She’d made herself vulnerable to his criticism and felt the knot tightened for a moment as he laughed. Then he lay back and the young woman forced herself to relax and not read into anything the wrong way. Elyna smiled at her love and stroked her fingers through his hair, relaxing against his embrace with a sigh.
“I’m alright,” she slid a hand over his and smiled. The baby was asleep.
“The baby moves a lot less,” she admitted, “I was...in a cell with this Alliance,” she scowled, trying to remember the hazy details, “but it moved there...and I’ve felt it since as well.” The young woman stroked a hand over the swell and smiled, “I think we’re going to be alright, now that you’re home with us.
“I think if it wasn’t for Elsie, I’d be less tired as well,” she turned to look down at him, staring into those gorgeous eyes. “Maybe he, or she will sleep more?” The young woman suggested hopefully; and grow less quickly, she added silently. She chewed on her bottom lip, “Mal...Elsie is...she’s growing fast and she’s learning so much.”
Last edited by Elyna on Mon May 15, 2017 9:41 am, edited 2 times in total. word count: 200
It probably hadn't been a challenge, but Malcolm was happy to make it one. He ran his hand over her stomach and pressed his finger against the softer parts, hoping to wake the baby. This didn't go on long before Elyna drew the man's attention again with mention of Elsie and the rate at which she was growing.
“It's not normal,” he looked up into Elyna's eyes. “I mean it's not common for a Mortalborn child… maybe she is gifted?”
There was no maybe. Elsie was very gifted and Malcolm couldn't help but feel that her talents were connected to how tired she made her parents feel. “Make sure you get help with her,” he encouraged. “Especially now, I don't want you to wear yourself out or risk the baby,” his look seemed to beg that she agree or give some guarantee that she wouldn't be silly about this.
“I’ll keep Anna on,” Elyna agreed and moved. Luckily Malcolm hadn’t succeeded in waking the baby and so she settled down on the bed beside him, “she’s a good woman and I trust her with Elsie. Our little monster gets on well with her children, and I think it’s good for her to play with others,” She curled up beside the man, her arm stretched over his chest.
“Besides...I imagine I’ll have to return to the ‘Riders before long...and Anna will be able to feed the baby,” Elyna sighed. It was hard to consider giving up her baby to another woman to care for, even before it was born.
Yet the Iron Hand was so desperate, and things hadn’t exactly gone well with the new General to encourage the young woman to remain at home with her children. “I’ll take it easy,” she promised, “I’ll lock myself away with the paperwork down at the training grounds...and I’ll be so bored I’ll be sleeping at my desk.” It was a small smile, but her eyes were already closing.
“Goodnight, love.”
Gifted he had said, like he was? It was hard not to worry about what that would mean. So far, it seemed to mean that she grew faster and developed quicker.
Caregiving: Consider Your Environment When Raising Children
Caregiving: Children Need Routine
Discipline: How to Resist a Guilty Conscious
Elsie: Takes After Her Father
Elsie: Strangely Gifted
Gambling: Predicting Your Opponent's Next Play
Negotiation: Taking A Good Deal When You See One
Negotiation: Using Yourself as Leverage
Violet Warrick: Daughter of Ser Victor Warrick
Loot:
N/A
Devotion:
N/A
Notes: You begin the thread beautifully, setting a lovely and pleasant tone to the story. I found the description of their new home endearing and like the small details you included, like the carved door. You're very skilled with description, and while I noted one or two grammatical errors, it was hardly anything. This was a very cute thread to read. Also, I really was hoping to read Elyna tell Malcolm about the kiss. In fact, when it didn't happen, I was definitely disappointed. Perhaps another day!
Malcolm
Story: 5/5
Structure: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
These points may not be used for magic.
Knowledge:
Appraisal: How to Gauge the Value of Real Estate
Childcare: Feeding a Toddler
Childcare: Bath Time is a Great Way to Calm a Child
Negotiation: Give and Take
Elsie: Loves Attention
Elsie: Strangely Gifted
Politics: Be Careful How You Gossip
Animal Training (Dog): Command - Sit
Animal Training: Use Food As a Motivator
Loot:
N/A
Devotion:
N/A
Notes: You and Elyna have a nice gift for writing slice of life stories and still making them interesting to read. I like seeing the family oriented side of Malcolm and how he now takes extra precautions to keep his loved ones safe. It's these subtle details that make him who he is and believable. Great work, and as always PM me if I missed anything.
