Blood and Friends [Nonlucid]

[Hinata]

!	Message from: Peg
	Post removed. Review is appropriate for PB claimed

[Pegasus]

Intervention

Hi Hinata

I think you've misunderstood Dreaming on Idalos - and as such this thread will need some amendment from you. There are two issues here, really.

1. That while you, the player, are aware of things like "dreamscapes" etc - the pc isn't and - as such - it's best to keep them out of non-lucid dreams - and even lucid ones until you've learned about them IC.
2. Dreamscapes don't "create constructs" for your pc. This is a normal, non-lucid, kind you have every day dream. It should be no more than that.

So, I'm going to ask you to edit this post / thread. Take out all the bits which make it seem lucid - consider the viewpoint of it just being a dream. Hinata isn't aware it's a dream, there's no grand plan of the dreamscape for her - and going back to sleep, or a dream ending means that the dream has ended. You won't be repeating it or following on from it If you want to tell a story about Daren in Hinata's dream, that's one story and will need to be one thread. Just like normal, usual, simple dreams - you dream, it makes sense while you're in it - it ends.

Personally, I would advise considering writing from the point of view of the PC, not the mechanic. You don't need to explain what the dreamscape is doing etc - you just need to write Hinata's dream IC.

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to PM me.

Once you've edited this - then put it back up for review, please. You might want to also have a look at other dreams you've done and, if the same thing applies, follow the same process.

Thanks so much!

Pegs.

[Doran]

Hinata:

Knowledge: -
Loot: -
Lost: -
Wealth: -
Injuries: -
Renown: -
Magic XP: -
Skill Review: Non-lucid dream.
Points: 10

- - -

Comments: Thank you for making the edits that Pegasus asked for. I really appreciate that. The thread looks much better now!

I thought that your mentioning that Daren wore the same getup he did in real life, with a few changes, was a bit weird since Hinata has a non-lucid dream.

That’s a minor issue though.

With that being said, I found this thread pretty interesting. I was curious about how Daren had gotten hurt.

It’s good that Hinata decided to approach the situation with caution in my opinion.

It wasn’t clear to me how Daren had violated everything that he had ever believed in. In my opinion, his outburst made it sound as if he didn’t have much of a choice as those people drew their swords on him. You described Daren’s despair well in my opinion though!

I especially liked the part where he apologized to his mama …

I’m also glad that he decided to listen to Hinata.

Enjoy your rewards!