"What are we supposed to do?" Quio asked, because he was at a loss. He had saved Derek Smith, he had saved him! And now this. Derek was supposed to live. Despite his injuries, he was supposed to push through, he was supposed to have a life! What was the point of it all? To be a slave and fight and get hurt and live, and be freed and die? Why had this happened?
"I could have taken him to the doctor," Quio said. "But I saved myself. I could have, I could have saved him, but I didn't. I didn't. What if I got caught?" It didn't make any sense. He was Yludih, he could have changed his face and hidden himself in an instant, what had he been afraid of?
"I saved myself and cost the boy his life," he said. "But I didn't want to show Vernon and Derek what I really was." Currently, he was still in the guise he had stolen, that of Earnest Freeman. He hadn't changed back.
"Of course you couldn't show them what you are," Yanaqi said from across the little room, and now she strode back to him and grabbed him by the bicep, forcing Quio to turn towards her. Her fingers dug into his arm. "Of course you saved yourself! If you had been caught you would have been killed. You know what they do to Yludih--"
"I should have stayed. I would have been okay--"
"You would have died! They would have found you. You showed that man your true face, didn't you? That man whose identity you stole." Yanaqi clenched her fingernails further into his arm when he didn't answer and shook him. "Didn't you?"
"Yes," he muttered, not looking at her.
"That means that man knew your alias. If he knew that, the knights would have found you. Even if you hid they would have found where you lived, that inn, and they would have found your stupid boyfriend, and they would have used him to get to you! Don't you see, that's what they do. They cannot be trusted."
"Hart?" Quio asked, and for a moment the boat rocked so fiercely, even on such a calm day, that he nearly slipped sideways and fell. Yanaqi's hand was there to hold him up.
"Yes, your boyfriend couldn't be trusted either. He would have ratted you out--"
"No, Hart!" Quio said. "You-- you just said that they would find Hart, that they would use him to get to me! Didn't you?"
Now it was Yanaqi's turn to be taken aback. Quio grabbed her wrist. "Didn't you?"
But Yanaqi wouldn't answer. She ripped her arm from his grasp.
"If they find Hart they could hurt him, couldn't they?"
"You don't know that," Yanaqi said.
"They could. If they ask him where I am and he says he doesn't know they might think he's lying. If he's lying, they will hurt him. You said it yourself. 'It's what they do.'"
"They won't hurt him."
"You don't know that! He's not a citizen of Rynmere. The kingdom didn't give a fuck about Vernon or Derek Smith, and they were supposed to be protected, they were citizens of Warrick! Hart's an outsider. They would hurt him. They would." Quio was furious with himself, furious and terrified. He turned, yanking from Yanaqi's grip, and burst free from the bridge. Heading towards the sails.
"What are you doing?" Yanaqi demanded, running after him, trying to grab him again.
"Get off me! I've got to go back! I've got to find him and bring him with or-- or--"
"You cannot go anywhere near that place, not again!" Yanaqi screeched. Her hands had wound their way into his shirt like claws, snagging so he couldn't break away. They struggled on the deck, Yanaqi seeking to stop him, Quio only trying to get free.
"I have to."
"No! There is nobody there to go back to, alright? He's not there anymore." But Quio was still struggling. "Didn't you hear me?" Yanaqi shook him hard enough to rattle his teeth.
"No! Yanaqi stop! I've got to--"
"I said there's nobody there! He's gone, okay? I killed him!"
Quio fumbled at that. He thought he must not have heard her correctly. He still tried to break free. "What?" he asked.
"I killed your stupid boyfriend."
"No." Now he had stopped.
Yanaqi made sure he wasn't going to do anything and then she let him go. "Didn't you think it odd that he was gone? Just gone for so long, and you didn't know where he was? How long was it? Was it weeks?"
"No," Quio said, "No, I thought--"
"You thought he was off playing his games and sleeping with his whores and fucking around. And he was. But I put an end to it."
"No," Quio said. "Why?"
"Because you gave him everything and you gave me nothing. You wouldn't even listen to me, not once, not after everything I did for you, and for him you would cut out your own heart."
"No," Quio said again, but this time very weak.
"--He was ruining everything and he didn't even care about you. He just slept around and stole your money and used it for his gambling and sin--"
"No."
"Yes. He didn't care. He hated you when you lost his stupid ship and you still loved him. He hated that you left with U'frek and went and fought and almost died and you still loved him, why did you love him?
"He made you feel ashamed, he made you hate who and what you are. Don't lie to me--" because Quio was about to protest again, "I know. He didn't even see that you were hurting. When you needed him most he left you alone. He kept going away, going away, when you gave everything, your whole family, your whole race, for him!"
Quio had never seen Yanaqi cry. Not even as children.
"You were a traitor for him!" she screamed, the tears streaming down her face. "My little brother was taken away from me and you went and found a new family and lived with him! You were gone and our father could not stand it, so he took everything good in my life and ripped it apart and all because of him! I had to be the Eloquoi because you couldn't be there, because of him! I had to hurt, I had to bow my head, I had to live with our father's constant disappointment and resentment, with the weight of our family's failures, and I became what I am because of him!"
"And still I found you.
"I found you, and I hated you and I loved you despite it all. But even when we could have gone back to the way things were you denied me and you chose him." She wiped her tears angrily away with the back of her arm. "Him. After those people killed your mother and you learned that nobody but our kind should ever, ever be trusted. Still you trusted him."
Quio had shrunk down to the ship's deck and he knelt there. It was too much, too much all at once. Hart was dead? Yanaqi? Yanaqi had killed him? His father had done what-- what to Yanaqi? Because Quio had not been there?
Hart was dead because Quio had not been there. Hart was dead because Quio had not been the son, the heir he was supposed to be.
He couldn't make sense of it.
Finally he stood to his feet and felt the boat shifting underneath him, like the weight of the world had suddenly gone out leaving him floating alone. Yanaqi stared at him with eyes bright and wide, and Quio stared at her as if he had never seen her before.
Then he shambled towards the anchor and started drawing it up.
"What are you doing?" Yanaqi asked from behind him.
"Drawing the anchor," he mumbled.
"You can't go back," she told him again.
"I know."
"Well--" she faltered. She fell silent. When he turned to look at her she was looking away from him.
"I'll be in my cabin," she told him, and without speaking he went back to working the ship.
When everything was set he called Yanaqi to him again, and together they got the boat moving once more on its course towards Warrick.
To Quio, the black of the sails, once a point of contention between himself and Hart, now signified nothing but death.