Etherdeath Pt 4
DEPARTURE
11th Ymiden 719
Next morning Yrmellyn woke up with a hangover from The Beneath. She knew it was her own fault, but only partly. The ether drought was the cause of the famine that tortured her spark. It made her feel like she was going crazy and prepared to try ... almost anything.
The events of the previous evening were clear in her memory. Yrmellyn made a mental note to avoid taverns and their beverages. Even as she thought of this she cringed and a frisson of famine shook her body as well as her soul. She supposed this was how only addicted flayers had felt in the past. Yrmellyn had always thought of it as something that only happened to others. These days, she guessed it happened to every mage in the world ... a disturbing thought indeed. There must be a lot of starved mages out there, as thirsty for ether as she was. Even if they had never before felt tempted to flay they would feel it now.
It wasn’t particularly early in the morning. It was in fact halfway to noon. The hangover was painful and Yrmellyn felt unable to think of anything else than coffee. But, she didn’t want to go down to the tavern even for breakfast. She stuck to her decision about avoiding taverns. Instead, she made the coffee herself. It was black, hot and extra strong. She imagined that it made her feel better.
After the coffee, it was time for compulsive browsing of the vision drawings. Yrmellyn told herself that she would only have a quick look. Half a break later she put the drawings on the table and went to make more coffee. She knew that it would be wise to go out and buy something to eat instead, but the mere thought of food made her feel double-hungry. The mental hunger was alas the strongest. When Yrmellyn thought about food, the spark thought about ether and flaying. It seemed risky to leave the apartment so she didn’t do it.
Yes, but I could leave the apartment and roam around on the streets of Rharne on the outlook for suitable prey, wouldn’t that be a good idea? Without “hunting” I mean. I would only do it to get some fresh air. It wouldn’t be harmful to only think of ... it.
Yrmellyn suppressed that thought. She forced herself to see reality and not lie to herself. The fall of the realm of dreams might have turned her into an involuntary starved one, but it didn’t mean that she would easily give in to the spark's hunger and flay people to feed it. She was so not going to make the streets of Rharne dangerous for the good citizens of her home town. It wouldn't bring her anything else than eternal darkness and sorrow. Life wasn't worth living that way, right?
But the bad citizens then? Criminals? Wouldn’t it even be a good deed to make use of the criminals?
She knew it wouldn’t. Flaying was flaying, no matter who the victim was. Also, people were people no matter which side of the law they were on. This was something that had become very clear to her when she and Ha'zel had dealt with the thief Verity Treyhar up in Caervalle Town in Cylus. It would have been possible to be unforgiving and see criminals as allowed prey for flayers but Yrmellyn wasn’t from the part of the town where life was easy. She had seen many people have to turn criminal to survive. Her own past as courtesan had not always been so spotless either. She couldn’t find it in herself to feel that it would be a good deed to flay if only the victims were criminals.
Animals then? I mean, street dogs, stray cats, some sparrows and annoying gulls? Nobody would miss those. I could go out and sneak around in the back alleys on the hunt for mongrels, rats and such. Why not? it would be good for the city to get rid of them, wouldn't it? I could keep this city clean and healthy by flaying away pests!
Even as she thought that she felt disgusted. It was so gross that it amazed her that she could come up with it. A one-woman vermin-terminator making flaying a good deed? Bizarre! Besides, the animals were innocent. She dismissed the idea, but the spark inspired more ideas and the thoughts kept coming. Yrmellyn tried to suppress them but they popped up again. She shut her eyes and sat on the chair, half-sleeping but not resting. All her energy went into the discipline she needed to exert to keep herself from derailing in her thoughts ...
What about people who are ill and will only get pain and suffering for the rest of their time until death frees them from it? I could help them. I could give them the death they need and set them free from a life that isn't worth living. That could justify flaying, couldn't it? Instead of just suffering for a long time and then dying to no avail their suffering would be short and their death would ... save me. A win-win!
Shocking, just shocking! Yrmellyn was beginning to feel scared of herself. It amazed her how good she was at inventing ways to call flaying a good thing and point at the benefits it could bring to the city, to other people and to ... the spark. She hated it, but she seemed unable to stop the flow of creative ideas for how to work around the dark side of flaying and only see imaginary upsides. And no, Yrmellyn wasn't going to help people die. How would anybody else than the severely ill people themselves know if they found life worth living or not? They could also have reasons to stay alive that were bigger than themselves, for example, they could have dependents they didn't want to leave behind before they had the time to make arrangements for them.
The rest of the trial passed. When someone knocked on the door she jerked and almost fell off the chair. Her first reaction was that she wondered if the visitor was someone she could pull into the apartment and flay. It was shocking! She felt scared of herself and decided to not open the door.
The visitor knocked again. At first, she didn’t answer. Several more knocks followed, harder now. Then she heard Ha’zel swear outside the shut door and shout at her to open. Again, she thought of how it wasn’t his usual style to be impatient and annoyed. Feeling uneasy, she got to her feet, opened the door and let him in.
A brief interrogation followed. Ha’zel calmed down when he heard that she had been at home all the time and worked hard at not giving in to any “ideas”. Then he realized that she hadn’t eaten anything at all and it riled him up again. To share the starvation of the magic was as bad for her as sharing its hunger. The sev’ryn looked at the two roses they had gained back in Culys and which still were fresh and red where they stood in a vase on the table. He put his hands on his temples and held them there. For a moment he shut his eyes. When he opened them again he had come to a conclusion.
“Yrmellyn. Look. We’ve got to leave Rharne and go into the wilds. We will go where life is hard and there is little room for anything else than basic survival. Nature ... nature is a great force. It puts pressure on people, takes them back to the foundations of life, strengthens them and changes them. This is our hope. You will come out of it free from what ails you. One trial.”
Yrmellyn had been ready to try almost anything and now opportunity knocked. It felt daunting to think of leaving Rharne and going into the wilds, but it was the best option this day. She would go with her friend and disappear into the wilderness. What it meant wasn’t clear to her. She was a city dweller and had no experience of what Ha’zel was speaking about. But, during the evening they packed everything they would need, but not more than they were able to carry. They made a last dinner in the kitchen place and then they went to bed. All the work had made her tired enough to make it easy to sleep.
The next morning they took their backpacks, locked the doors to the twin apartments and walked out from Rharne. They headed north, to the huge forests and disappeared between the trees. A journey on unknown paths toward unknown destinations began.
The lyrics of an old song, half-forgotten, came to her mind and she thought of the comforting sound of a flute of silver. It was the kind of music she imagined could be played while riding beside a good friend, like in a dream long gone.
How you turn around and how you swirl around, make certain that you have a faithful friend ...
The events of the previous evening were clear in her memory. Yrmellyn made a mental note to avoid taverns and their beverages. Even as she thought of this she cringed and a frisson of famine shook her body as well as her soul. She supposed this was how only addicted flayers had felt in the past. Yrmellyn had always thought of it as something that only happened to others. These days, she guessed it happened to every mage in the world ... a disturbing thought indeed. There must be a lot of starved mages out there, as thirsty for ether as she was. Even if they had never before felt tempted to flay they would feel it now.
It wasn’t particularly early in the morning. It was in fact halfway to noon. The hangover was painful and Yrmellyn felt unable to think of anything else than coffee. But, she didn’t want to go down to the tavern even for breakfast. She stuck to her decision about avoiding taverns. Instead, she made the coffee herself. It was black, hot and extra strong. She imagined that it made her feel better.
After the coffee, it was time for compulsive browsing of the vision drawings. Yrmellyn told herself that she would only have a quick look. Half a break later she put the drawings on the table and went to make more coffee. She knew that it would be wise to go out and buy something to eat instead, but the mere thought of food made her feel double-hungry. The mental hunger was alas the strongest. When Yrmellyn thought about food, the spark thought about ether and flaying. It seemed risky to leave the apartment so she didn’t do it.
Yes, but I could leave the apartment and roam around on the streets of Rharne on the outlook for suitable prey, wouldn’t that be a good idea? Without “hunting” I mean. I would only do it to get some fresh air. It wouldn’t be harmful to only think of ... it.
Yrmellyn suppressed that thought. She forced herself to see reality and not lie to herself. The fall of the realm of dreams might have turned her into an involuntary starved one, but it didn’t mean that she would easily give in to the spark's hunger and flay people to feed it. She was so not going to make the streets of Rharne dangerous for the good citizens of her home town. It wouldn't bring her anything else than eternal darkness and sorrow. Life wasn't worth living that way, right?
But the bad citizens then? Criminals? Wouldn’t it even be a good deed to make use of the criminals?
She knew it wouldn’t. Flaying was flaying, no matter who the victim was. Also, people were people no matter which side of the law they were on. This was something that had become very clear to her when she and Ha'zel had dealt with the thief Verity Treyhar up in Caervalle Town in Cylus. It would have been possible to be unforgiving and see criminals as allowed prey for flayers but Yrmellyn wasn’t from the part of the town where life was easy. She had seen many people have to turn criminal to survive. Her own past as courtesan had not always been so spotless either. She couldn’t find it in herself to feel that it would be a good deed to flay if only the victims were criminals.
Animals then? I mean, street dogs, stray cats, some sparrows and annoying gulls? Nobody would miss those. I could go out and sneak around in the back alleys on the hunt for mongrels, rats and such. Why not? it would be good for the city to get rid of them, wouldn't it? I could keep this city clean and healthy by flaying away pests!
Even as she thought that she felt disgusted. It was so gross that it amazed her that she could come up with it. A one-woman vermin-terminator making flaying a good deed? Bizarre! Besides, the animals were innocent. She dismissed the idea, but the spark inspired more ideas and the thoughts kept coming. Yrmellyn tried to suppress them but they popped up again. She shut her eyes and sat on the chair, half-sleeping but not resting. All her energy went into the discipline she needed to exert to keep herself from derailing in her thoughts ...
What about people who are ill and will only get pain and suffering for the rest of their time until death frees them from it? I could help them. I could give them the death they need and set them free from a life that isn't worth living. That could justify flaying, couldn't it? Instead of just suffering for a long time and then dying to no avail their suffering would be short and their death would ... save me. A win-win!
Shocking, just shocking! Yrmellyn was beginning to feel scared of herself. It amazed her how good she was at inventing ways to call flaying a good thing and point at the benefits it could bring to the city, to other people and to ... the spark. She hated it, but she seemed unable to stop the flow of creative ideas for how to work around the dark side of flaying and only see imaginary upsides. And no, Yrmellyn wasn't going to help people die. How would anybody else than the severely ill people themselves know if they found life worth living or not? They could also have reasons to stay alive that were bigger than themselves, for example, they could have dependents they didn't want to leave behind before they had the time to make arrangements for them.
The rest of the trial passed. When someone knocked on the door she jerked and almost fell off the chair. Her first reaction was that she wondered if the visitor was someone she could pull into the apartment and flay. It was shocking! She felt scared of herself and decided to not open the door.
The visitor knocked again. At first, she didn’t answer. Several more knocks followed, harder now. Then she heard Ha’zel swear outside the shut door and shout at her to open. Again, she thought of how it wasn’t his usual style to be impatient and annoyed. Feeling uneasy, she got to her feet, opened the door and let him in.
A brief interrogation followed. Ha’zel calmed down when he heard that she had been at home all the time and worked hard at not giving in to any “ideas”. Then he realized that she hadn’t eaten anything at all and it riled him up again. To share the starvation of the magic was as bad for her as sharing its hunger. The sev’ryn looked at the two roses they had gained back in Culys and which still were fresh and red where they stood in a vase on the table. He put his hands on his temples and held them there. For a moment he shut his eyes. When he opened them again he had come to a conclusion.
“Yrmellyn. Look. We’ve got to leave Rharne and go into the wilds. We will go where life is hard and there is little room for anything else than basic survival. Nature ... nature is a great force. It puts pressure on people, takes them back to the foundations of life, strengthens them and changes them. This is our hope. You will come out of it free from what ails you. One trial.”
Yrmellyn had been ready to try almost anything and now opportunity knocked. It felt daunting to think of leaving Rharne and going into the wilds, but it was the best option this day. She would go with her friend and disappear into the wilderness. What it meant wasn’t clear to her. She was a city dweller and had no experience of what Ha’zel was speaking about. But, during the evening they packed everything they would need, but not more than they were able to carry. They made a last dinner in the kitchen place and then they went to bed. All the work had made her tired enough to make it easy to sleep.
The next morning they took their backpacks, locked the doors to the twin apartments and walked out from Rharne. They headed north, to the huge forests and disappeared between the trees. A journey on unknown paths toward unknown destinations began.
The lyrics of an old song, half-forgotten, came to her mind and she thought of the comforting sound of a flute of silver. It was the kind of music she imagined could be played while riding beside a good friend, like in a dream long gone.
How you turn around and how you swirl around, make certain that you have a faithful friend ...
