Cylus 30th, 718
It wasn’t long now. The bite in the air was already starting to become relaxed. With dawn would come spring. Ashan. The first of spring would herald the coming of one of the half-breeds least and most favorite seasons. As a child she’d loved the season because of her brithtrail. And, that was the exact same reason she’d come to hate it as an adult. Because she was a demon, a monster who deserved to be hated. One who had to earn back the right to be loved for the sin of being born. She almost laughed aloud. What a load of bull she’d been convinced into thinking. Honestly, she’d been more spot on as a child. She deserved to be born and the 100th of Ashan was something that deserved celebrated. She sometimes wondered if she’d insulted Ashan with her actions, the immortal she meant. For a time she’d scorned her birth season out of spite towards herself. Perhaps that was why she’d become so terribly broken over the last couple arcs. The immortal was showing her spite for her disgrace! Of course, it could have also been the fact her best friends all seem to get murdered…
Thinking back it was kind of silly to believe the jerks who were so intent on convincing her that she was a monster. She wasn't. She was regal and powerful and had a strong nature. She'd learned to be kind after realizing that the rest of the world wouldn't be, and that was a lot more than most she met could say. But in a way she'd allowed herself to get lost so to speak. She'd completely bought into the venomous and toxic words of those around her and it had done a number on her physical and mental health. She'd gone as far as to completely hate herself and wish for death every time the season of her birth came rolling around. She became bitter and completely hid herself away inside of her home. Now though, sitting there quietly and pondering why she'd hated the season, she realized she didn't feel anywhere near the same way anymore.
If anything, she welcomed the coming of spring. The warmer season was a time for rebirth and renewal, that much was obvious for the simple fact it made up a large portion of the 'Rebirth Cylus'. But in addition to that, the half-breed found herself to be moving forward in more ways than she had in arcs prior. She wasn't as prideful as most Avriel, but she'd recovered some semblance of the pride she'd lost the first couple arcs she spent living in Etzos, basically getting spit on and yelled at by the locals for the oh so terrible crime of existing as anything that wasn't' straight up human. And it wasn't like she had anyone to rely on considering the fact she was a half-breed, both sides of her family hated her. She wasn't even sure where they were anymore. But it had slowly ceased to matter to the half-breed. She didn't need to be dragged down by boisterous fools who would try to fight a wall if she painted it with the mark of an immortal. A mark wall... ha!
Rolling her eyes she thought about how so many people still looked down on her. It had gotten exponentially better for her of course! But it seemed as though certain people in the city hated her even more now for various reasons. She was a half-avriel making a name for herself, one that bore the marks of an immortal thanks to the various happenings during the battle at the tomb. That was enough for some people to call for her death. It was enough for others to decide to defend her until their own. Truly, Etzos was a mixed bag of extremism and somethings it was so incredibly hard for the half-breed to handle it all. It could quickly become overwhelming when two people standing next to each other gave you polar opposite expressions just because you existed and they thought you did certain things. Not even know, just kind of though.
"What's it all matter?" She questioned allowed as she fluffed her wings slightly, her thoughts wandering over and over to the same pounding beat. Sitting there at the dawn of Ashan she'd realized something. Maybe it was time to take a few lessons from spring. The plant did not care for much other than the weather which bid them grow or shrink. And even then there were always those resistant enough to not even care about that. The plants didn't care for the people or the animals around them, they simply grew quietly and flourished. Perhaps it was time to start being more like a plant. The half-breed had held opinions on a golden pedestal as a child, and while she still did cling to them from time to time, she'd slowly been making effort not to care as much anymore. She didn't let the opinions of others block her from her justice any longer. But a scathing enough sentence still stung at her and made her flinch away.
She hummed quietly, basking in the firelight of her cave home, her eyes glazing over slightly as she stretched out and enjoyed the warmth. Yeah. It was going to take some major effort on her part but maybe it was time to completely stop caring as long as she was enacting justice. She thought for a moment she might slowly start to become more like Noth if she did that, but she reminded herself that wasn't her kind of justice. Her kind of justice was the one where the fewest people got hurt and died. She'd make a good effort, a hard push next season to win herself a position where she could start manipulating the pieces on the board. Not for malicious gain, but so that she could possibly put up a couple more protections for the citizens. There was always the question of trying to help out with shelters or funding schools or feeding orphans. Of course, spending city funds wouldn't be looked upon kindly so she'd need to think about how she could fund such projects. As if she could actually get city funds anyway.
Perhaps it was always time to start acting a bit more like spring when it came to her disposition. The woman had become notably more chaotic, stressed, and unhappy over the last arc. At least noticeably so to anyone she spent time with on the regular, so mostly just coworkers. But the springtime? It was warm and beautiful and graceful. Even in its most dark with terrible showers and rainstorms, there was still beauty to the way the sky poured out liquid life to give the new flowers a better chance to grow. Even the rain was necessary and for a woman who hated water with just about every fiber of her being she had to admit its beauty during spring. Of course, this would also be a harder task. She, in essence, wanted to reprogram her responses to everyday actions that might have before upset her in some way. Which meant she'd want to find a way to decrease her stress which meant she might want to start looking into meditation.
She truly wished that she could meet with the Immortal of Spring. When she was at her lowest Ethlynda had been there in order to give her a shove in the right direction, the same could be said of her short interaction with Qylios even if she'd never thought of the Immortal before as much as once in her entire life. They have both shoved her in the right direction, given her an idea of where to go. She had a feeling if she wanted the attention of the Springtime Immortal she'd have to do a little more to catch it though than simply need his help. As much as she wished she'd get lucky a third time, few Immortals were quite as kind or protective as her Lady or her Light.
This was going to be an uphill battle she knew it, going in completely blind and having ridiculously high expectations as to what she could accomplish within a single season. So wise was she, so smart was she. Perhaps she was biting off more than she could chew. The half-breed at least had her lucky stars to thank for how stubborn she was. When she decided on something she wasn't necessarily the kind to let go without one doozy of a fight. She was never the kind to back down, it was how her father raises her. If she actually tried to accomplish this new little goal of hers there was no way she'd be letting go of it any time soon. She took the phrase death before dishonor very seriously and while a retreat was sometime the only thing to do, a defeat was dishonorable in every facet of the word! Especially when it was a fight against an enemy she knew she could best. And right now, her enemy was her own self, making the fight all the more interesting.
If in the end, it helped her get a little closer to saving other people, to free them from their sorrows and their problems, then it was worth the effort to try and act like Spring.
