• Closed • Reconnecting, under the light of Yldria

[Yanahalqah]

Saun 23 Arc 720
Night, Uleuda

Note

I have brainwashed Sintih to the point where they are just a flesh muppet controlled by my will. As I control the writer, I control the character, and I am allowed to godmod him to my hearts content. There's no-one who can stop me. This thread was written in a googledoc and posted later, and everything in there was approved by both myself and the psychically dominated Sintih.

This was a familiar spot. Not just because she’d been coming here often the last couple dozen days. Mostly to think. Meditate. Reminisce. All of her time on or near the wall, avoiding the city itself. Yana still found it odd how easy it was to focus here, with the view showing a patch of partly destroyed crystal forest. She’d expected her mind to wander, to react like it did when she visited … that other place. It didn’t. Or at least it hadn’t yet.

Sintih had been sitting here last time, high on the wall, taking in the landscape. It hadn’t yet been scarred then, but he had. Mentally. In retrospect, a lot of signs had been present there already, but only after talking to him at the infirmary had she been able to spot them. Only then she’d been able to put a finger on what had been so different about him. Obviously something had happened, but she did not know what. He hadn’t told her, thinking her to be a hallucination.

Yana had fled that moment, unable to withstand the swell of emotion such words brought forth. It’d been a mistake. She wished she hadn’t done that. She should have stayed, listened, tried harder to be there for him. Power through. But it was hard when his verbal onslaught pierced your defenses so effortlessly. Still, she’d resolved to seek him out in Uleuda, connect with him and see if there was anything she could do to help. That’s what she’d planned to do, but… she couldn’t. She wasn’t strong enough for it. How could Yana help Sintih if she couldn’t even hide the effect his delusional words had on her? It would just make matters worse, and he wouldn’t speak at all.

However, perhaps he’d come here to enjoy the view, or to think. Sintih wouldn’t come back to Uleuda as long as he believed it to be a hallucination, he’d made that obvious last time. The only reason he’d been there was by accident, when someone had knocked his lights out. If he recovered enough to think clearly though, perhaps he might come back. Perhaps he’d come to verify if last time had been real. Which would bring him here, where he’d find her. Sitting on the wall like he had then, simple crystal-weave robe fluttering as her legs kicked idly in the air. Unformed eyes on the path of destruction, hoping he was alright.

[Sintih]

Note

I am most definitely not a flesh muppet controlled by Yana's writer. I am not in any way, shape or form coerced into writing that I allow Yana to godmod Sintih throughout this thread. I am also allowed to godmod Yana throughout the thread. This thread was written in a shared googledoc and posted into this style on here and everything was approved by both Yana and Sintih.

Three city tiers away from her, Sintih sat, legs crossed, eyes closed, hand resting on his knees. The light of Yldria was strong here, in the center of Uleuda. He had learned that it was a beneficial point for him. Under Doran’s instructions, he’d found his light here, a place of peace, a place of center. A place where he could go when he needed to confirm things for himself. Under Doran’s guidance, that place had been a mental image but now that night had fallen in Idalos, this place was as real as it got for the young Yludih.

He’d been spending quite a bit of time here since his conversation with Doran in the courtyard of the Infirmary. Doran had been right. He could talk to Yana. She would understand. She would be able to forgive him for the horrible things he had said to her, for the disinterest he’d shown her. He knew she would forgive. He believed she would embrace him once he’d explained and in his asterism he felt the love she’d always shown him in the past, hallucinatory or real. And so he had been coming here every trial, sitting, meditating, hesitating.

It had been easy to find her. Uleuda wasn’t a big place, not compared to most of the cities in Idalos. Especially not when you had two Ancients on your side, two Ancients who were both high up in the two major parts of Uleudian society. His mother, a university level teacher, providing knowledge and skills for the Yludih, partially responsible for the schooling and scheduling of classes in Uleuda, and his father, a soldier in charge of the city’s protection, partially in charge of assigning people to guard duty on the walls or patrolling the surrounding forests, looking for Nulliem activity. Unless Yana had hidden herself away in one of the many private mediation rooms in the city for the past twenty to twenty five trials.

Sintih took a moment for himself, letting his asterism pulse twice, before opening his eyes. Not that anyone could tell the difference. Thoroughly infused with Yldria’s light, the Yludih got to his feet, his crystal-weave robes falling around him, loosely covering his entire body. It wasn’t opaque enough to hide the myriad of little crystals that made up his body but it was the only clothes that existed in Uleuda. Everyone wore them here, all the same.

His father had told him where he’d be able to find her a little after his arrival here. And he had sat down and began hesitating once again. At least until now. Why would he hesitate? He had all the answers already. She was real. He knew where he was. He could feel where he was. Something that didn’t used to be the case before. So he stopped hesitating and started heading towards the wall. Not through the secret alleyways, hidden from sight, but along the major roads leading towards the wall. The wall where he’d tried to hide before.

[Yanahalqah]

The scarred Yludih was humming softly to herself when the sound of footsteps reached her. A simple soldier song from Etzos, a tune easy to remember and reproduce. No words, only Ulehi could be spoken here --and in essence the cryptic nonsense of Qa could be voiced too, in Ulehi, as it was more of a cypher rather than a language-- and translating the lyrics made them fit ill to the tune. Yana wasn’t a good singer, but there was something inherently musical to the vibrations and resonance of the crystals used to speak. Even a simple hum could sound quite pleasing, very little skill required.

She did not glance up from her musings, leaning back slightly on the wall, feet dangling, eye on the horizon. Many soldiers passed here, she’d quickly learned that there was a lot of disappointment to be found if the person you saw wasn’t the one you hoped to see. Most soldiers patrolled in duos though, and these footfalls were produced by only a single pair. Bracing, she risked a peek after all, fully expectant to find a lone soldier doing his rounds.

It wasn’t. Her asterism sputtered, and she did a double take. Perhaps she was the one hallucinating this time.

“Do you know how many breaks of guard duty it cost me to find you?” he chimed softly at her as he looked over the majestic forest ahead of them. It made it easier to talk to her when he didn’t have to look at her.

“Probably more than I’m imagining.” A smile bloomed in her words, and she patted the spot next to her. An invitation to join her on the battlements. “But was it worth it?”

[Sintih]

He glanced down as her crystal hand patted the space next to her. It was close to her. The crenelations weren’t designed to be used as a two person seat. Although with Sin’s build in the equation, it was a possibility. But was it one he dared to take? What if he was wrong this time? What if Doran had made a mistake? It would be the first but still… The thin Yludih unclasped his hands from behind his back and placed them on the wall, providing him with stability as he squeezed himself in next to her.

“Promise me you’re real and they will be.” His voice sounded slightly optimistic, a hint of lighter chimes, a hint of lower notes, more playful vibrations, more pleasant ones to send and to receive. Still his eyes were on the horizon, far beyond the forest.

“I am, yes, as I’ve--” she cut herself off, and began the same sentence anew. “I am. This time and last. Do you need proof?”

“No.” He answered quickly, and then hesitated a moment. “At least not the kind you’d give me in public.” His asterism flaring up lightly. “I believe you.”

Yana withdrew then, the arm closest to him returning to its previous position, body turning back to face the vast forest in front of them. “Sure. Your pace.” Was that a hint of disappointment, or just his imagination?

He didn’t respond to that, not immediately at least. He was strongly aware of her presence next to him. His knee touching hers, by necessity, her crystal hip pressing against his, her body shifting and moving as best it could given the limited space they had here. His pace, as she had said, was a particularly slow one, especially on this subject, in this situation.

“For now.”

He didn’t want to disappoint. Himself or her, he wasn’t sure. Both? Both. He turned his eyes away from the forest and the horizon beyond it to look left and right, trying to see where the patrolling Yludih were. This was a good place to talk. The view was one of the best he’d found here but when it came to privacy it wasn’t all that. Then again, the only real privacy they would find would be surrounded by four thick crystal walls in one of the many meditation rooms in the second tier. And even there, one of the monks had walked in on them. Neither the interruption or the subsequent earful had been appreciated by the couple.

“I need… No, I want to tell you something.” He sat and did his best to ignore the softly pulsing asterism to his left. He could feel it, lightly, through her hip and knee and shoulder. Through every bit where they were touching. “But it’s…” He hesitated, trying to find the right word. Painful? Sad? I don’t want to? “...difficult.” Difficult was an understatement as his asterism started to flicker with doubt and fear.

[Yanahalqah]

“I’m not going to pity you, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Last thing she’d want if she was in Sintih’s shoes was to be pitied. It made her feel weak, which did not help when presenting your most vulnerable part to someone. “But, I’m here, and I want to provide whatever support I can, if you want it.”

Yana did not know what Sintih had gone through, she had no way of finding that out without him telling her. She’d seen his previous state, and while he seemed to be improving a little, there likely was a long way to go still. If there was anything she could do to give him a push, even if it was just a tiny one, she wouldn’t have to think twice. However, the female Yludih wasn’t going to push her aid on him. It was offered, and up to him whether to accept or deny.

He nodded slightly at her words but didn’t speak yet. Nevertheless, relief washed over her, escaping like a held breath. Several asterism pulses passed before he did speak up. “I’m sorry.” Again, a pause as he kept looking out into the distance. “It was… Last time. I should have… something. I don’t know. But you didn’t deserve that, no matter which one you were.” His asterism continued to pulse at a slow rhythm, but his hands were obviously pressing together in his lap, digits pushing against one another.

Yana’s hand gingerly crept up to his, covering one tenderly. Pulsing with the heat and light of her asterism. His were cold, as always, but that in and of itself was comforting in some way. If only because it meant he hadn’t changed. An odd thought, when the one in need of comfort was Sintih, not her. She squeezed his hand gently, and withdrew unhurried. “It’s alright. I know you couldn’t help it. And… I’m sorry too. For--” A sigh, crisp and sharp. “For leaving like that.” Apologizing was difficult, and still not pleasant, but for once she felt it was a necessity. Even if things never went back to how they were, at least she’d not have to regret not doing so.

“You almost died.” He stated, something which seemed to stir his asterism more than anything else. It flickered and dimmed as if someone had just tried to blow it out. Then it returned back to normal, or as close to normal as he ever got. “I almost let you die.”

“I live. Because of you.” Even though it was unseen, her smile was there. Wide and bright, and shining like Yldria itself. “You did this. You did this and now we’re here.” Her gaze away from him, sweeping upwards to the void-like sky above. “Thank you for saving me. And, I’m glad you’re here.”

[Sintih]

Sintih didn’t move for a moment as she finished speaking. She was right. He had left her. But then he hadn’t. He had run, run his asterism off, and he had stopped the Nulliem. Somewhat. Maybe. But she was alive because he’d found her and because an Ancient had been on his tail, finding her by following him. He glanced downward, at the legs, away from the horizon. It was his turn to reach for and hold her hand. Softly, giving her a choice to let him. Or not. Her fingers intertwined with his, fitting perfectly in the space between each digit. He could feel her asterism pulse strongly through the connection. It caused a flutter in his asterism, causing it to flare up in response. He remained quiet for a while after, just holding her hand, shifting his gaze between the hand he was holding and the forest ahead of them.

After a period of silence he seemed to steel himself, giving her hand a light squeeze. “I got lost.” He chimed, softly, with a sharper undertone, perhaps shame or disappointment. “I don’t remember any of the where or why about it. Just snow. Lots and lots of snow. And you. Snow and you, just dy-” He let out a harsher chime to cut himself off with. “You were there. Or I thought you were. Well… I now believe you weren’t, even though every moment of it…” He let the rest of his sentence trail off. “It was unbearable.” Anger, flaring his asterism and sharpening his chimes. His hand squeezed hers more tightly, as if to never let go.

Yana’s hand squeezed back, soothing and firm, but she did not speak. She did not interrupt, perhaps fearing he would not continue if she did.

It gave him strength, knowing she was right there. None of his worst fears had come to pass yet. She was still alive. She didn’t reject him. She didn’t ridicule him for his experiences. The rhythm of her asterism calmed his and, while never as strong, helped his to pulse in time with hers. “I think I broke. I don’t remember. I’m told they found me, in the snow, alone, awake but unresponsive. Catatonic, technically. A defense mechanism, I believe. It became unbearable so my mind decided not to bear it. Period.”

He loosened the tight squeeze on Yana’s hand but didn’t let go. Never again, seemingly. “I only woke up recently. Well, physically, at least. We all thought it was fully but more recently I’ve come to think differently.”

“And now?” Hesitant. Quiet. Terrified.

“Now?” He asked, chiming her question back at her. Then he turned, and for the first time since his arrival, he faced her. Not the horizon, not the forest, not their hands or feet. Her. “Now I’m facing it.”

[Yanahalqah]

Yana wasn’t sure what to say, if she should say anything at all. These kinds of situations were not ones in which she shined. Listening was easy, or it should have been, but she hadn’t thought that it could make her feel so useless. All she could do was just sit, listen, nod, and hold his hand. Sympathise too, try to understand what Sintih had gone through, but without personal experience there was a limit to how much she could empathise.

The Yludih just continued to lock eyes with Sintih, brimming with a complicated mix of emotions. One of the dominant ones was admiration, she realized. His words had impressed her far more than he might realize. “You’re actually pretty amazing, you know?” She studied the hard ridges of his face for a few moments, the multi-faceted gemstone cut that bounced his inner light around. Delicate as ever, yet surprisingly sturdy. “You’re stronger than I’d imagined. Far stronger.” Did he even need her help? He clearly was more than capable enough to struggle through on his own. There was nothing substantial she could aid him with.

He sat still, face unmoving for a moment, before leaning forward and lightly touching his forehead to hers. Was he happy or sad to hear those words? His asterism only told her that whatever he was feeling, he felt quite strongly, as it flared up with light, most of which seemed to be going to his face. She leaned in, bringing her free arm around to embrace him, pull him close, hold him tight. More of their sides touching now than just their shoulders and hips.

It was a little awkward to do so, sitting on the edge of a deadly fall. There was some shifting and shuffling but they managed as Yana brought her arm around, but had to content herself with simply touching the side of his face, rather than the full hug she’d envisioned. It wasn’t enough, though it also very much was. For now. She desired the moment to never end, so she could continue to be close to him like this, without further worry. Just feeling the weak but steady pulse of his asterism contend with hers, meeting where their bodies touched. The waves of light amplified rather than cancelled out, sending waves of pleasant heat into the other Yludih.

Blissful, comforting, reassuring. Odd, when she shouldn’t be the one in need of it. Still, she hoped Sintih felt the same.

[Sintih]

It was hard to tell how long they sat like that, exchanging no words. They simply enjoyed each other’s presence, their closeness, their warmth and light. But as with all things, even this came to an end as Sintih slowly moved back, breaking the connection between their foreheads first, her hand following right after as he turned to face the crystal forest again. “You have no idea how good it is to hear those words coming from you.” He chimed, softly. He didn’t feel like sharing that with the passing patrols.

“I’m glad,” she chimed, relief obvious.

“It was hard. To remember that about myself.” He kept his voice low, easy for her to hear, especially when they were so close, but difficult for any other listeners to pick up on. Having picked up a little of his courage from her words, Sintih slowly began to share his story. Or what he remembered of it. He told her about the seasons of therapy, both mental and physical, he’d gone through once he’d woken up in the hospital. He told her about his state afterwards, disconnected from the world, disinterested in others, keeping his distance from everything. It was difficult to give her details of this period as he hadn’t picked up on any himself.

As he talked, he found more and more that it helped. It wasn’t as bad as he had imagined it, to tell Yana about these things. Even with his parents it had been a vague ‘I was sick’ excuse, basically. But not with her. From his waking up and his healing, he started to talk his way back. Things got very vague here, as he just repeated what others had told him. Several seasons, if not cycles of a catatonic state, where nurses and doctors both tried to look after him with no success, apparently. He hesitated there, obvious to anyone paying attention. He tried a few times, beginning a sentence and then halting it, retrying and halting again.

Whatever he wanted to talk about was obviously a tough subject, one that seemed to scare him more than having to admit that he had to relearn how to walk and that he hadn’t conversed vocally with anyone since walking up. He tried and failed and tried and failed and squeezed her hand and found the strength he needed to succeed.

Carefully, he explained that he’d seen her die. It was obvious from his wording that he tip-toed around the subject. He couldn’t look at her as he told her, he didn’t name her and he didn’t give any details as to how or why. He hesitated for several pulses before diving into the list. Both his hands were now holding onto hers, squeezing hard. But he kept talking. The words came slowly at first, but as hesitation was replaced by several strong emotions, they began to flow faster and faster. Yet, as he told her, the details remained vague, distorted and sometimes even impossible.

[Yanahalqah]

She let him rattle off the impressive list of deaths, the multitude of scenarios of her demise with him close by to witness, let it all out and be free of the weight pushing him down. Some of it seemed to be transferred to her asterism instead, crushing down like a heavy boulder. So many agonies he’d suffered through, only to find another waiting around the next bend. Yes, Sintih was strong. Resilient. To go through all that, and still return in one piece. He had needed time to accomplish that, but not much. The mental fortitude necessary for such a feat was astounding.

And all puzzle pieces fell in place. Why he’d reacted the way he had in the hospital. Why he’d seemed so distant and off. Why he hadn’t entered Uleuda for so long. It made her feel small and selfish. What was a little pain compared to that never-ending torrent of anguish Sintih had experienced? So what if he’d said hurtful things? So what if he’d been different? It was only natural. You couldn’t walk away from such a traumatic event unscathed.

Once more, she turned to him, sliding her hand out of his. Then, careful not to lose balance, she wrapped both arms around his back and shoulders, cheek against cheek. “I--” What? Apologize again for not being able to understand sooner? Say she wouldn’t die that easily as she had in his hallucinations? None of that felt appropriate. None of that mattered in the slightest. None of that was worth a damn. It wasn’t about her. This was about him. And... “It’s good to have you back.”

He cried. Wrapped up in her arms, with her asterism pulsing loving warmth against him. Then and there. It wasn’t the loud bawling of a child, just a soft shaking accompanied by an erratic flickering of his asterism. He seemed like he was holding back, or trying to as occasional sad chimes escaped from him. Yana gently caressed his back, chiming tiny words of comfort, telling him not to feel ashamed. To just let it all out. As calm and reassuring she tried to sound, she was barely holding it together herself. Her hands were trembling, her arms holding him a little more tightly than she intended, and she only spoke when she was certain her voice wouldn’t crack. Even though she knew the sobbing Yludih was too caught up in the moment to ever notice, even if she didn’t hold the sorrow and relief back herself.

[Sintih]

Time passed. However much it actually was, it had felt like mere moments. Way too short. Sintih had stabilized bit by bit, the tension of his shoulders lessening, the fluctuations of his asterism’s rhythm steadying and dying out. They held onto one another for a while longer still, and then retreated with their emotions back under control. The release of these pent up feelings took a load off his shoulders. As if he could suddenly move more easily, freed from a terrible burden he’d been carrying all on his own. Now shared, it was much easier to bear even though it was still there.

Yana looked at him with her cracked face. Despite the lack of features, he could tell she was giving him a smile. “Are you alright now?”

He nodded first but then provided a vocal answer as well. “I’ll be alright.”

There was the wine-glass sound of relief. And then came disappointing words. “Daybreak is nearly upon us. I have to go.” She reluctantly began to shift and wriggle to get out of the tight space on the battlements, needing a dozen seconds to actually free herself. It was rather awkward, especially once they both realized he was sitting on a part of her robe. Still, she managed, and briefly dusted herself off. A particularly Idalosion concept.

“I’ll come back tonight. Meet you here again?”

Once she’d worked her way out of their little seat, Sin had turned around, back to the forest, feet firmly on the ground. He watched her dust herself off, something he enjoyed very much as it wasn’t necessary. “I’m on greeting duty for the foreseeable future but I’ll try.” He didn’t sound too happy about that.

“If you start early enough, maybe you’ll be able to greet me too.”

“I can definitely do that. I don’t have much else to do out there anyway.” He sounded quite disappointed as he shared that little tidbit of information with her.

She chuckled. “I’ll see you when I arrive then.” And with that she was gone.

With her waking, Sintih felt a loss, a sudden realization that she’d be gone from him for the next sixteen or something breaks. He sighed, a drawn out whistle, and turned away from the empty space Yana had been standing in. The stairs felt easier to descend this time around and he found it was much easier to focus on the important things. Much easier to ignore the non-important ones. Like the image of Saeri lying on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, bleeding from a knife in her asterism, eyes looking up at him, judging.