Name: Zvezdana Venora
Knowledge:
Loot: N/A
Injuries: N/A
Fame: N/A
Devotion: N/A
Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 5/5
Magic: N/A
Comment: I really enjoyed reading your posts, they were well crafted and enjoyable. I am impressed by your ability to write as the beast, being able to place yourself in the shoes of such a creature I imagine to be quite difficult so good job there. The way you described the attacks on Peake, the boy and the mother were just horrifically beautiful. I forgot that there was a person trapped inside that creature for a while when reading it, makes me want to read more and understand what has caused her to be this way (time to stalk your posts). I couldn't find any issues with your structure and the collaboration was good. I would like to see a little more about the creature actually being "afraid" for lack of a better word, maybe ashamed, of its own reflection. Overall an exciting and enjoyable thread to read.
P.S: I think the beard may have been lost in the dissolved body of the Sessfiend. I would have given the beard as well if I could have seen how it would have been gained. Vivian did not collect it and as the body of the beast disintegrated unless somehow it was passed to the sleeping Zvezdana (you may pm about this if you can find a way to justify how the beard would have been kept).
Name: Peake Andaris
Knowledge:
Sessfiend: Appeared to be stunned/scared by its own reflection
Sessfiend: Mirrors can be used Against It
Sessfiend: Possibly Zvezdana Venora
Sessfiend: Can breathe fire
Sessfiend: Eats human flesh
Sessfiend: Has two heads
Sessfiend: Apparently remourseless
Combat: Morning star: Attacking a large opponent from the ground
Combat: Morning star: Keeping a tight grip
Combat: Shield: Can be used to break through a window
Combat: Shield: Can be used as a weapon when slammed into an opponent
Combat: Armour is heavy and can cause fatigue
Combat: Armour will only protect for so long
Discipline: Doing what is Necessary to survive
Endurance: Running whilst wearing Armour
It is cold when you are near to death
Fear can cause temporary paralyses
Loot: N/A
Injuries: Permanent loss of lower left leg just below the knee, cauterized by Sessfiend. Cracked ribs, whole rib cage. Gashes in the chest from claws, deep causing heavy bleeding. All these injuries could prove fatal due to loss of blood or serious infection if not treated. Loss of ear, not as serious as other injuries.
Fame: -5 Threw a child to the Sessfiend (does anything else need to be said)
Devotion: N/A
Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 5/5
Magic: N/A
Comment: Great writing style, very easy to follow and enjoyable to read. Good story, and no issues with collaboration or structure. You almost had me for a second with the boy, that paragraph about how he had been molded to be the way he was and the description of the child. I honestly believed he might turn around and fight, boy was I wrong. The way you described Peake's feelings and emotions when he thought he was about to die was very well done and captured the situation perfectly, the opposite of life flashing before his eyes. This is my first read of any of your threads (it was a good first) and I think Peake is one of those more dark and villain like PC's who we all love to read, but still want to see him get punished when the time comes. Overall a good job, interesting read and I am intrigued to find out how Peake will deal with all this when he wakes up.
Name: Vivian Warrick
Knowledge:
Sessfiend: Zvezdana Venora
Zvezdana Venora: Asleep following returning to her human form
Lowtown: Ruined
Knight (Peake): appeared to be dead
Loot: N/A
Injuries: N/A
Fame: N/A
Devotion: N/A
Story: 3/5 (Nice softer finish to the crazy events)
Collaboration: 1/5 (only one post)
Structure: 5/5
Magic: N/A
Comment: Only one post right at the end so not much to write about what I read had no issues structurally and fit well into the story. I have to admit your appearance was unexpected, but the reasons and clear and therefore I did not take points from story. Vivian had a clear part in the story, she had come to rescue/warn her friend. Made a nice finish to the crazy events just before. Even though you didn't reach the 500 word count required for 3 I added an extra point because I think it was a well written and a sweet end to the carnage.
Send a PM my way if you think I've missed anything or you have any questions.
Knowledge:
Loot: N/A
Injuries: N/A
Fame: N/A
Devotion: N/A
Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 5/5
Magic: N/A
Comment: I really enjoyed reading your posts, they were well crafted and enjoyable. I am impressed by your ability to write as the beast, being able to place yourself in the shoes of such a creature I imagine to be quite difficult so good job there. The way you described the attacks on Peake, the boy and the mother were just horrifically beautiful. I forgot that there was a person trapped inside that creature for a while when reading it, makes me want to read more and understand what has caused her to be this way (time to stalk your posts). I couldn't find any issues with your structure and the collaboration was good. I would like to see a little more about the creature actually being "afraid" for lack of a better word, maybe ashamed, of its own reflection. Overall an exciting and enjoyable thread to read.
P.S: I think the beard may have been lost in the dissolved body of the Sessfiend. I would have given the beard as well if I could have seen how it would have been gained. Vivian did not collect it and as the body of the beast disintegrated unless somehow it was passed to the sleeping Zvezdana (you may pm about this if you can find a way to justify how the beard would have been kept).
Name: Peake Andaris
Knowledge:
Sessfiend: Appeared to be stunned/scared by its own reflection
Sessfiend: Mirrors can be used Against It
Sessfiend: Possibly Zvezdana Venora
Sessfiend: Can breathe fire
Sessfiend: Eats human flesh
Sessfiend: Has two heads
Sessfiend: Apparently remourseless
Combat: Morning star: Attacking a large opponent from the ground
Combat: Morning star: Keeping a tight grip
Combat: Shield: Can be used to break through a window
Combat: Shield: Can be used as a weapon when slammed into an opponent
Combat: Armour is heavy and can cause fatigue
Combat: Armour will only protect for so long
Discipline: Doing what is Necessary to survive
Endurance: Running whilst wearing Armour
It is cold when you are near to death
Fear can cause temporary paralyses
Loot: N/A
Injuries: Permanent loss of lower left leg just below the knee, cauterized by Sessfiend. Cracked ribs, whole rib cage. Gashes in the chest from claws, deep causing heavy bleeding. All these injuries could prove fatal due to loss of blood or serious infection if not treated. Loss of ear, not as serious as other injuries.
Fame: -5 Threw a child to the Sessfiend (does anything else need to be said)
Devotion: N/A
Story: 5/5
Collaboration: 5/5
Structure: 5/5
Magic: N/A
Comment: Great writing style, very easy to follow and enjoyable to read. Good story, and no issues with collaboration or structure. You almost had me for a second with the boy, that paragraph about how he had been molded to be the way he was and the description of the child. I honestly believed he might turn around and fight, boy was I wrong. The way you described Peake's feelings and emotions when he thought he was about to die was very well done and captured the situation perfectly, the opposite of life flashing before his eyes. This is my first read of any of your threads (it was a good first) and I think Peake is one of those more dark and villain like PC's who we all love to read, but still want to see him get punished when the time comes. Overall a good job, interesting read and I am intrigued to find out how Peake will deal with all this when he wakes up.
Name: Vivian Warrick
Knowledge:
Sessfiend: Zvezdana Venora
Zvezdana Venora: Asleep following returning to her human form
Lowtown: Ruined
Knight (Peake): appeared to be dead
Loot: N/A
Injuries: N/A
Fame: N/A
Devotion: N/A
Story: 3/5 (Nice softer finish to the crazy events)
Collaboration: 1/5 (only one post)
Structure: 5/5
Magic: N/A
Comment: Only one post right at the end so not much to write about what I read had no issues structurally and fit well into the story. I have to admit your appearance was unexpected, but the reasons and clear and therefore I did not take points from story. Vivian had a clear part in the story, she had come to rescue/warn her friend. Made a nice finish to the crazy events just before. Even though you didn't reach the 500 word count required for 3 I added an extra point because I think it was a well written and a sweet end to the carnage.
Send a PM my way if you think I've missed anything or you have any questions.