• Closed • Are Those Crystals, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Alistair please!

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Doran Cooney
Approved Character
Posts: 461
Joined: Wed Oct 26, 2016 8:10 am
Race: Human
Profession: Performer
Renown: 40
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Wealth Tier: Tier 1

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Are Those Crystals, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

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Gladdened to see Damien's smile, Doran returned his own. Though, as the other man offered his caveat, should the time come for him to recount the details of his history, Doran's eyes grew contemplative. Rather than reply right away, he merely offered a kindly nod, though one with gravity enough to indicate he understood more than Damien might have expected. If Alistair had been a member of the Coven - and Damien and old friend -, it was hardly a stretch to imagine that the receding figure, lumbering off into the woods, had been part of the shadowy organization as well. It did give him some pause, wondering just what it was Damien and Alistair both had done during their time within the fold. He wasn't entirely certain he wanted to know such details, but he certainly wanted to understand more about what it was to reveal - especially if it were something Alistair might consider.

He quirked his head to the left just slightly at Alistair's words, his own voice clear and light, lacking any semblance of jest. "Should I have been anything else?" But his curiosity gave way to a warm, almost sad smile as he nodded along with what it was Alistair had to say. While he didn't exactly understand what Alistair had meant in calling Damien an old man, Doran was able to comprehend the rest well enough. "He's fascinating, in far more ways that his appearance alone. I only hope his loyalty might be well placed." The final sentence was more a thoughtful murmur to himself, not meant to foreshadow any desire to betray the man.

He often wondered at what others found trustworthy enough to invest their faith in; clearly he knew little about it, having placed so much in the man before him now and only having met him a handful of trials prior. It was odd to realise; he felt as though he had spent much more time with Alistair than he had in fact, and the memories they had shared were tinted with the warmth of history he found more common with those of the distant past. There was a familiarity and warm nostalgia to it that only helped to push him forward, his bare feet stepping sure across the wooden deck, baggy clothes rustling limply in the breeze as he padded over to the other man, linking his fingers between the other's. His smile grew tender, the sadness seeping from his gaze until there was little more than comfortable warmth. While he wanted to meet all those whom Alistair cherished, there was something undeniably pleasing about being alone with him. "Food does sound particularly pleasant."



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word count: 449
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Banshee
Posts: 239
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2018 7:53 pm
Race: Prophet
Renown: 0
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Are Those Crystals, Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

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Alistair

Overview

XP: 15

Renown: N/A

Consequences

Injuries/Overstepping: N/A

Loot: N/A

Expenses: N/A

Knowledge

  • Skill:
    • Running: High endurance means longer running uptime
    • Running: Liches can run tirelessly
    • Socialization: Introducing two important people
    • Socialization: Hosting a meet and greet
  • Non-Skill:
    • N/A

Comments

This thread was a mixture of emotions, swinging from the embarrassment and teasing of Doran to such serious matters as death and suicide. The story was neatly contained and while you did largely focus on writing an NPC, you certainly did not neglect Alistair as a character. You provided some rarer insights into his characterisation, highlighting a more tender and respectful side of him. He really does seem to have affection for Doran and it shows. I don't want to insert any criticism but I might suggest a greater focus on your own PC in future, a chance to show his development as a character further, not just developing his mentor. Otherwise, a truly lovely thread with plenty of ups and downs, and I'm happy to have picked it up for grading.

Friendly reminder to update your thread list to include your Ashan threads please!
Doran Cooney

Overview

XP: 15

Renown: 5 (Minor good deed - showing kindness to an old man and being honest with him)

Consequences

Injuries/Overstepping: N/A

Loot: N/A

Expenses: N/A

Knowledge

  • Skill:
    • Endurance: Taking Time To Calm Down After Dashing
    • Endurance: Dealing With Oversized Clothes
    • Running: Dashing In Only a Small Towel
    • Running: Short Indoor Sprint
    • Running: Adjusting Speed to Stop Quickly
    • Running: Sharp Indoor Veer
    • Stealth: Stepping Quietly With Bare Feet Indoors
    • Stealth: Sprinting Quietly Indoors
    • Stealth: Opening a Door Quietly
  • Non-Skill:
    • N/A

Comments

This was a thread that carried bittersweet and sad moments and I truly enjoyed it. Your initial set-up was mesmerising, your descriptions incredibly clear and they continued throughout so that it was very easy to envision each scene as it happened. In terms of characterisation, this thread showcased a great deal of his personality, showing greater tenderness and kindness but also exhibiting a surprising fierceness when Damien declared his wish for death. There were a few errors here and there with spelling or grammar but they don't detract from the whole; a proofread should eliminate that sort of thing in the future.

A delightful thread and one I'm quite happy to have graded!
Don't forget to edit your grade request with the following stamp:

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If you think that I missed anything or you have any queries about your grade then don't hesitate to PM me!
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