15th Saun, 716
It had been ten trials since the brand, and during that time it had completely taken over her dreams. She dreamt of pain in her shoulder, of burning her shoulder, of all the things that could, did and should hurt her. The silver-eyed waif had slept fitfully and, whether she was on the mattress on the floor in her room or sharing Master's bed, her sleep was shallow and troubled. But always, in each dream that she had experienced (if she was honest? Each dream both before and) after the branding, he had been there. Sometimes in the background, sometimes just sitting and holding her whilst they talked. Always, he had been the quiet place where she went to escape the reality of her life. The one that she did not admit to - the one that she, in fact, denied completely. Because more than anything else, on a subconscious level that she could not fully comprehend, and knew she must never acknowledge, Faith knew that it *hurt*. Both before, and after, he had paid someone else with no face to brand her.
And it hurt more than the others had. It confused her more than the others had. And so, sitting here on the floor of the classroom - of Malcolm's classroom, with her knitting in her hands, there were two of her. One, dressed in the fine clothes that Tristan had bought her,
the other in the ill fitting rags Jamal had made her wear
Both of them her, but one of them aware of her feelings for the man whose room she was in.
the other one aware of the illusion the first one was harbouring.
That illusion that somehow, in this new place, she was better off?
Foolishness
Young. Childish
Foolishness.
It had no place here.
Not where he might be.
Here, she must be a woman.
That illusion that somehow, in this new place, she was better off?
Foolishness
Young. Childish
Foolishness.
It had no place here.
Not where he might be.
Here, she must be a woman.
That she was treated in a different way, that Master was kinder to her than any other had been. He had bought her clothes (to parade her, that niggling doubt said) and he had sent her to the House of Roses for training (to please him, it replied). But he let her eat at the table, let her sleep on a mattress. He treated her like a person. And surely, she told herself, a worthless person was better than no person at all? He had told her that she was a treasure
"If I am his treasure, why did he hurt me?"
she spoke the words without realising it,
but they resonated around the room
she spoke the words without realising it,
but they resonated around the room
But there, in Malcolm's classroom in the university, the girl in the rags faded away, pushed away and denied by the girl in the good yellow dress. It was beautiful, that dress. She wore a slave's chain around her neck and her shoulder was on fire. Just the shoulder, and it was alright now, she knew. But sitting there, knitting, she looked up and she saw that there was a woman here.
Oh, she was beautiful.
Who was she?
"Malcolm isn't here right now" she said, sitting cross legged on the floor and knitting. Her silver eyes were troubled, concerned. Worried for him "I haven't seen him for a long time and... " she motioned to her shoulder, which really shouldn't have flames licking up it, but did "I wanted to tell him that I was thinking of him when it happened. He helped me, you see and now I can't find him. Do you know where he is? I'm making him a jumper, you see" she held up the knitting and it was, indeed, a jumper. It hadn't been a moment ago but it was now.
"I think I love him, you see.
But I only ever met him once.
He taught me, though...
... he taught me that I'm free.
Free to learn"
It was her voice, but she didn't know where it came from.
So, she looked at the woman and she smiled.
But I only ever met him once.
He taught me, though...
... he taught me that I'm free.
Free to learn"
It was her voice, but she didn't know where it came from.
So, she looked at the woman and she smiled.