown eyes wanting to ask more, but the words wouldn't come. "Between you and me, I mean." Could he accept her for who she was? But then, with a sudden deep frown, she looked at him. "How did you know the babies names? They were born here?" Had she not been here as long as she remembered? Looking at him she frowned. "Which of my memories here are real and which are fake, then? Cos there's a seam there, a join and that's where things are weak, innit?" Realising what she'd said, she smiled softly. "Isn't it?"

[Xander Andaris]

"And here you lay, safe and strong, he failed to break you and its because of them that he did." It was clear he spoke of the babies, they were surely what had kept Tessa going all this time. "You couldn't be broken because you had something to live for and because although you are different you are still strong like Celeste." Xander lay still, his strong heart beating rhythmically in his chest as it rose and fell lifting Tessa's head as it did. "You weren't broken because you are stronger than me, I am good at hiding it but I am weak below my exterior, susceptible to many mental attacks because I don't have control of myself up there." She would not know that but Celeste did, she had seen his inability to effectively handle his emotions. Xander was an all or nothing kinda guy when it came to feeling.

Xander cleared his throat and let out a short sigh as she asked the question only just occurring to him quite how off the timelines were. "I know there names because we named them together a bare few trials before you were taken in Cylus, you haven't been here all that long." Xander was prepared for her to be confused by that, it was clear she had believed that it had been arcs of torture opposed to a couple of seasons. "In hindsight you have barely been here for4 any of your memories just the most recent." The ex-noble scratched his eyebrow and then sat up gently removing Tessa from him as he did so.

He looked over to the babies and wondered what she remembered about their births. "What do you remember about them being born?" His eyebrow raised as he rocked forward and crawled over the bed laying flat and stopping by them. The Shieldbearer stretched out his marked hand and gently took Katherine's in his. "Who was there, where did it happen and how did you choose their names?" Katherine's eyes blinked open and she almost waved at him as she stretched out her tiny body before closing her eyes once more. She truly did resemble her mother, there was no way to avoid seeing it.

"What did Benji do when he saw the babies, was he happy, angry, sad or something else?" Why would you take on a pregnant woman if you didn't want the babies, it was an interesting thing to explore. Maybe he had hoped for boys or maybe he had wanted to sell the children. There were a fair few reasons he would want them if those thoughts were his own at all. Seeing what they had done with his wifes mind made it clear that it could have been the same for Benji. "Why would he want someone else's babies?" He was thinking out loud as he watched the two of them sleeping soundly for once.

[Celeste Andaris]

91st Ashan, 718

He spoke and Tessa lifted her head to look at him. Serious brown eyes regarded him as she did and she spoke in a soft voice. "That's strange, Xander. You seem like the strongest person I ever met, an' I feel like the weakest woman in the world." She reached up and gently traced her finger on his temple. "You're stronger than you realise. Maybe I am, too. I feel it, here with you." Laying here with him, Tessa was experiencing a plethora of emotions. It was, to her memory, a new experience - a completely new one - to lay in a bed with a man and feel safe. More than that, the strength in his body was evident and she knew without a doubt that he wouldn't hurt her. It was liberating and she stretched, almost cat-like, to the very tips of her toes. "Maybe we can 'elp each other be strong?" Tessa whispered to him.

When he spoke about her only having been here since after the babies were born, though, Tessa shook her head. "No, that's not right, Xander, it can't be." She frowned and raised a hand to her suddenly throbbing temple. "I mean, I wish you were righ', but how can that be? What Master Peake did to me, you said that was right, an' that was a long time before." It didn't make sense and thinking about it made her feel confused. Added to that, he untangled himself from her and then sat up. How many men had done this, according to his version of things, Tessa wondered? How many men had she been given to, sold herself to, taken by with or without her consent? It sounded good, but Tessa knew better than to hope.

As he left her, Tessa wrapped her arms around herself, feeling more vulnerable, more alone than she had in a long time. What did she remember about them being born? Tessa lifted her hand to her temple and rubbed it, frowning as she recalled. "It hurt, I know that," she chuckled slightly. "Benji wasn't there, he'd gone somewhere. The Tavern, I guess. I was.. there was a woman who helped me birth them," she said, then described the midwife who had, indeed, helped her bring their daughters into the world.

But it was confusing, and Tessa put the palm of her hand on her forehead as he questioned her. "I don't know. My head is thumping." How had Benji reacted? "I... he likes them. Loves them, I think, in his own way. He told me what their names were, though. I was makin' tea for him the trial they were born, jus' after, an' he told me their names. " Tessa kept rubbing at her temple and then looked at him. "Have I really not done all those things? When do you think I got here?"

[Xander Andaris]

Xander raised an eyebrow, she thought she had been here a long time and that the children had been born after she got here and after Peake. Surely these babies should have been twice this size by that maths. "How long do you think you have been here and how long after arriving were the babies born?" His question answered her own, the maths here didn't make sense. It would mean they had remained as they were for much longer than they should. "These babies should be much larger if you think about when Peake attacked you and when you arrived here and now." The wolf looked over at Celeste and rubbed his jaw as he considered how to go about this.

"The babies were not conceived when Peake attacked you, they were conceived at a different time." Xander smiled softly and remembered that day. "They were made on our dinning room table." A light red blush filled his cheeks as he admitted that to her, knowing that she couldn't possibly remember it. "Did Benji tell you why he chose those names, seems odd that he would pluck them out of thin air, no?" Xander sat up then on the bed his legs crossed in front of him like a child at school as his mental cogs turned over and over.

Perhaps they had found some way to jog her memory here, just maybe. "Nearly everything you think you experienced here is false. only the last two seasons are real everything else is made up or altered." He moved over to her and put his hands on her cheeks, fixing her eyes with his. "You can remember I know you can, just think and dig deep think about the times and dates they don't make sense." Xander held her there gently, eyes hopeful as he pushed her to search her memories for the truth.

"You can do it, I believe in you." The Shieldbearer willed her to believe in herself and to ignore the doubts and fears in her so hard that his mark activated. The inspire ability activating and acting to help Tessa believe in herself in that moment. Maybe just maybe it would help. "Do not allow fear or doubt to cloud your mind you are the one who makes the decisions that shape who you are not their lies." The ex-noble placed his forehead against hers and waited, silently praying that it would work almost allowing himself to believe in it.

[Basilisk]

While Xander and Tessa had been adding up all the issues with Tessa's perceived past, they had been weakening the chains that Labrae had placed on her mind. But the final straw was the Inspire ability. Taithir was an inherently honest Blessing, designed to protect and bring hope, shine a light into the dark places of the world. And with it, the fog over Celeste's mind broke and parted, restoring her memories, her personality. After their stress and pain, Xander and Celeste were reunited.

However, this didn't last as long as either would have liked. A warped, twisted song began to play, triggering a burst of intense fear in Celeste. "Oh, aren't the two of you cute." a voice said. Though she didn't appear to be in the room, Labrae was clearly audible. "But I am no amatuer, so I hope you didn't think it would be this easy." she said, a note of amusement in her voice. "No, I'm afraid there's still much work for the two of you to do yet." she said, before both the song and her voice vanished.

And when Labrae left, the pair would find that Tessa's personality had once again assumed control, though she still had access to Celeste's memories. As the days went by, she would switch erratically between Tessa and Celeste, with access to both their memories and some trouble telling which past was the truth due to their similarities.

!

Message from: Basilisk

Congratulations! You've broken Celeste's initial programing! Unfortunately, you're not done with Labrae's "modifications" yet. You've managed to bring back Celeste's personality and memories, but she's going to flop between "Celeste" and "Tessa" at random. Both personalities will have access to both Tessa and Celeste's memories, and they'll both have trouble telling which set of memories is the real memories.

[Celeste Andaris]

91st Ashan, 718

He asked her things and Tessa answered, or tried to. "Benji never told me why he did anything, Xander. It wasn't his way. He told me their names," but had he, or did she already know them? That was odd. Tessa frowned and raised her hand to rub at her temple once more. When he said that the babies had been conceived on the dining room table, though, Tessa looked more than a little surprised. "Well that don't sound very Lordly behaviour to me," she said, reaching her hand out to stroke his cheek, feeling the heat from the blush as she did that. "Did we really make them? You and me? I... I want to believe it, Xander, I do. It sounds like a dream." A dream of a life that a girl like her didn't get. She knew that.

But his hands on her face, cupping her cheeks caused her to look at him with serious brown eyes, meeting his gaze and not dropping hers as he spoke. His words, they were pretty and yet fear ruled her. Except, as he touched her and seemed to pin her there with his intense blue eyes, Tessa felt something. Hope, truth, maybe. Faith. That was it. She felt belief and faith that he was right. He was right about her. He had not lied to her, she was his wife. Because if she wasn't then Xander Andaris was lying and Tessa didn't believe he could or would. So, she must be this woman. He rested his forehead against hers and Tessa whispered to him. "I love you."

And then, she gasped and lifted her head. "Xander? Oh, oh... Xander?!" Celeste clung to him as her memories flooded over her, suddenly washing over and beating against her like a wave. What she was, who she was. "My Pup, it's you. It's..oh, my love." Celeste kissed him, clung to him and the feelings which overwhelmed her in those moments caused tears to pour down her cheeks. Her hands were on the back of his head, in his hair, feeling to make sure that he was there, he was real. "I believed it, all of it. Oh, the things I've done, Xander, I'm so sorry."

She would say more, would have said many, many more things. But the voice spoke and the music. The music sent her into a place of terror, abject, all encompassing terror. She felt herself trembling all over and she backpedalled, pushing with her feet until she was against the wall and there, she tried to make herself into the smallest ball she could as she covered her ears. "No. No. No... I'll be good, please, no. I'll be good, I will. No more," she whimpered time and again.

There she stayed, hiding herself and afraid, terrified and shaking all over, even once Labrae had gone. "It don't make sense, please... I'm sorry, please." Curling herself into a ball, she did her best to hide from the world. When he moved over to her, though, she looked up at him and Tessa looked completely lost. "I remember it, sir. I remember bein' her, an' lovin' you so much its painful." She frowned deeply and looked at him. "An' I remember bein' me. Both. Benji did... There's two of me an' I remember bein' both."

[Xander Andaris]

Suddenly something changed he sensed it before she even spoke, it had worked the ability had managed to rip away the influence they had over he memories. The gasp was matched with one of his own as she suddenly kissed him too, she had called him her pup and an old familiar warm feeling spread throughout him. They had done it and he could feel the pride burning within him. "Don't speak, let us not worry about that..." His voice trailed off an he jumped to his feet at the sound of the music, grabbing the sword from where it lay on the table and drawing it before him. A shirtless man with a sword, he must have looked so unthreatening.

Still more work to do? What had she meant by that? As the voice disappeared he turned to face Celeste, curled up in the corner of the room. It seemed he would not have to ponder the meaning of that for long as here she was again, the common and fearful alter ego of Celeste, Tessa. He climbed atop the bed, leaving the sword behind him as he gently pealed her hands from her ears and face to reveal her terrified features. He hated to feel disappointed but part of him did, yet she still remembered, she knew what he had said was true and yet this personality was now shinning through. So at least she now knew it was the truth, he was who he said he was and she too or at least he hoped she believed it.

"It is okay, we knew this would be hard but you remember now and that is a start." He wondered if she remembered being Celeste for that moment, if so it must be most confusing for her. After all with access to both memories she would be able to remember what just happened so surely she did know. The wolf wondered what it felt like for each personality if the other was in control, it was a curious thing. "We can get through okay, trust me." He squeezed her hand and smiled warmly doing his best to stay positive he couldn't slink back to how he had been not now.

The ex-noble moved over against eh wall by her side and pulled her in close against his chest, holding her there again to calm her down. "This is just more of their games, we are stronger than them and we know that now." Xander gently stroked her hair, holding onto her to make sure she didn't disappear from him. "We have beaten them once already, we can do it, I think she fears us." It seemed strangely logical to come to that assumption. She had not appeared to them physically, she had put a lot of work into this and they had already broken the first layer or so it seemed. It was a lot of effort for someone of little to know danger or meaning, clearly to Xander they posed some kind of threat to the webspinners and whichever woman this was. It just occurred to him that he wasn't sure whether this was Sintra playing with them or her daughter Labrae, the name he had found after some basic research into the group before leaving Andaris.

"Trust me, we are close and when we get there we will bring down the hammer of justice on these spiders." Xander kissed her hair and looked over at their babies, somehow they had slept through this. Apparently they could sleep through anything when they felt like it, that wasn't always often though. "Together we will fix this all, for them." He kept hold of her, watching the babies sleep soundly as he thought about what to do next, this he had no idea how to sort and he did not even know yet exactly what was going to happen. Little did he know that the switching would be a hole knew issue of its own, it was not exactly easy to live with.