Faith was sitting up in their bed, knees pulled up and a book on her legs. Padraig was asleep next to her, his arm around her and she looked down at him and watched. Just watched, for a few bits. His eyes moved quickly beneath his lids, indicating that he was dreaming and Faith felt a swell of emotion as he smiled in his sleep and pulled himself closer to her. Her hand moved and gently stroked his hair, just for a moment. "I love you," she whispered. It was strange how she found saying those words so hard normally. Not because she didn't feel it, they both knew that. Just because the depth of emotion she felt threatened to wash her away in a tidal wave and she had to function.
Lowering her head to the journal in front of her, perched there on her knees, Faith looked at the blank page and she wondered what to write.
Room. Make a room into a nursery.
Make a crib
Blankets ~ wool and fabric
Clothes ~ make them, warm for Cyrus.
Changing table.
How many? When? We actually have all the time of a pregnancy, so we can plan better.
They would be prepared for this baby and they would make sure that there was everything that they could possibly need. Faith didn't doubt that, because that was doing and she could do. It was organising, and she could organise.
But.
Everything before the 'but' was meaningless, so she believed in trial-by-trial life. Everything before the 'but' was sugar coating. So, she needed to think about this, because she was sure that there was a but, yet she couldn't currently give it voice. Because Padraig would be an excellent father, Cyrus a wonderful grandfather. Katie would be a flurry of love and glitter. Everyone who their child would come in contact with, each of their people, they would be a source of love for the baby. Faith knew that, she was sure of it.
But what would she be?
Lowering her head to the journal in front of her, perched there on her knees, Faith looked at the blank page and she wondered what to write.
To Do List
Buy books. Room. Make a room into a nursery.
Make a crib
Blankets ~ wool and fabric
Clothes ~ make them, warm for Cyrus.
Changing table.
How many? When? We actually have all the time of a pregnancy, so we can plan better.
But.
Everything before the 'but' was meaningless, so she believed in trial-by-trial life. Everything before the 'but' was sugar coating. So, she needed to think about this, because she was sure that there was a but, yet she couldn't currently give it voice. Because Padraig would be an excellent father, Cyrus a wonderful grandfather. Katie would be a flurry of love and glitter. Everyone who their child would come in contact with, each of their people, they would be a source of love for the baby. Faith knew that, she was sure of it.
But what would she be?