Moon & Stars

[Faith Augustin]

20th Ymiden, 717

Had she ever been like that?

Faith smiled to herself as she recognised what a foolish thought that one was. She had, she knew it; denying it gave it power but there had been times in her life when she had shied from a touch, when she had referred to herself in that way. Pouring the water into the mugs, she recalled the first time that a free person had made her a cup of tea. They'd be getting married soon yet, at that first meeting the offer of a cup of tea and his refusal to let her make it had sent her into a total tailspin.

He was alright.

He wasn't infected, he wasn't injured and as far as she could tell he had stood in front of a terrified slave and protected her. Of course he had, he always would but there was no denying the swell of pride in her heart as she realised that. He always would.

He was alright.

She knew this, so why was she so emotional still? Faith pinched the bridge of her nose forced herself to calm and put some breads on a plate, a few pieces of cheese and some chutneys and relishes. Usually, when it was the two of them, Faith would bring that out in thick slices, chunks of cheese and pickles, cold meat alongside and things like pate also. Not this trial though. Small pieces of bread, thin and delicate triangles of cheese. She added some carrots and then took the tray out.

Without knowing their history, the casual observer would consider this a tricky situation for the young couple. However, when one took into account the fact that she had been in exactly this position just an arc before and that every step of freedom she had taken, he had taken with her? Then it became more than a tricky situation and Faith swore to Vri, for the love that she had for him that they would do this together.

The young woman, Luna, had been bedraggled, cut and bruised. When they got home, Faith had run a bath, got clothes for her and had bathed her. The obedience which had been beaten into Luna was such that she went where she was told to go and did what she was told to do. Faith had been calm and kind and matter-of-fact. Too much emotion right now would overwhelm Luna, Faith was sure.

Walking in to the living room where Padraig and Luna were, Faith looked at the young slave and breathed in slightly. There had been something she'd seen as she'd helped Luna in the bath that Padraig would inevitably spot soon enough; the brand on Luna's arm had looked almost identical to the one which had once been on Faith's shoulder.

Athart

With calm movements, Faith put down the tray and picked up the cup which contained the hot, sweet tea. Padraig would know which of the two remaining mugs was his, which was her; they were in their mugs. Bringing Luna's drink over to her, Padraig might notice that the mug was only half full.

Because, unless her last owner had taught her differently and judging by the state of her Faith thought not, there were things that the Athart owners did which Padraig had not had to see. Kura had, but that was in a dream and, as much as possible, Faith had hidden those realities from Padraig. Still, it was not possible now, so Faith sat next to Luna and smiled. "It's warm. Like this," Faith wrapped her hands around the mug and demonstrated. "Slow sips, not too much. You try?"

Eat like animals, live like animals. Understand that animals were better and more useful than them. That was what the lives of the slaves of Athart were. "That's it. Good." As Luna sipped, Faith looked over at Padraig and wished that she could just wrap him in her arms right now and be wrapped in his. This was going to be hard on all three of them in different ways. But this young woman was their responsibility and that was that.

"So. We've got planning to do, things to decide. I was trained in Athart, too," she said to Luna and then turned to Padraig, motioning to her arm, where the brand had been. "Same brand. Same school."

Yes, matter-of-fact was best right now. She looked at Padraig and wished that she could take this worry from him, wished that he wasn't about to see some of the realities she had hidden from him. By the time she'd met him, those were things of the past for her. Tristan had taught her this, she thought and sighed in a moment of irony.

[Padraig]

While Faith was busy in the kitchen making their tea, Padraig waited on the couch, not far away from Luna who, finally, was seated on a chair instead of the floor, her knees folded underneath her. That had taken some doing, just cajoling her up into that chair. He didn't like even the implication that he held the role of master and her of slave. But he'd yet to find a way past it, while at the same time convincing her to do anything of her own volition. Even this, Faith in the kitchen and Luna waiting, sitting in what she only see as master's chair, was a delicate balance and one she hadn't come to terms with just yet. Occasionally she'd glance almost wildly at the kitchen door then back at her folded hands in her lap. It was her that was supposed to be serving, after all.

At least, for now, it was just the three of them in the house. All the better not to overwhelm her since Katie could overwhelm an entire army all on her own. Padraig's grandfather had turned out to be far more perceptive than the younger man had ever given him credit for, and had taken his beloved to the Scholar's Nook for a nice cup of tea.

She was trained in Athart, Faith had told him. Just as Faith herself had been. And it took all his reserve not to outwardly make the connection. Though he'd been fairly successful at it, each challenge that Luna presented couldn't help but remind him of what he knew already, and couldn't stop the wave of anger that he felt all over again but was disciplined enough not to let her see. Time. She'd need time and plenty of it. The events that had occurred after she'd been found in the ruins hadn't helped. Those who'd ended up doing her physical harm or had tried to, had added more scars still to the mix. Those weren't physical ones but were just as real.

There was just a tick along his jawline to give him away when Faith needed to show her just how to hold a mug in her hands and sip from it. And yet it didn't surprise him. Faith hadn't exactly told him about it. But the way the girl referred to herself? I made all the twisted sense in the world. Luna of course had resisted at first, looking up at him wildly. He simply smiled and nodded though, encouraging her to try, and to let Faith help her.

But planning to do, things to decide. Faith would know, everything in him wanted to ask if she knew a way to remove the brands immediately. How did one go about freeing a slave that had been made abandoned property and for all intents and purposes, claimed by the one who'd taken her on instead. But even mentioning it in front of Luna might just send her into another tailspin. Curiously though, as he was watching, Luna stole a glance out the window, as if she was looking for someone. It took a trill, but then Padraig realized and smiled. He'd seen her after all, watching his grandfather come and go, and how she seemed oddly more comfortable, just a little, when he was around.

"He's out for a walk and will be back soon," he told her and turned that smile on Faith briefly. This in fact might provide the answer to a newly arisen question. What would they do with her when they both needed to work? "He is...grandfather," he told her, and the expression on Luna's face implied she'd never heard the word before. "He tells wonderful stories about adventures that I think he never had, but he swears that he did." And there? Just for the briefest trill, gone so quickly that he might have imagined it, the girl smiled before having another go at drinking from the cup. Padraig looked Faith's way curiously. It was progress, surely?

[Faith Augustin]

The bond that she shared with Padraig, the glowing band on her arm meant that he could sense her thoughts and emotions when they were in a combat situation. However, the mark she had put on him, the 'Greater Servants' Mark' as part of her blessing from Famula meant that Faith felt his state of being all the time. When she told him that Luna's brand was the same as hers had been, what that meant, his emotions hit her like a wall.

She understood what Luna was feeling, because she had felt it. She understood what Padraig was feeling because she was feeling it too. The one she was having trouble with was with what she was feeling and really, just the sheer amount of emotion that was swimming around her. For all Faith knew, she realised, this girl and her had met each other before. Judging by Luna's face, they were an arc or two apart in age, but that meant nothing. Faith closed her eyes, briefly, shutting her emotions down as much as she could.

There were things that she could do, she knew. Doing them would require showing an understanding which would hurt Padraig, but they would help this girl to trust that they were who they said they were, just a little quicker. Faith wasn't concerned about Luna's insistence to Padraig being her owner, her being his slave. That was mentality and it was very much not the first step to break that. Master means security, after all, she considered and so she made a decision and spoke to Luna softly.

"You are here with us now. The first thing that it's important you understand is that we aren't going to sell you on, pass you on," Faith smiled, nodding her encouragement at the girl as she sipped again, "because we believe that you are a person." As Luna turned to her with a look of surprise, Faith held on to the cup as the warm sweet tea sloshed. It was why she'd filled it only half way, after all. "You dream and you hunger. You feel things. Right now, you feel afraid and confused." Faith kept her voice calm and gentle. "I promise you, no one here will hurt you or allow you to be hurt."

When Padraig told her where Cyrus was, Faith watched Luna's reaction. Just the briefest of smiles, Faith thought and she returned Padraig's glance with a slight nod. As Luna put the tea down, Faith reached for the bread and lifted it, showing her the slice. "Like this, Luna. With your hands, for this." Faith tore a small piece of bread off and ate it, then tore another small piece and handed it to her. "Try that." As Luna did, having checked with Padraig first, she lifted the bread to her mouth.

It was, she was sure, progress and Faith cursed herself inwardly for being a coward at not having told Padraig this before. When first she'd been free and all that had happened between him and Tristan, she'd tried to explain. Padraig couldn't understand, then, why it was that Faith felt such a fondness for Tristan. Granted, his method of doing this had been with him demonstrating with red wine and the food was chocolate cake from his neighbour which had made her sick, but he had still done this for her. Was what he had done right? No, not at all and four trials after bringing her home he'd sent her to the jail with the Venora rose brand to get herself branded. But still. He had done this for her.

Of course, he was also the one who had told her that she was a person and that since he was her master and owner he could tell her that and she had to believe it. Even in her frightened and uneducated state at the time, that had made little to no sense, but the bottom line was that she could have and, she thought now, should have told Padraig that. Tristan had, but frankly that meeting had been so emotion charged that she simply could not think it even hit home.

"We believe that you are a person. I do, Padraig does, and so does Grandfather," Better that she call him that, Faith thought. It was a title, it was family and it was something that she and Padraig would share, "and Katie". It would be a long time coming, but as strange as Tristan's way of doing it had been, it had stopped her arguing. "When we get to treat you like a person, because you are one, then it makes us happy. We'd like it if it made you happy, too, but I can't make you feel something." She glanced at Padraig and hoped he was on board with this. It was manipulation in a way, but Faith needed to calm this girl down, make her open to change.

"So, lets decide something simple, alright? My name is Faith. I like to be called Faith, it makes me happy. But if you need to call me something else, that's perfectly alright." Faith smiled at her, handing her another piece of bread and breaking off a tiny piece of cheese. "Try those two together. It's good, isn't it?" Again, she demonstrated, small steps forward would be the best they could hope for and there'd be more than one stumble along the way. "So, Luna, what will you call me?"

Faith had called Jamal by his first name, because he had ordered her too. Every other freeborn person was to be called master or mistress under his regime. But she wasn't going to order Luna, here, she had simply expressed a preference. The girl had been trained to meet the needs and wishes of her owners and all free people, so Faith thought that this would be hard, but achievable for her. She hoped.

[Padraig]

Padraig knew how deeply Faith felt the state of mind and emotional well-being, or even turmoil of others. He also knew that not only was it her nature to tend to the needs of others, it was also worship for her, woven into the tapestry of faith and service. But while she focused on serving others in that way, he worried about its impact on her and what she was feeling as either a byproduct or just as a woman, an individual. He didn't have her knack, wasn't sure he'd embrace it if he did, except when it came to her. Nonetheless, he worried about the toll it could take on her.

As for what he might witness, the process of her taking Luna in hand and what it revealed, it wasn't a matter of hurting him or no. He knew, at least to the extent that he'd been made to understand, and he knew there was more without asking. Seeing Luna didn't change that or make it worse. It was simply a reminder he could have lived without. But it also meant that he at least understood the enormity of the task. And strangely, though not a word had passed between them on the subject, Padraig was grateful to his grandfather for the way he'd managed to engage the girl.

He wouldn't have expected it, but it reminded him that there was much more to Cyrus Augustin than bluff and bluster. Things he'd forgotten, like the reassuring shadow of a man in a chair in the corner of his room as a child, while a storm raged outside. Or a gruff voice but a gentle hand when a scraped knee or black eye needed tending. Luna saw it though, it seemed startlingly apparent.

As he watched from the chair, Padraig found it strange that the best and least traumatizing way to convince Luna she was a person with a right and an identity of her own, was to tell her that it would make them happy, was she to accept that. He smiled at Faith, indicating that he agreed, even while Luna shrank back from the suggestion just a little and looked at him wildly, back to Faith and then him again. He smiled and nodded, trying to encourage her even as she took the bit of bread and cheese and did what was asked of her.

She seemed to be processing the other request as well, and formulating a response. "This slave," she said, barely a whisper, "will call you Faith." Was that progress? Padraig thought so, though she still resisted referring to herself by her own name. But surely, it would come in time?

[Faith Augustin]

Faith looked up at Padraig and saw him watching her. He looked like he was worried or worrying about her and Faith smiled in what she hoped was a reassuring manner. There were things that she needed to talk to him about, questions she had to ask following the discussion on the boat, but here and now was not the time or place and, as such, she put them to one side and simply waited. There was no rush, they had all the time in the world, after all; when she smiled, she tried to reassure him that all was well.

Then, of course, was the strange idea of telling Luna that something made them happy, in order to help. It must, she thought, seem odd to Padraig but as she spoke and when Luna finally whispered that she would call her by her name, Faith smiled. "Thank you, Luna. I'm happy that you will and I'm grateful, too." Such small steps, but this one had been significant, Faith knew. Because Luna had just done something which she had probably never done before. She had made a decision, based on information given but not an order. The young woman who had been so very badly treated had not pre-empted a need, not obeyed an order. She had made a choice.

No bad consequence would come from that; Faith knew that this was key. She made a decision and that made Faith and Padraig happy. For now, making Padraig happy was important to Luna and by proxy making Faith happy was too. Getting Luna to make decisions based on her own needs and wants was a long, long way away. Faith knew it as surely as she knew how confusing this was.

"There's a room here, for you. A bed to sleep on." Faith's voice was calm, quiet. "We'd like it if you would let us look after you, help you heal." Truth told, that would be a long time coming if it ever came. Would it ever come for either of them, Faith wondered? Padraig knew, they shared a bed after all; she still woke in fear now and then. Not as often as she had, not by a long shot, but sometimes. The hidden scars, they were the slowest ones to fade.

How she wished that he didn't have to experience that. But he did, because she did. One trial, she was determined, they would be free. Truly, finally and completely free of the consequences. By Moseke's light, Luna would be too, Faith determined. She would be.

Faith, without realising the irony of what she was doing, put a selection of bread, cheese and relishes on a plate and handed it to Padraig with a smile. "The relish in the small bowl is onion. I've tried a new combination, I think it's better. What do you think?" Turning back to Luna, once Padraig had answered, Faith got her some more bread with a small bowl of a sweet relish and a small spoon. Faith handed Luna her slice of bread and took one for herself. Then, she held the spoon, showing Luna how it was held, then used it to put a small amount on her bread before eating it. Offering the spoon to Luna, Faith was ready to help her as much, or as little as she needed, encouraging her with a nod and smile. "Would you like to try? I made this, the bread and the relish because it makes me happy to look after people. In this house, which is my home, Padraig's home, Grandfather and Katie's home and now your home too, in this house, we look after each other. We'd like to look after you, if you'd let us." As Faith spoke, Cosmo made his way over. The usually exuberant pup simply walked in and sat down, calmly, on the floor between Faith and Luna. "This is Cosmo." Reaching out, she stroked the dog whose tail wagged, thumping slightly on the floor. "Would you like to feel how soft his coat is? You don't have to, but if you'd like to?"

Small decisions, each one got her more used to making a decision. Each time, made the process a little easier. Faith watched, aware that the young woman wouldn't say she was tired or that she needed anything, simply waiting until she was ordered to sleep, or allowed to.

[Padraig]

Faith smiled at him, as if to reassure him when she caught him looking her way, instead of being focused on Luna. Padraig would worry anyway. It was so much of who she was, this focus on the welfare of others that if she couldn't worry about herself, then he would. He'd have worried anyway. Back on the boat, Pash hadn't helped. He hadn't helped, a lot, Padraig thought, and it angered him all over again. There were things they'd talked about already, and there was probably more. But for now, Luna was the focus.

He knew that it was a step in the right direction, the girl choosing what she'd call Faith without him stepping in to prompt her one way or another. But Padraig realized that for one step forward, she could as easily take another one back. She had a long way to go. And of course when Faith told her that there was a room and a bed for her, Luna's expression was not unlike someone trying to decipher a completely foreign language. Her brows knitted together and she risked a glance directly at Faith to try and figure out, was she serious? Under other circumstances Padraig might have laughed. Just that brief glance, something about it made it seem like Luna wondered, was this woman in front of her mad?

As for the bread and the relish, each thing that Faith asked her to try, she did. Though clearly the relish was something she'd never tasted before. And the cheese was probably a rarity in itself. As Cosmo approached however, the girl's eyes shot up and she shrank back further into her chair, pulling her knees up and hugging them to her. Padraig frowned as he watched. The dog hadn't done anything remotely threatening, which made him wonder what experience she might have had with dogs before. It occurred to him that a dog might have been used to somehow keep her or other slaves in line.

She looked his way. "Cosmo is a member of our family. He won't hurt you, I promise." She looked skeptical, he thought, but glancing back at Faith she tentatively reached a hand out and brushed one of Cosmo's ears with her fingertips. She grew bolder once realizing that in fact the pup returned the affection in kind by licking the tips of her bare toes. She didn't smile, but on the other hand relaxed. The trial it appeared was catching up with her and she'd be hard pressed not to nod off in the chair.

[Faith Augustin]

When Luna looked at her, Faith's expression was entirely serious but she was pleased beyond measure that the girl had done it. There was a personality under there, Faith was growing more and more sure of it. It was deeply buried by the abuses Luna had suffered but it was there and that was all they needed to help her. And if she was wrong and there was not? Then they would look after her, and that was that.

As Cosmo licked Luna's toes, Faith smiled at the young woman and watched her. Sleeping had been one of the harder things for Faith, because of the level of self-determination it took. To go from sleeping being a privilege granted by an owner and only undertaken when an owner said so, to it being something she was expected to self-regulate had been very hard. "In this house," she said, her voice gentle, "in this family, we sleep when we are tired. No one has to be wait to be told. It's what we do because it's best for everyone. That way, no one is tired and no one is worried about someone else being tired. Are you feeling tired, Luna?" It was a direct question and so, Faith thought she would answer it and as Luna nodded her head, Faith smiled.

It was all such a lot to take in and Faith knew that Luna had taken in as much as she could, so Faith replied in the calm, matter-of-fact tone she had adopted with Luna most of the trial, "alright then. I'll show you your room and help you get into your nightgown. Show you where things are for you, alright?" Luna, of course, looked at Padraig but she seemed more relaxed, just slightly, about being with just Faith, leaving him. Faith took it as a sign that she felt more comfortable. "We're just here, I'll show you. Look, Cosmo wants to come too." Indeed, the dog padded off with them.

She was gone just over a quarter break, before she returned and sat next to him on the sofa. She put her hand into his, but did not lean into him as she might normally. There were a hundred questions running through her mind, but at the same time, there was just one. What had happened, all of that, were flying like feathers in a gusting wind, but there was something bigger in front of them that she had to ask first. It was just that she didn't want to, because she was terrified of the answer. "Whatever the answer is, it's fine and we'll work it out," Faith prayed in thanks to Vri for the simple truth of that, "and whatever the answer is, I'm yours. Only you, Padraig, for me." Her hand held on to his, there in his lap and she seemed to be almost speaking to those hands joined together.

But that wouldn't do. She couldn't have this conversation with his hand so Faith lifted her head and looked at him, trying not to show how afraid of the answer she was. "I don't care about Yolande or what you were made to feel about her, that isn't important. Nothing happened, but if it had I'd feel the same." It was important that she said that, because it was completely true and Faith didn't want him thinking that bit mattered at all. It didn't. What mattered to her was something Pash had said and she couldn't shake it.

"I'm sorry. I'm shoddy, we know that. It's selfish of me to ask, but Pash said that someone herded your feelings for me like dolphins and then snipped them, cut them." Damnit all but she heard her voice tremble at those last two words. Breathing in, Faith pushed it down, stored it away. He had been subjected to an invasive attack and then an equally invasive process of fending off the attack, she knew. The last thing he needed was pressure from her, yet she had to know. So, Faith did her best to sound breezy but failed dismally when she asked, "I don't want you to worry or be concerned, no matter what. But I just wanted to know if he told you if he think that they might come back?" Faith's voice was as calm as she could make it when she asked that, and added, "And if they will, did he tell you when?"

[Padraig]

For Luna, there was a great deal of looking between Faith and Padraig in order to make sure that what Faith was suggesting was what he wanted. "It's not about doing what I wish you to do, Luna," he said quietly, with an encouraging smile. "Unless it's what you want or need. That's what pleases me, for you to choose. It's the same for Faith." It was a concept the girl was far from embracing, but for the moment the approach was working. She got up then from her chair and went with Faith, though clearly she was overwhelmed. Exhausted too, after all she'd been through. It was that which made her much less resistant, and caused her to fall into a deep and healing sleep not long after Faith coaxed her into the bed.

Of course Padraig had known that there was something else on Faith's mind, and he also suspected he might know what it was. He was right, he realized as she sat down beside him. And again, he wanted to give Pash a good kick in the pants. If he'd anticipated what the bard would do and say once they reached shore, he might have tossed him overboard for good measure, halfway home. It was the bard who had put all these thoughts on her mind and caused her to worry. And him, who should have been plainer about what had actually occurred. Except that he'd never expected to have that conversation right there on the boat, in front of captain, crew and the rest of the world.

"Faith," he said and wrapped his hands round hers. "All of this stuff, how Yolande did what she did, how Pash did what he did, it's all secret code to me. I only know what I felt and didn't feel. No one herded my feelings for you," he stated as plainly as he could. "I don't know what Yolande's intentions were, what she tried to do. But if that's it, if that's what she planned, it was an utter failure. I can't say that Pash is lying so much as he's confused what he saw and felt. There was no affection for her, no lack of affection or devotion to you. There was a passing physical attraction and nothing more."

It was possible, Padraig added, that what Pash sensed was what Yolande had attempted, and had hoped would happen. And he confused it with what he was actually feeling. "Whatever he did to look inside, he did it by putting hands on both of us at once." Padraig elaborated on that, telling her how uncomfortable it had made him, when the bard came so close and remained there with his hands on shoulders. So uncomfortable in fact that Padraig had stepped away and put some distance between them. "What I was feeling ended there, but to be honest even though I'm grateful, if I'd known what he was doing without asking, I'd have laid him out then and there."

But it was shortly after, when they'd reached the ruins, that Yolande had disappeared into thin air. "It wasn't the only faulty judgement call he made," Padraig added. "When I stepped in front of Luna to prevent Delta from killing her, and then refused to lay down arms while Kura was threatening to kill me, again he maintained that no one there, me included, was in control of our own minds and thinking." Heavily implying, that was, that nothing but madness should have caused Padraig to come to the slave's aid or defend himself against a second threat.

"Anything I felt as a result of Yolande's interference...there's not a trace left of it. And it was physical. Nothing more." As far as he was concerned however, once he got past the anger he felt at Pash's meddling in this case, Padraig nonetheless would maintain that it was a dangerous talent to have so long as the one wielding it was inexperienced and unable to recognize his own mistakes.

[Faith Augustin]

Sometimes, holding on to her emotions was hard. Other times, it was impossible.

As tears sprang into her eyes, Faith knew that this was going to be one of the second sort of times. She listened to his words, looking down at his hands as they covered hers. It was important, though, that he heard what she said; if only she could speak properly in this moment, that was. Sadly, speech simply eluded her and she entwined her fingers in his, trying to make what she had to say sound sensible, or lucid or even vaguely logical.

"Do you remember," she asked with a smile, although tears were two words away at most, "the first time you put your arms around me? In Treid's head, after Yvithia spoke to you. When you said to me that there was no one else you'd want to share it with, I just wanted to tell you. But I couldn't, it was impossible." She smiled and leaned against him, relaxing into him in her more usual fashion. "Sorrow and love, I think I started to understand Vri there, you know. I think maybe we both did." Turning her head to nestle against his shoulder, Faith recalled it and closed her eyes. There'd been more lessons than that in Vri's domains for them, no doubting.

Lifting her head she spoke the simple truth. "When Pash said about herding and snipping, I thought it meant herding and snipping your love for me." Faith's voice even managed to sound calm, though her eyes told a different story. "I'm glad that's not the case." She took one of her hands out of his and put it on his cheek. "We would have fixed it even if that had happened, but I'm glad." Biting her lower lip, she blinked a few times to get herself under control, but was failing pretty dismally.

Pash had thought that Padraig had stepped in front of Luna because of the empath messing in his head? Faith frowned and shook her head, "But that's ridiculous. You'd have always done that." Lifting her head she kissed him, closing her eyes against the wave of relief that she felt. "You did it to me more than once. Jumped in front of an Immortal, you did." Lissira, that had been and he had not hesitated. "Shadow beasts, bandits in the woods. It's who you are, oh, I'm sorry." Why was she crying now she wondered? Now that she knew that he hadn't had his feelings for her herded and then snipped. "I'm being ridiculous. My apologies."

Nestling against him, Faith just allowed herself to calm down for a few moments, taking in the information he'd given her. It was a lot to take in and she'd been so worried about him before she'd seen him on the boat; then immediately after she found out he hadn't been infected with a fatal disease, she got told all sorts of things which she had, in fairness, misunderstood. All in all, she considered, it was an unusual trial, even for them. Although, something else about it was unusual, too, and Faith tightened her arm around him, pulling herself closer. "I miss this. Just us, on the sofa," she raised her head to look at him.

"I think I've become very selfish, you know. But I do miss it. Us. Space to be us." It was selfish, she knew, and they needed to just deal with it because they were lucky and surrounded by love. "I want to be talking to you about our future. Things like having another child, Padraig. About when we might want that, that kind of thing, but if it's anything like this wedding, can you imagine?" For all the emotion that had run through the last few breaks for her, Faith could not help but grin at the sudden visual image that she had. "I'm just very aware that we've got a lot of people involved and everyone has opinions on how we should do this, every step," she raised an eyebrow at him at the parallel there and smiled, humour lighting her face as she nudged him in the ribs. "You know I'm right. Every step."

[Padraig]

"I remember," Padraig said quietly when Faith reminded him of what had happened inside Treid's Tomb. More specifically, the last few bit they'd spent there. How could he forget? "I thought we might die there and that it would be our last moments together. What I said then, there was more I wanted to say but couldn't because it wouldn't have been fair," he confessed and squeezed her hands in his. "Later, after Tristan freed you and you turned up at my door, it took me too long to say what I should have before. I'd forgotten the lesson. But not now," he assured her.

But herding and snipping? They were just ordinary words to him that became confounding when used in that context. Still, he got the gist of it and frowned. "That may very well have been her intention, and that may be what Pash perceived when he looked, but got her intentions tangled up with what I was actually feeling." In short, the bard must have identified Yolande's intentions, sensed Pad's own discomfort and assumed the effort to have been successful. That was the problem with assuming, he thought, and then throwing those assumptions around without ever examining them first. He grinned a little in spite of the moment's weight. "Very unscientific of him."

"Don't apologize," he said and reached up, brushed a tear away with his thumb. "It's only natural you have questions and concerns. I would too." And then when she leaned against him and raised her head again a few trills later, Padraig grinned. "It is unusually quiet around here at the moment. It's funny, all the usual activity and noise. When it's suddenly quiet again you wonder if somebody is up to something they ought not to be." It was something his grandfather must have felt when Padraig was a boy, when all went quiet in his room. Given his interest in alchemy and chemistry, the old man must've have worried that his grandson was about to inadvertently blow the house up.

Others could have their opinions, he told her then. But their lives were their own, their wedding theirs and ultimately what they wanted was what ought to be. But something in there caught him off guard. "Children?" He made a point of not thinking about their loss. Except that it was wasted effort. Each time he passed a young family, a young father in the park with a small girl's hand clutching his, he was reminded all over again. "Do you?" he asked. "I mean, children." He'd also avoided raising the topic with Faith, wanting to avoid painful reminders. But he'd wondered all the same and just hadn't realized, so did she.