Washing Up

[Faith Augustin]

18th Zi'da, 716
Evening

She had promised herself that she would keep this army marching on it's stomach and, thus far, Faith was pleased with the food and how it was being received. Hot, hearty meals were a must but she did her best to make sure that she was giving them food which was tasty, which released energy slowly and kept them energised throughout the trial and which wasn't just the same thing, trial in and trial out. She had prepared snacks before they left and she continued to utilise those, also, making sure that everyone had something to graze on through the trial. It kept up energy levels, but also morale she believed. Fundamentally, she took the job of being the chef for this campaign as a very serious service and duty and she attacked it how she did most everything; vigorously. It was her duty and every meal that the young woman cooked, planned or prepared was done in service to Famula, to the role that she had here and to ensuring that she did it, in Famula's name, the best that she could.

Warm water had caused the pads of her fingers to wrinkle as she put the last of the dishes away. Packing away after washing up meant that she just had to clean down and then she would be done for the night. She lifted her head as she saw that there was someone approaching. Faith felt herself tense for a moment, then recognised the figure as Lady Elyna. This last trial, since the altercation the trial before in fact, Faith had been quiet to the point of pensive. It wasn't a massive change or even much of one at all for those who didn't know her, but to those who did and who noticed such, she was subdued.

No matter, though, she had a smile on her face when she saw Lady Elyna. "Captain. Are you hungry? I can fix something if you'd like?" It would be a pleasure to do so, certainly and her silver eyes regarded her friend. Just a spark of mirth, though "If you were hoping to do the washing up, though, I'm afraid you missed the excitement." It was funny, she considered, she had twice the number of volunteer helpers for the preparation of food (which inevitably involved some eating and tasting) compared to the cooking. By the time it got to the washing up, it was usually a one woman show.

[Elyna]

The Captain had sought out her friend. She couldn’t exactly seek out Malcolm, or people might start to talk. The woman though, she needed to talk. Felt the burn of it at the back of her throat like she never had. Faith was a true companion, selfless and without judgement. Holding things back from her, felt akin to lying and Elyna was nothing if not true speaking and forthright…with everyone it seemed except for Mal.

It wasn’t hard to track Faith down. Whispers had started spreading throughout the camp of the best trail food anyone had ever experienced. It wasn’t a hard bar to beat, but Elyna couldn’t help but feel proud of her friend. The chef was, as expected, amongst the pots and pans of the cook-tent. Stepping through the unlaced door Elyna was surprised to see the tension as it ceased her. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who needed to talk.

The smile seemed tight around her eyes and mouth, but Faith’s expression was returned with a rueful smile in turn. Her gaze roved over the empty bowls, neatly stacked with suds slipping down the sides. “I’m fine,” she nodded, “but thank you. I tend not to eat a big meal in the evenings really. Not at the moment.” The captain was spending most of her time in the air and had a tendency to snack on everything she’d taken into the sky with her.

“I have to say, I’m not sorry to have missed the excitement of washing up,” she peered at the otherwise empty tent and frowned, “but you shouldn’t be doing all the clean down yourself. I’ll assign some help for you, they’re eating the food, they need to contribute,” Elyna made her own stance on shirking duty clear.

With her hands safely behind her back, so she couldn’t touch or break anything by accident, the skyrider took a slow tour of the tent. “I wanted to see how you were,” she admitted eventually, “it’s never nice to be…grabbed like that. Made to feel powerless in your own skin,” she rested work-rough palms on the back of a chair and lent forward, peering at the seat, “it’s quite frightening really, when you don’t expect it. Comes out of a clear blue sky like lightning.” The young woman looked up at her friend.

[Faith Augustin]

Lady Elyna looked tense, Faith thought and she put down the rag she was using to finish the clean up. "I'll pack you up some more lunch for tomorrow, then. You need your energy." That was the simple answer when the evening meal conversation occurred and Faith looked at her with a sincere gaze, "I knew that from when Ma.. Tristan loaned me to you. I should have remembered and considered. My apologies." It wasn't a lot to recall and she should have, she considered. She recalled her time with the new parents very fondly and she had been very much at home. But Lady Elyna hadn't come for food, it seemed, although she was disturbed that it was only her there cleaning down. Faith smiled a genuine smile when she spoke of assigning help. "No one does it right, so I end up chasing them away and doing it myself. It is a logistical feat and I have no time for slapdash. I believe I might be a control maniac, or at the very least quickly becoming one." There was no doubting the truth of that for her and so she added, most seriously, "So, any help assigned will either need to be prepared to reach perfection in cleaning down, have the patience of a saint or stay the hell out of my kitchen." As she so often did, she seemed very serious indeed, but her eyes showed the mirth of her mood at what she said.

Ah, but how was she. Faith looked at Lady Elyna and she smiled a grateful smile, "I am so irritated at myself, Lady Elyna. I have the skills to fight him. I could have fought him. I could have stopped him, or at the very least made him regret the trial he thought he could bruise me. But I didn't. I stood and accepted it. Allowed it." She shook her head, angry at herself for doing it. "I thought Padraig was going to kill him. He'd have gotten into all sorts of trouble and had that on his conscience for the rest of his life because I reverted to slave. But thank you, I'm fine. Just a touch irritated at myself for being weak." The actual actions which Sintih took were of not the slightest consequence to the young woman. Larger, stronger and more cruel than him had visited planned and casual violence upon her in a hundred ways more inventive. No. What bothered her was her reaction.

"I'm sorry you had to get involved, too. I really am. If I put the last individual strawberry sponge in your lunch, it will be because of that." She smiled at her friend and looked at her again. There seemed to be a question on Lady Elyna's mind which Faith had not yet heard. That was fine, the young woman was patient and Lady Elyna would speak when she was ready to. Such was the nature of their relationship, after all.

[Elyna]

The skyrider was a solider and therefore food was important. She smiled at the offer of a decent lunch and accepted with a quick nod. She could feel herself ready with anticipation of her meal the next day, and the smile spread wider. Until it faltered, “I’m afraid Faith, that it is I that owes you an apology,” she admitted. “If you won’t accept help here, then I’ll have to find another way,” the skyrider studied the damp toes of her boots before forcing herself to look up and meet the young woman’s’ gaze.

“I should have made more certain at the time, that you were comfortable with Squire Rathaan’s presence. You of all people know his true heritage, and his actions were against your person. I’m sorry that I’ve not bene before, and I apologise for not taking better steps to assist you. Are you well? Are you able to manage with his presence in camp?” It was a sincere question, and one the skyrider had deliberated over. She would take the consequences of the answer, not matter what it was.

Faith seemed to spark light like dry timber and Elyna adjusted her stance, shifting to her other foot. Her gaze levelled on her friend, she listened. “Faith…you’ve been through so much,” she said eventually, weighing her words and her thoughts, “are you sure that you acted like a slave, and not…simply like a young woman who was afraid?” She asked with all the earnest care that she could muster. “When you’re in a battle, there’s adrenaline. When you’re being chased you can run, but when something just switches in someone and you didn’t expect it or believe it…there’s no adrenaline. Not a first,” she approached with a careful step.

“I can teach you how to think through those first moments. If you’d like me to?”

[Faith Augustin]

"You acted in the way that you considered to be best with the time and information you had, Lady Elyna. No one can ask more of anyone." She knew that she wasn't answering the question, and whilst that might have worked on Tristan, Elyna Burhan was quite a different kind of noble. Faith put down all pretence of cleaning and she looked at Elyna with a calm and level gaze, "I'm afraid in crowds. I always have been, since I was first allowed out. It's better than it used to be, but I met my first free person less than an arc ago. I believe you know him." Malcolm, of course, was that person. Lady Elyna knew the story, there was no point to repeating it. "So much in such a short time, sometimes I think it's all a dream and I'll wake up on the floor in Jamal's again, having had a wonderful dream of freedom. No one ever owned those." She clasped her hands together in front of herself, closing her fingers around each other as she considered how to word what she knew she had to say. She was naturally an honest person, and she would not consider lying to Lady Elyna. "Padraig is outside, freezing and pretending not to, making bolts. But that's not really what he's doing. He is in earshot of a shout and he's watching who comes and goes in here with me. He was in here until I threw out the last of the help, then he said he'd let me have some space. Plus, he was making a mess." She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. They told the truth of the next words, "I'm worried about him. He hasn't slept since it happened. He pretends, but he hasn't. He sees all the scars, Lady Elyna, outside and in, and he just wants to protect me, wants to make sure no one hurts me again. He feels like he failed because Sintih did that, and I can't tell him I'm not afraid. Because I am."

As she spoke, her gaze had lowered to the floor, but she looked back up and looked Elyna in the eyes with a genuine smile on her face. "Do I wish you hadn't given Sintih that option? Yes, I do wish that. But you did and I would never ask you to go back on your word. So I can, and I will manage the consequences of it for both Padraig and myself and it will be fine."

But as to her reaction and the root cause of it? Lady Elyna asked her about that and whether she acted like a slave or like an individual who was afraid and Faith considered it with care. "I'm not sure which it is. It is the first time something like that has happened since I was freed. I got a split lip from stopping a man attacking a woman, but that was like you said. I saw it and I had to stop it, it was immediate adrenaline."

Would she have acted that way if she'd never been a slave? Was it just a young woman and fear? Faith really didn't know and considered that she probably never would. But when Lady Elyna offered to help her think through those first moments, Faith beamed in genuine pleasure at the thoughtfulness of that. "Lady Elyna, I would be very grateful. If you had the time, that is. I don't want to be a bother but I would like that very much." It would be very useful and it might just avoid a situation happening like the one which had just occurred.

[Elyna]

Faith spoke as though she was a business woman or a judge and Elyna felt her own skin itching. Wishing she could be suddenly elsewhere. Before her friend finalised her judgement, the skyrider had already wanted to ground to swallow up and eat her. The punishment she’d bestowed on Squire Rathaan had seemed to be fair. From her perspective of what she had seen and heard, the man had taken hold of Faith’s shoulders and raised his voice. She’d felt that the reactions of those surrounding the incident had been exaggerated and yet…her choice had given her no sense of ease. Condemned by her determination to be fair, above any ties of friendships. Faith felt unsafe and the woman wanted to sink into the mud. She did not want the former slave to feel this way. “You’re not dreaming Faith, and I’m sorry that…I’ve helped pull reality into a nightmare for you; and Padraig,” she let a slow sigh.

Not only was the noble an expert and ruining her own relationship, she’d single-handedly hammered cracks of tension into something pure. Would it be better for Faith if she simply kept her distance? After all, she, Elyna Burhan was a tarnish to all that she touched. The young woman held her tongue between her teeth. “Time,” she said finally, “they say that time solves all things but I’ve always preferred a choice to smack sense into my problems as well.”

Elyna swallowed the lump in her throat, “it seems I have a wrong to correct with you. So Faith, please grab my shoulders,” a faint smile edged her lips “I have time now, and there is enough space here for you to learn a few small tricks. So,” she tapped her shoulder with a hand, “grab my shoulders.”

[Faith Augustin]

"Oh, no, Lady Elyna, please don't." Seeing the look on Lady Elyna's face, Faith's features showed her emotions as plainly as if she had written them down. Regret, guilt and distress at what her words had done were written there and she moved over to stand next to Elyna, looking straight into her eyes. "Please, please don't be upset or take it personally. It isn't you. You did what you thought was best, you did. I'm sorry." She took ahold of Lady Elyna's hand and squeezed. "I do this. When Padraig told me he loved me, the first time, I told him the dishes needed doing but we could leave it until the morning. I'm just.. it's all so new, Lady Elyna, expressing what I think and feel. I don't think I'm very good at it and I tend to over explain or say the wrong thing, but you have nothing to apologise for. Nothing at all. Please, don't ever apologise to me." She chewed her lip, trying to explain, to make it make sense.

"It's just..." She tried to explain what she was saying, albeit badly. "Padraig sees the bruises Sintih left on my shoulders and to him, they're huge. To me, they're just not important. But he's seen the scars on my back and he promised himself that no one would put a hand on me again. Then, to his mind, he failed to live up to that. So Padraig's worried for me and I'm worried for him. And Malcolm." That she was worried for the Warden was something of a gross understatement. "Sintih has such hate for him, Lady Elyna. When I told Sintih that Malcolm is the best of men, he would have killed me, I swear it. And then I'm worried for you, because he's your responsibility now and if he tries to hurt either of you I'll tear him inside out." She gave a soft smile, as a memory came to her. "I'll frypan him, I will. But I'm sorry, I truly am. I don't mean to upset you, or anyone. Especially not you, of all people. You made the choice to give someone a chance and I respect and admire that more than I can tell you. I'm just afraid for my people is all."

Faith looked at Lady Elyna and hoped that the woman understood that Faith's intentions were good, even if her delivery was frankly shoddy. It was all indeed new to her and she knew that she was learning, just not as quickly as she would like. But she lifted her hands, as Lady Elyna said to do and gently lay them on the Lady's shoulders. As she lifted her hands, her sleeves fell down her arms and revealed the intricate tattoo. As soon as they were done with this, Faith thought, she had to tell Lady Elyna about this. She closed her hands, careful to not squeeze or hurt, just enough for Lady Elyna to feel that she was there. "Like this?"

It was nice, Faith considered, to be able to do this with someone more or less the same height. It made quite a change too.

[Elyna]

Though her heart didn’t feel any lighter in her chest, it was hard not to laugh when Faith explained her reaction to Padraigs profession of love. “Oh you didn’t?” She scolded, “poor Padraig,” the smile twisted the corners of her mouth before vanishing as quickly as it had arrived. Small bubbles rose up from the sink and the soap suds and popped, “I will apologise when I feel I have erred. I the judgement I made, I feel that on your part. I have erred,” though she was not convinced that when it came to Sinith, the chance she had given him was a mistake. Until Faith continued her explanation.

The skyrider felt her heart drop through her stomach and out through her boots. “We try and protect the people with love Faith…but most we can only really protect ourselves,” it felt like a sad fact to repeat. Yet, wasn’t it true? Elsie and Malcolm were alive, but Elyna felt that the credit wasn’t on her shoulders. She’d failed them both, time and time again. Faith’s concern for Malcolm caused some of the blood to drain from the skyrider’s features. She pulled in her bottom lip, chewing it in an echo of Faith’s actions.

Why would he hate Malcolm? Did he know Malcolm from another campaign? Surely Malcolm would have said…something, anything? Yet they didn’t communicate well. If there was pertinent information, it was not beyond the realm of possibility, that she wouldn’t have been informed. It wouldn’t be the first time. She sighed, “leave Malcolm to me,” she offered, “I’ll warn him…or you can warn him,” she lifted her arms in defeat. Until finally Faith rested her hands on her shoulders.

“Grip harder,” she bid and nodded encouragement. It was then that she lifted up her own arms. With the left, she bent her arm at the elbow and circled the hand quickly so that it came from up and under Faith’s grip and push it off. With the right, she moved her hand over Faith’s arm and scooped rotated the swing in the opposite direction, forcing the woman to lose her grip on both shoulders.

“We’re essentially…a bit stupid at heart,” she explained, “if someone can think about trying to press one arm down to block the disarm, they can’t think to press the other up to counter the other. So this way, you get to confuse their brain and the hands just…fall away. Your turn.”

She rested her hands on Faith’s shoulders. Firm, but gentle enough not to mark. “Now, first step. You know this one,” she met the woman’s gaze, “breathe. I’ve grabbed you. Now ignore me, and take a breath. Then circle your arms.”

[Faith Augustin]

"I did", she confirmed of her response to Padraig. "I knew what I felt, but I didn't know how to say it. Expressing emotions was not permitted. I revert to factual, I think. I'm learning, Lady Elyna, and I'll get better." That was a promise to her friend, as much as it was to Padraig and meant as fully. So, when Elyna apologised, Faith lookd at her and nodded. Then, she lifted her hand to her head and untied her hair. The former slave held out the small red ribbon which had kept her braid in place, offering it to Elyna. "I understand and I accept it unreservedly. This is for you, it's a promise that I never think you need to say those words and I always accept them. From you, always." She had never been able to make such promises before, because she had not been free to act how she wished, so she pressed the small ribbon into the lady's hand and trusted that Elyna would understand her thoughts and feelings, even though Faith knew that she had dealt with it in a way which was far from ideal.

But on the topic of the Warden, Faith looked at Elyna with a little surprise in her expression. She assumed, after all, that the skyrider knew everything that went on. That was probably naive, she considered and nodded. "He sent a messanger to get Padraig and I this morning, we were called to his tent. He wanted to talk to Padraig, really." But to get the bull one had to call the cow, he had said and Faith smiled at the memory. "He asked me about what happened and I told him. I didn't mention what I told you about his race, but I remembered whilst I was there that Sintih is certainly a student of magic. When I asked him if he practiced, too, he avoided the question." She shrugged slightly. "I don't know if it's important. And I hope I'm over reacting, I really do."

When they got into position, though, Faith let out a small noise of delight as the noble woman showed her such a simple and yet effective move. "That's very clever, Lady Elyna, it confused my brain and my hands." She smiled and nodded as Lady Elyna first warned her and then put her hands on her shoulders. It unnerved her, there was no doubting it and Faith felt a knot of anxiety at the base of her chest, like a weight resting atop her stomach as her expression told of the fear that movement held for her. She knew why, of course, that particular move was so emotion-provoking. For a trill, she didn't think she was going to be able to do anything and then, that familiar voice told her, oh so calmly, to breathe. She could do that, she knew she could, and it was Lady Elyna. So Faith breathed and listened to the woman's next words.

She could do it. Lady Elyna believed she could and maybe, Faith considered, Lady Elyna needed her to be able to as well. Because if she'd been able to do this, then the upset and concern for Lady Elyna, for Padraig, for Malcolm and herself would not have happened. So, she circled her arms, one under, one over and she looked Lady Elyna in the eyes and moved, the way the noble had done earlier, breaking the grip on her. When she did it, when she achieved it, Faith's face lit in absolute delight and she bounced on her toes.

[Elyna]

“Faith,” Elyna lifted a single brow, “you are perfect, just as you are. You don’t need to improve, or get better…just be. We all change with the world and what it throws at us; but don’t for a trill think you’re nothing less than perfect, as you are, on any given trial. The ribbon however was accepted with a solemn smile and wrapped in the woman’s own ponytail, a sheepish smile creasing the corners of her eyes, “I may never need to think it, but I promise I will always apologise if I need to.”

Arched brows rose again at Malcolm’s message and comments. Envious of anyone sharing his attention, the woman simply nodded. Malcolm the Warden was not her lover; far from it. She missed being beside his side, as she missed a thousand other things about him. “I will tell Malcolm Sinith’s race,” Elyna assured her friend with a nod, “it’s not a secret that I should keep from him,” and she had once made a vow to the Warden, to always answer with the truth. Even if that truth was often painful. Magic was another surprise, and unlike the man’s race, served to make the skyrider feel uneasy. Forced to question the validity of her decision.

“That’s the point,” the crooked grin returned, “like I said, we’re easily confused…” She watched the struggle on Faith’s features as she battled her demons. Such a simple action, but being confronted with an unpleasant memory was difficult. The woman let out a slow breath herself, what would happen if she ran into Marcus, or Yoreth…or Marcus? Fear of the encounter was enough to make her feel like a stone in a field. Solid, unyielding, unable to feel. What if it was worse? Her fingers tightened on Faith’s shoulders and she was proud as the woman managed to disarm her.
“Well done,” she encouraged with a nod, “now, again.” She laid her hands on Faith once more, and held tighter. If Faith performed the action again, Elyna would congratulate her and demand another practise.

“Try this with Padraig,” she said eventually, “practise twenty times at night, and twenty in the morning, and it won’t ever happen to you again. I promise....now. Take hold of my wrist," she offered her right hand out.