Life after death.

[Vega]

28th Cylus 718
following this

She was sitting on their bed, her mangled legs straightened out in front of her and she examined them with a deep frown on her face. She didn't like looking at them, yet she sat with her hands folded in her lap and she could not take her eyes off them. Splinted, stitched from the surgeries she had apparently undergone on them, they were all she could focus on. They hurt too much for her to have even a blanket on them, but they were so immobilized that she couldn't even twitch them slightly. They were awful, worse than awful and she didn't want to gaze upon them.

And yet, she sat and stared.

"So, this sucks, Xiur," she whispered, her voice soft but more vulnerable, ragged and raw than she ever was. "'Cos they said I might well not walk again, an' if I do, it'll hurt. So, I'm buildin' in a bit of time for a pity ditty while he's cookin'. What shizzlin' use am I if I can't fight? If I can't keep up with him, do what he's doin'? I teased him, you know, about what we'd do if he ever wanted to settle down an' be a banker, but it never occurred to me that I might 'ave to stop. It never even crossed my mind." She breathed in, her eyes fixed on the swollen mass that had been a perfectly functioning knee just a matter of breaks before, totally unaware that he was in the doorway. "An' I'm not gonna." The pity ditty had been rather shortlived, it seemed. "They said that the best healers looked after me, that I was in surgery for breaks, an' I have hope. So I'm gonna hold on to that, an' I'm gonna get better. All the way better. So as for this whole not walkin' gubbins, it's not 'appenin' an' if you see anyone suggest it, thump them for me, would you? Till I can?" It had been an awful season, in many ways, Vega knew. It had started with her running away and ended with her not able to twitch her toes. Death forged roses and pure flame had been the things which had plagued her all season and now, here she was.

Here they were, she knew that, too. He wouldn't go anywhere, wasn't going anywhere and there was no doubt of that in her mind. So, that left a simple truth. She had to get better. For him, for them. That was more than motivation enough. Vega very much wanted to punch something, but all she could do was thump her head against the headboard. She'd tried that earlier and it had made her cry out in pain as the vibrations had moved down her body. So, she was facing however long until the damn things healed without any violence. It never rained, she thought with an ironic twist of her lips.

Hearing a noise, she dragged her eyes away from the mess that was her legs and she saw him coming in. "Hey," she said with the closest she could do to a chipper grin. Had to be said, she did her best. "How're you doin'?" There were a hundred emotions filling her eyes, but mostly she was worried about him. "I thought you'd done yer stint as nursemaid to me." Somehow, genuinely, she looked almost calm. "I know I don't got to say it, but I'm gonna. I wish we never went to that stupid party. I didn't even take any of the free drink or anythin', you know? But when we woke up chained, I 'ad to try an' escape." Her head turned back to the bed and her gaze to the legs. "I'm so sorry, Arlo."

Breathing in, she frowned. "I'm gonna get better. I'm gonna walk. But we need to talk about this." There was no doubting that in her mind. "What did you see, Arlo? An' don't give me any crudly 'alf-answers an' mysterious clues what I need to be three types of psychic to work out. That's not me, an' that's not you an' that's most certainly not us." Her eyes lifted momentarily and met his. "More than anythin' I wanna protect you. It's why I jump in front of you, why I climbed a mountain to get away from you. Jus' the thought of you hurtin' makes me hurt. But we can't hide this. Did you see me die?" She held out her hand, hoping that he'd come and sit on the bed, at the least holding her hand. The food could wait, at least for her. Him? He had different needs these trials and he was probably faint with hunger

"I'll tell you all of it. If you wanna hear it, what I saw when I was gone, all of it. But I think you're more hurt inside than any part of me, inside or out. An we can't have that" Her fingers entwined tightly in his and she reached out to stroke his face, gently and carefully. If he let her, she'd pull him to her, his head against her and her arms around him, because she thought he needed it. But she didn't think he'd let her. Either way, whether holding his hand and looking at him or murmured as she held him close to her. "I love you. An' I will always come back. Remember, you promised me that once? But it's true right back, an' I told the twins, Pier an' Pre." She smiled and then looked at him, almost sternly. "So. What happened, far as you're concerned?"

[Arlo Creede]

If it hadn't been for Vega's father or cousin, or in fact Lyova, Arlo wouldn't have left the room he shared with Vega, or the side of the bed he had her sleeping in on her own at present. It wasn't as if him being there by her side would cause her to heal any faster. But he worried anyway. With Lyova though and the way they could communicate over distances, mind to mind, one with the other, it was as close to being there as was possible. The little diri watched over her, while he took the time to prepare a good meal for them all, or to take care of some other small job up on deck.

He was never gone for long though. He'd left food behind in the kitchen for the others, and returned to their cabin with a tray in his hand. Mugs of tea, winter berries with cream and handheld meat and vegetable pies, it was a simple meal that he'd made but a good choice for winter too. Better to warm themselves up from the inside out, and stay that way for a while. Arlo was back sooner than Vega realized though. Nearing their cabin and hearing her engaged in prayer, he stopped short of showing himself in the doorway. And while he wasn't exactly making a point of listening in, he couldn't help but hear her either.

She was worried, no question in his mind. Worried about walking again, worried about him and a host of other things. Arlo wanted to stroll in and tell her to stop thinking that way. That of course she was going to walk again, and of course he was going to be there by her side, every step of the way. And if it didn't happen that way? Then they'd still be doing it together no matter what. Except that to say all that meant letting her know he'd heard her prayer, and for all that they were together, this was hers, between her and Xiur. So he rattled the tray to alert her that he was coming, and strolled into their room with a smile.

How was he doing? "Great," he said, his smile much like hers, come to think of it, and he put the tray down on the small table beside the bed. "I've got some of that powder the healer said to put into your tea." For the pain, he meant, and the stuff also tended to make her a little drowsy. "And I don't mind. You've played nursemaid to me too, more than once," Arlo reminded her when she worried about it. "It's what we do. It's just lucky that we tend not to both get injured at once." And she shouldn't apologize either, he insisted. What else would she have done, but fight back?

"Of course you're going to walk again," he said plainly. There wasn't an alternative after all. "So what's to talk about?" Of course he knew exactly what she meant. But not only would Arlo rather not, further he saw no reason to. What had happened, had happened. What was done, done and then undone. And now there'd be healing and it was as simple as that. He smiled and shrugged, but was content to stay seated and keep hold of her hand. Was he hurting? He guessed if he'd been willing to think about it, then there'd be some hurt to be had. But he'd always had a knack and still did. What he chose not to know or dwell on, he didn't. And what would be the point?

Of course he'd seen her die, he told her. He'd seen it, probably just as she remembered it happening herself. "I sent Lyova ahead to find you," he said. "and she told me before I saw for myself. But then I also saw that you were whole again. I didn't see Pier and Pre though. I guess whatever happened after...Well I guess you're the only one who'd have seen that," Arlo figured. But, he continued to believe that while, yes, they needed to talk, it was because it might do her a world of good. He might have witnessed it, but it had happened to her. And he was just fine.

[Vega]

He was great? They were both being more positive than they felt, but that was taking it a bit too far, she thought and she frowned when he spoke about the powder. "I don't want it. It makes me sleepy an' the pain's not so bad I can't manage." She'd rather be awake and in control of herself, any trial of the day. "It's jus' for the pain, isn't it? It doesn't make me heal faster or nothin'?" They'd given him medicines, lists, instructions and all sorts. Whether they'd normally do that or not, and Vega thought they probably would, the fact that he was employed by, studied with and was friends with one of the healers there certainly didn't harm when it came to the treatment she'd received.

As for playing nursemaid, well he was right, yes. They had played the role for each other more than once. Didn't change the issues here, though, or the extent of it. It wasn't a few trials keeping an eye on someone. In a best case scenario it was for a lot longer, she was immobile and so it would require more than just watching but actual medical and personal care, and they both knew it. But what was to talk about? Was he serious, she wondered and she looked at him with a more than surprised expression on her face. But yes, he'd seen her die and then he'd seen her come back and that was that, it seemed. As for the twins, well he had a point. "No, I guess that 'appened during, rather than before or after." It was strange, but there it was. Vega couldn't say she was entirely sure how to respond to Arlo in that moment and she glanced at the food he'd brought in. "It smells great," The pain made her feel sick and so did just looking at her legs, which she'd have to do as she looked at the food. "Are Papa an' Huw havin' some?"

So, he didn't want to talk about it, she thought as he smiled and shrugged. Never had she thought that he'd be shrugging about her death, but there it was and she understood that he was protecting himself the best and only way he could, so she let his hand go so that he could eat. She told him she loved him, that she'd always come back and he ignored that bit, which told her a lot about how he was feeling, what he needed. "So, we need to work out practical stuff, I guess? I've got opinions, you'll be surprised to know," she tried to smile but failed, her eyes a mass of different colours, all shifting and changing apparently randomly. "We need to decide when we leave." There was no doubt in her mind that she thought they should do what he, her father and cousin felt was best in terms of that decision. However, she'd been thinking she said and she'd had an idea. "You are down a crew member, an' maybe you should take someone else on, so's there's four of you who can be useful. The twins' new wives," also twins and now part of their clan, "they've got an older sister. Jus' an arc or two, close to our age. She could come a'board while I can't do anythin' for you." She didn't quite meet his eyes when she spoke about that, but she was focused on picking at her food.

"In this weather, an' takin' the route we're gonna take which'll be colder cos of where it is," they'd chosen the path less travelled, of course. "well, we don't know 'ow long I'm gonna be out of the story, Arlo. Even if my leg 'eals in the way that means I can walk, it'll take a long time after that till I'm strong again. Have your lists got timeframes?" They did, she knew. She'd been more than half out of it, but she'd also been awake enough to hear the conversation between him and the healer. If it all went well, it would be a long time. If it didn't, then it would be longer or not at all. "So, I guess in the meantime, you should probably move into one of the other bedrooms." Of course, sharing a bed with anyone, even in a purely platonic sense just wasn't possible for her at this point. Besides that, she thought, he needed time to be by himself or with other people, not stuck in here. And of course, there was that timescale and his blessing.

Looking down at her plate at that thought, Vega sighed. "I'm sorry. It's delicious, it really is, but I can't. You want it?" She offered him her barely-touched pie with the best smile she could manage, glancing at his mostly-empty plate she shook her head. "Ever since that blessin' you an' all your appetites, Arlo Creede. I 'ope you've stocked up on enough food for ten people for two 'undred trials if the four, or five of us if we ask her, are goin' an' it'll be less than a hundred." Still, they needed to decide it, work it out. And she needed to know that he was alright, too. "I think it's sensible to ask her, so long as she knows that she's replacin' me short term. Only till I'm up an' walkin' again." She gave as genuine a grin as she could manage and, in fairness, it had a hint of mirth in it. "Or, if my legs wither away to less than useless, an' I'm done for walkin', she can stay."

[Arlo Creede]

Vega didn't want the medicine that he could've dropped into her tea. Tasteless stuff, though Arlo guessed he understood her resistance to it. He was as likely as her to want to see himself through the discomfort. "It's mostly for pain I guess. But maybe that's not such a bad thing. If it relieves pain then it might help you sleep and also to relax, which maybe could help speed the healing." Of course Arlo was no healer, not even close. But the reasoning from his perspective, made some measure of sense.

The surprise on her face when she looked at him, then her abrupt turn to more practical topics, surprised Arlo in turn. Suddenly her posture, her tone seemed detached. Had she misinterpreted his resistance to talking about what had happened, not wanting to revisit or think on it, as him being flippant or not caring or loving her enough? Probably. Certainly. Though Arlo was a long way from being anything but confused by her abrupt change in attitude. Anything else would have required some very deep thinking. The kind of thinking that women, philosophers and touchy feely poets and musicians did. And Arlo wasn't any of those.

"They ate, yeah," he said when she asked about her father and cousin. So, practical things it was then. "I think we can probably plan on setting sail as soon as the first report comes that the trade routes have cleared," he said. Cleared of most of the ice, he meant. He was prepared from the outset, already, to protest and tell her that they didn't need another crew member. But before he could, she told him just who she had in mind. Looking at her, an incredulous expression overtaking his features, Arlo wondered if in addition to having lost her life, traveled to the afterlife and then back again, if she'd also managed to lose her mind.

He figured she was probably suggesting it for any number of reasons, all of them wrongheaded and unreasonable, and then impossibly she skipped along to other topics as if she was rattling off a list for market. "No," Arlo said bluntly. "We don't need any extra crew. What we've got is plenty and we'll right up a way for you to be up on deck as well," he told her. She could do what she could do, until she could do more and more over time. And the rest? There was him, her father and her cousin to take care of the rest.

They could talk about charts and routes and supplies later, but that was a topic they'd settle first. That, and another while they were at it. "I've already thought about the sleeping arrangements. There's plenty of space in here. I'll move in another single bed to sleep in until you're recovered." It would be impossible of course to share a bed at the moment, but there was no saying that they couldn't be sharing a room while she took her time healing. To suggest otherwise in his opinion, was as ridiculous as saying he should bring another woman on board.

[Vega]

He made a fair point about the medicinal stuff and she thought about it. "Alright, well I'll take it before bed time, an' it'll hopefully 'elp me to sleep the night through. I don't mind that, I jus' don't wanna be sleepin' all the rest of the time." His suggestion made sense and she understood it. So, a compromise was the best thing to do as far as she could see. Sleeping the night through was good, but sleeping the trial away too? That was what ill people, sick people, old people and their like did. Not her.

But then, he looked surprised when she did what he wanted and turned the conversation to practical things. Why would he be surprised at that, she wondered. Was he expecting some kind of hysterics from her, or some bite back because he wanted to focus on stuff that wasn't about her dying? She was in too much pain and too worked up by his complete lack of response to her to be thinking about how things might seem from his point of view, and besides, it was what he'd said, wasn't it? What was to talk about, that was what he'd asked. She could live to be a hundred and a hundred more, she thought in that moment and she would never understand men. Especially him. He'd said what he wanted, she'd done what he wanted and now he was looking all surprised.

They'd leave as soon as the reports came in saying they could, he said and that was good. So, she suggested the additional crew member and he looked at her incredulously with a look on his face when she made an entirely reasonable suggestion which made her feel like he thought she was an idiot for even suggesting it. And then, he told her no. Just that, no. No, they didn't need any extra crew. No, end of conversation. She looked at him wide eyed in surprise as he said that. He'd never said that to her before, just like that and Vega truly didn't care for it one bit, the swirling colours of her eyes telling of her confusion at him speaking to her like that. And he was going to be pulling her up and down those stairs, was he, she thought? On a trial by trial basis, that had to be a bad idea, surely? Considering how many times they'd told him that she had to keep her legs still, that if they healed badly she'd be in pain for the rest of her life. Was that a sensible idea? She didn't think so, but he wasn't putting it forward as something to discuss, just saying it how it was going to be.

No, not one bit did she care for it.

Vega closed her eyes and rested her head back against the headboard. "I guess the answer to 'Who died an' made you Captain?' is that I did," she said, her voice resigned. Normally, she knew, she'd be yelling at him now, asking him who exactly he thought he was talking to and lots of other things beside. "Talk to Papa, Arlo. He's got experience sailin' that neither of us 'ave. Trial by trial, the three of you'll be fine, but if there's a storm? You'll want to be with me, makin' sure I'm not hurt, tossed out of bed, whatever. That leaves jus' two of them? It's reckless." Every bit of her throbbed in time with the knee and she sighed. Then, she opened her eyes and looked at him. "An' so is tryin' to cart me up on deck like a barrel of salted cod every trial." But that was for him and her father to work out, she said nothing more than that.

Then, he talked about bringing a single bed in here and Vega looked at him without speaking for a full bit. She needed to formulate what she was going to say in her head and her head was muggy and full of pain and confusion. Eventually, she realised that she couldn't say what she was thinking, because she wasn't entirely sure. She was suddenly clearly reminded of the time he'd got back from U'frek, after she and Reese had been fighting. When he'd seen her face, he'd wanted to run off and put it right and she understood that impulse. But it wasn't what she'd needed from him, then. However, as much as it wasn't what she needed now, either, she understood that it was what he did. "If that's what you want, but I won't sleep as well with you here." His sleep pattern, after all, meant that he was awake all the breaks, it seemed, and she needed to sleep. "If you're sleepin' I'll feel like I've got to sleep too, even if I don't want to. An' if I want to but you're not, then I'll feel like I shouldn't." Plus, she said, if they were taking turns above decks, however many of them there were, they'd be calling for him and waking both of them up in the process. But if that was what he'd decided, then he should do that because at the end of the trial where he slept was up to him. It wasn't the same as sharing a bed, where just the proximity of him meant that she fell asleep with her head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat, she said. She smiled a slight but genuine smile when she added that also, that meant they stayed awake together. But neither of those situations were what this was. This was two beds, two routines trying to work together and to her mind, that was very different than what they were used to.

At the end of the trial, though, she couldn't fight it, couldn't stop it. She couldn't even manage a good flounce, Vega thought with a slight and ironic twist of her lips. They both knew what she was saying, she knew they did. She was trying to make it sound light, keep it chatty but she was fooling no one, especially not herself. "We're both workin' to the same end goal, Arlo. I jus' think it's gonna be difficult enough, an' you know since that blessin'.. " It was her turn to shrug and she motioned down to her legs. "I'm jus' tryin' to be practical. I thought that was what you wanted, wasn't it? Cos, I told you I love you, an' I'll always come back an' you said nothin' except 'what's to talk about?' So, if me dyin' isn't worth to talk about, an' the thought that I might not sardin' well walk again isn't important enough, then let's talk about you and be practical about that." Oh look, she thought, she did still have a temper. It was just a bit more buried under the pain in her legs. "It's jus' practical, innit? You need to eat more since the blessin', so you cook more. You're not goin' to stop doin' that cos I'm not eatin' are you? It isn't practical, an' what's to talk about, so lets take the same attitude with everythin', an' just be BLOODY PRACTICAL." Yep, definitely all there. Unlike her legs, Vega was pleased to report that her temper was in full working order.

"What's to talk about? Nothin'! Not when you've decided who'll go where an' do what. Yes, Captain, carry on, an' leave me out of it. An' I really wanna storm out now, but it all jus' really hurts, Arlo an' we've got to jus' do whatever it takes to make it through this, the two of us, 'cos I need you an' you need me an' we have got to get through this." Looking around, obviously looking for something a deep frown creased her forehead and then she breathed out and closed her eyes, resting her head back again, pain etched into her face as she spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. and it, too, was tense with pain. "It jus' hurts everywhere, an' I'm jus' tryin' to make it easy for you. possible for you. I don't want any of this, but I'll do whatever we've got to for us to be alright at the end of this. What's to talk about? We could start with why are you such a dweeb?" It seemed like a logical place to her. Practical, even.

[Arlo Creede]

"That's not funny Vega," Arlo shot back when she referenced dying, and becoming captain by default. For the life of him he couldn't figure out what was going on in her head. It must be the pain, Arlo figured. The physical and emotional trauma, all the upset, the knowledge that she'd be bedridden for some time. They were the only things he could think of to explain it. "I'm not trying to run things or tell you how it ought to be," he said, standing up from the edge of the bed. "You think one thing, and I think or suggest another and it's me taking control?"

If she'd rather stay abed the whole time she was healing, he told her, then he'd respect that choice. "I only meant that we might find a way to get you up on deck now and then without jostling you around too much." And did she really expect him not to realize she was suggesting something more than an extra hand when she put forward that particular choice? He'd have pointed it out to her, that he wasn't that dense and could read what was blatantly between the lines. It was as good as painted there in bright, bold red letters. But she'd only deny it and then accuse him of being the one to think of it.

"If your father and cousin think we need an extra hand till you're better, they can bring one on. I'm the least experienced one on board, they'll know best I'm sure," he said, only repeating what she'd as good as said herself. Even if she was right and another pair of hands would be needed for a while, there was still plenty there to rub him the wrong way. "And if you didn't want me sleeping in here because it'll disturb you, then you should have said it that way. I'll set up in the cabin down the way," he said.

But then? Then she went and did it. Scowling at Vega, Arlo shook his head with sheer frustration. "Not worth talking about? That's not what I meant and you know it Vega. And who's making plans for who here?" he challenged her. "Where I ought to sleep, who I ought to get to help us out and replace you till you're better? I love you. You know that already. But it's not, what's there to talk about. It's about why." She'd asked him to tell her what he'd seen, but she knew already he said.

"You talk like speaking about it in detail is going to fix something, but I'm telling you it's not. What good is it to you or me either one, to tell you that Lyova gave me a blow by blow description, and then I saw it all just like she told it? How's it going to fix anything to say that whenever I'm still or at the edge of sleeping I can still see, hear and even smell it and can't help my mind racing with what it must have felt like, like I felt it myself." Didn't she really think, he asked her, that just because he didn't want to talk about, meant that he didn't care enough or love her enough? Did she think it meant that he was in some kind of denial?

"I'm not Vega. But going over the details isn't going to change them, and it isn't going to stop me from thinking that I might have been able to do something to stop it, if I'd done something different or I'd been there sooner. But I don't want you trying to tell me that I shouldn't be thinking that way," he said before she could think of doing exactly that. "Because I'm going to anyway. If talking about what happened, however you need to talk about it is what you need, I'll talk about it all the trial through."

For her though, not for him. "But if you're somehow worried that this thing that's happened, or this laying in for a while is going to change things somehow, it's not. Not for me, not ever. I love you. So you can stop trying to fix things with the one hand that only need time to mind, while trying to shove me away with the other."

[Vega]

She shook her head when he said that him disagreeing with her meant she accused him of taking control. "You jus' said no. No, we don't need anyone else." To her mind, she said, that wasn't how they normally discussed things. "It felt like you were jus' tellin' me what we could an' could not, would an' would not do." Where he'd be putting her and when, but she didn't say that for all that she thought it. "If that weren't what you meant, I'm sorry." When he explained what he meant, though, about getting her up on deck, she nodded. Her eyes were a mass of colours, like an artist had splashed paint randomly and she looked at him like she was lost. "I'm scared if I move I'm gonna stop myself walkin'. I want to be on deck, I want..." Her voice caught, "I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't take risks. I jus' really don't want to mess up." He was irritated at what she was suggesting, she knew he was, but then he always would be. She kept quiet when he said about the extra hand, but when he informed her that he'd move cabin down the way, Vega felt tears threaten behind her eyes. But she didn't cry because this was the beginning and how long it took, Vega really didn't know. So, she said nothing but the tears shone in her eyes, though they remained unshed and she held his gaze.

And then, he blew.

In fairness, he blew in response to her doing the same thing and, as he spoke, Vega sat, wide eyed. She said nothing in reply, her eyes watching him in a constantly changing swirl of colour and shades of each one. "I'm sorry," she said, after he fell silent. It was rare that those words exited Vega's mouth and she'd said them three times in a matter of bits. Lowering her head, she didn't say anything for a good few bits more, just looking down at her legs, her head thumping in time with the throbbing in her knee. "I'm not tryin' to do any of those things. I'm sorry, Arlo, I am. If I 'adn't been so stupid, then you wouldn't be feelin' what you feel." Seeing and hearing and smelling what he did, he'd be sleeping properly and he'd not be caught in a cycle of what he could have done, she said. It was all might-have and what-if, she knew that she said. But wasn't that what they were both fighting? No, she replied, she didn't intend on telling him that he shouldn't think the way he was thinking, feel the way he was feeling. Anything but that, she understood that what had happened had hurt him.

And come to that? With a look in her eyes that told just how much those words, those questions he asked about what he believed she really thought stung, she replied. "What I really think is that you don't wanna talk cos it hurts you so much you can't function when you think about it, let alone when you allow yourself to feel anythin' an' you need to function, or you think you do, for me. You don't. We can 'old each other up, you don't need to always be the strong one." Except, for him, he probably did. "An' I don't think yer in denial, I think yer livin' there in that room where I died." That was straightforward and simple, but then, on to the thing he'd asked her which really hurt. More than she'd be prepared to admit. "An' I know how much you love me, Arlo. There's no question, never 'as been. You love me more than I deserve, an' more than I dreamed an' no, I don't think any of those things, not even a little bit. What I really feel is sorry that I've messed up so much that you feel you need to ask me those questions. But I can't blame you, either." No, she knew where the blame lay and it was with her. What did she expect, after all. How much could anyone take before they started wondering? Vega didn't know but she figured that Arlo had to be close to his edge. "None of it's what I really think. I'm sorry I've given you cause to think it is, or even might be. It's not even ... it's a million leagues away from what I really think, an' a million more from what I feel, qau'ma" She couldn't look at him, because he'd see the hurt in her eyes that he had to ask that, that he thought that was how she really felt. That it was how he felt, about her and her opinion of him.

"I'm not tryin' to shove you away, I'm trying to make it easier for you to stay, because even when it was 'appenin', in the middle of it, all I could think about was you." She lifted her head and looked at him. She was hesitant to say this, considering what he'd asked and what she'd just answered, that he could ever think she would think so poorly of him. But that just meant, she knew, that he had to know. So, she spoke with a trembling voice. "Then, when I woke up after, in the grey place with the mist stuff, every thought was you, an' that's what I told the twins. That I don't regret any of my decisions in life. Even when I screwed it up, I did it doin' my best the best way I knew, but I couldn't be finished cos you an' I have got too much to do an' I love you too much to leave you because you need me jus' like I need you." The swirling of her eyes which had been almost frantic since she'd woken up, stilled. "That you've changed me an' I've changed you an' I knew, without a doubt, that it didn't end for us there. So it was time for me to go back."

Gesturing to her legs, then, she tried to explain what she thought she understood. "Cassion's blessin' means you need to eat more. You physically need it, not jus' want it, need it. An' you physically sleep less. It's changed you physically when your blood an' his mingled. An' then there's all the other stuff we both know I'm sayin'." Well, at least she wasn't going to blame it on him, it seemed. In truth, had she known that his opinion of her was so low that he thought she would then she would have been horrified. "An' we've jus' got to do whatever you need, Arlo, that's all." She turned dark eyes to him as she spoke. "Because I know, without a doubt, that when physical needs an' physical bodies 'ave gone right out of the window, all that's left for me is you, an' I don't doubt the same is true for you. I know that I'll argue with death to stay by your side an' I thought I was goin' back to .... well, I didn't know the flames would heal me. But I didn't care. I'm not pushin' you away, I don't think yer in denial and I know how much you love me, Arlo." She smiled sadly, her expression older than she was but then, one doesn't die and feel nothing. "I can't die without you, you dweeb. I sure as a fish flops can't live without you, an' I know the same's true right back. I want you to be with me, Arlo, all the time, an' I don't want any other women in this, but I'm jus' tryin' to be realistic an' make it easier." She lifted her head to look at him and, just for a moment she had a vaguely cynical, almost amused expression. "How am I doin'?"

[Arlo Creede]

"No, it wasn't what I meant," Arlo responded, just as resolute but less angry at least when Vega offered up an unneeded apology. He knew the source of the rush to judgment anyway, or at least he believed he did. Far too much, for now, was completely out of her control. She feared losing more, or being forced to give it up willingly. He maintained though that extra help wasn't the reason behind her suggestion that they take an in-law on board. Arlo knew why. So did she, even if neither had said it in so many words.

He hadn't been talking about right away, he told her when she worried about going up on deck and the risks that implied. "Later, when you're in less pain, when you've got some of your mobility back. I think we can rig something that will help you navigate the stairs better." When Vega told him she was sorry, Arlo shook his head. "There's no sense in saying sorry for what happened. It was out of your control and mine. It wasn't stupid. Neither of us could have predicted it."

She hadn't given him any reason to think ill of her feelings for him, Arlo assured her. "But you know, you can be a little...opinionated," he said, grinning slightly, "and giving others the impression you think you know what's best for them." He was teasing, even while he wasn't completely past being angry. But Vega and being opinionated. It was quite the understatement. He loved her all the more for it though, and told her so.

But then she got to the root of it, and shaking his head, Arlo frowned deeply. "Realistic? Making it better?" he said, staring at her incredulously. "Immortal's sake Vega. One bit you tell me I misunderstood what you think of me, the next you imply that I've got all the self control of an alley cat tom. But tell me it's not my doing and you'll make the sacrifice. Cassion, after all." For a long few trills he just stared at her, confounded and trying to decide if he'd heard all that right. Arlo concluded that he had. And yet, when it should have made him angrier, he took on a thoughtful expression, shook his head, laughed and snorted when she asked how she was doing.

"Lousy. You're doing lousy at it," he said bluntly as he came back to the edge of the bed, sat down and took her hand in his. "But I forgive you for it," he teased, leaning in to place a kiss on her forehead. "Because I know that you are restless, in pain and lots of other things." Frightened he meant but didn't say. Frightened she wouldn't be able to walk again. Frightened of losing things she didn't want to lose..."and those things make you contrary, disagreeable and unreasonable. And I love you all the more for it." She needed to focus on healing, Arlo told her. Not on worrying about him. He'd be there, right beside her all the while.

[Sephira]

Vega

Overview

Oh my gosh! Is this a lover's spat?! Ha I loved this thread, really enjoyed seeing the fallout from the Scalvoris seasonal event here. Poor Vega is feeling so frustrated with her situation that she lashed out at Arlo. An excellent thread. You really captured the confusion and frustration that can emerge between two people who are just trying to protect each other.

Points

XP: 15
This may not be used for magic

Fame

N/A

Loot

None

Knowledge

Discipline: Forcing yourself not to look at your mangled legs
Discipline Focus on the practical to avoid looking at your emotions
Discipline: Calming yourself down when furious
Endurance: Putting up with pain rather than making yourself drowsy
Endurance: Pain-related nausea

Non-Skill Knowledge[/tab][/tabmenu]

Arlo

Overview

Poor Arlo! He's trying so desperately to help Vega and shes's having none of it! After seeing her die he's starting to turn into a mother hen. I really enjoyed the constant back and forth between them. Arlo is such a gem. You're writing with him is so consistent and well thought out. Thanks for the great read.

Points

XP: 15
This may not be used for magic

Fame

N/A

Loot

None

Knowledge

Caregiving: How to not make someone more worried
Caregiving: Remain positive to help healing
Caregiving: Point out beneficial side effects
Detection: Hearing someone engaged in prayer
Discipline Focus on the practical to avoid looking at your emotions
Discipline: Keeping hold of your temper as much as possible.
Negotiation: State clearly when something is out of the question

Non-Skill Knowledge[/tab][/tabmenu]

Reviewed By

Sephira

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