Seven words to change the world

[Faith Augustin]

93rd Zi'da, 716
Following this conversation

"It looks like we'll be parents then"

They were just seven words, yet their repercussions were, and would continue to be enormous. They were both reeling, still, and it was the next day. Kura had been and they'd had a discussion with her, following which (and before it, in fact) Faith had fallen asleep. She was beyond exhausted, her feet and legs swollen and the dark circles under her eyes indicative of the fact that she had pushed herself during the twenty trials since Aelig had shown up and told her she was pregnant and when, yesterday, a visit from Vri had revealed the pregnancy, it had also revealed the strain she had put her body under. For the first time since Aelig's initial visit, last night she had slept soundly, falling fast asleep and staying that way all night and past the point that he'd risen by a couple of breaks and this morning she looked better. Not great but better and her expression told of a whole world of difference.

"Did you sleep at all?" Faith asked him, once they'd got back from breakfast, just stepping into their room together as she put down her key. She thought by this point he probably looked worse then her. The look of panic on his face had not abated in the slightest and, in fairness, she was aware of a certain wild-eyed look in her own expression. She was about to say something else, but instead clutched at her stomach and let out a sound of surprise. Not pain exactly but an exclamation of shock, surprise and a little bit of fear all rolled up in one. Instinctively, one hand went to her swollen belly and the other reached out for him. "Padraig! Oh, I think this is kicking...ohhh, that's... " She took his hand and placed it where the kicking was. In fairness, she didn't need to because it was visible under her blouse. Faith was very thin, only just beyond scrawny at the best of times and this bump stuck foward very noticeably. The kicking was both visible and easy to feel. Until now, it hadn't happened at all but they would discover over the next few trials that this baby was active ~ very active ~ in the mornings.

"Can you feel that?" She looked at him a little wide eyed, panic and delight competing for first place in her expression. In the end, it was a draw. "Our baby kicks. Oh. Well, that means it's got legs. Which leads to all sorts of bother, really. Like, walking and running and falling over. But not when it's born. I mean, it has legs. But not for walking. Just, sort of there really. I wonder why they have them when they're born if they're no use." Faith looked up at him and breathed in, then out again slowly. They were just another appendage to squeeze out, after all. "So, we've decided what we're going to do, yes? Now, therefore, we need to work out how." Other people might question, come the morning, if they'd both meant what they said but that wasn't them. Faith knew without a doubt that they had made a decision and they were both now in the same place and the decision made wasn't doubted in her mind. Of course, abject terror was the place they were both at, but by Vri's blessing it was a better place than where they had been. This was their child and they would love it unconditionally; now the trick was to work out how to not kill it in the process of raising it, she considered with a gulp.

When he'd been out yesterday, getting some pickled beets and salted caramels for her, Faith had popped, or more accurately waddled, to the library at the Order. Which meant that there were a pile of books stacked on the dresser. They loomed there, filled with things that she didn't know and, for the first time in her life Faith didn't want to open them. Knowledge and learning were sustenance to her and always had been, but she was finally starting to think about there being things that she was happier not knowing about. Imagine that, she thought.

"I think we should think about this in stages. It's all too big otherwise." His hand was still there on her stomach, her left hand entwined with it and Faith looked up at him as they stood there. "You," she whispered as her right hand caressed his cheek with a gentle touch. Once she'd done that, she dropped that hand into his, squeezing gently. "Me," her eyes didn't leave his as the baby kicked again, both of them feeling it plainly and Faith smiled as she winced. She was terrified but there was no doubting him or them, "and us. The three of us. I know it's huge, but it's just another impossible thing. The moment you knew you loved me, you knew it was impossible, didn't you? I was a slave, owned by another man and even if I were ever freed, how could I ever be truly free in my heart? We excel at impossible, you and I and this? This is just.... well, it's not impossible, is it? People do it." Other people. Not them and come to that, not either of their parents, which was something of an issue for them both. But people did. "I mean. How hard can it be?" Her tone was far too bright and chipper to be honest as she asked that.

"Alright. I have fears and worries. You do too. But those are big things. Big fears and big worries. They'll get smaller when we've got the practicalities sorted." She hoped. Please Famula, let the big fears and worries get smaller. Faith moved to go and sit on the bed with her back against the wall and her legs raised up onto the bed sticking out in front of her. She looked down at her stomach and she smiled at him. "I look ridiculous. I called myself a teapot to you once, do you recall? I feel like one now. Alright. I think we should stay here in Rharne until the baby comes. I don't know how well I'll cope with travelling right now, and we're living in a place filled with medics. So, I think we should stay here, but that's open to discussion." That was, of course, until the baby came.

Faith looked at Padraig then and spoke it as she thought it. "I don't want to go back to Andaris. I was a slave there and I don't want to be that to this child. I'm pregnant and this is our baby and I'm free and all of those make my head spin. I think, once the baby is here we should go and introduce it to your grandfather, who you should write to and tell by the way, sell the house and then lets go to Viden so that you can go to the Academy there and continue your studies." She had no idea where Viden was, really, or anything about it but she wanted him to continue his studies and she wanted to not be in Andaris and those two things worked, to her mind, well together.

Once they'd gone round that, she looked at him and nodded her head, encouraging him to speak. "Your turn. What's next?" One thing at a time, after all and, may all the Immortals help him, as they made decisions, Faith picked up the parchment she had grabbed on her way past and she made notes.

[Padraig]

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"I slept alright," Padraig assured her when they returned to their room after eating. It wasn't true and they both knew it, he was only trying to give her one less thing to fret about. He'd stayed in the bed through the night but had been plagued by the sort of dreams people didn't necessarily remember. Falling ones, where he'd awoken with a start in the dark and felt wakefulness and gravity rushing up past him.

But it was his sleeping mind, trying to contend with what his waking one had yet to reconcile itself with. He'd just put down his coat on the back of a chair when Faith grabbed her stomach and spoke with a start. He smiled, curious, and gave her his hand to guide. And when he felt that first kick? His eyes widened in surprise and on impulse he drew his hand back before trying again. It was a wonder, really, but more so when he felt it roll beneath his hand and then a more pointed bulge appeared. Looking closer, he grinned again. "Look there," he exclaimed. "There's a footprint."

But legs? He glanced up at her then, frowned curiously and then couldn't stop a snort of amusement before he responded. "Of course it's got legs. Did you think you were going to lay an egg and then hatch it instead?" It might have been a little easier to adjust to, was it the case. They'd then have some practice, tending to that egg before an actual child came out of it. How ill equipped they were for all this was something he was reminded of, each time he thought of it.

"Yes, we've decided," he confirmed, but knew it was the only thing they'd managed to do thus far. "Nothing's impossible," he told her then. "But we do seem to have a habit of going about things in a more complicated way than others." She didn't look ridiculous, he assured her. Like a teapot, yes, but not ridiculous. She was as beautiful as ever in fact. "No, I don't think travel is a good idea right now. Your condition, and the weather in Cylus won't help."

"And not Andaris." Considering it all, he helped her into a chair before taking a seat himself. He'd prefer to stay as far away from Tristan, and the memories that would plague her there as possible. "If we were to return briefly though, we could sell the house like you say. It's worth some money, and we can use that. I can't imagine that babies are cheap to take care of."

Up to then, he hadn't really considered contacting his grandfather. Why would he have? At least, not about this. Now though? He might like to know he was going to be a grandfather, or great-grandfather. "I'll write to him," he agreed and then considered the rest. "Viden is an option, and I've attended the Academy there. It's a good one. But," he considered further with a curious frown before getting up and fetching the book he'd been given as a gift, not so long ago.

Bringing it back to her, he sifted through the pages until he'd found what he was looking for, and handed it to her. "Or Scalvoris? It appears they've a university there too. I could just as easily study there, and it looks interesting, don't you think?" he asked.

[Faith Augustin]

"Yes, that's a foot." Faith looked down at it and for all of his wide eyed wonder, she just looked wide eyed tinged with terrified. He snorted with amusement at her concern over it's legs and asked about laying an egg. "It's all well and good you chortling away there, Chuckles." Definitely more snippy, but she was smiling as she said it, her eyes showing that she was just teasing. "But you aren't facing the imminent exit of that foot and all the bits attached to it. So, take all that worry about what happens after the birth and add in the what happens during and what's happening before. Not to mention all the ways that I've already messed this up, even after I knew about it." Faith bumped her shoulder against his, stumbling slightly as she overbalanced but catching herself, and spoke in what could only be described as a mostly good natured grumble, "Swapping places, that's what we're doing. You snort and I'll scream like a girl. Doesn't seem fair."

Then, he topped it off with agreeing that she looked like a teapot. Faith turned and looked up at him with an utterly disbelieving look on her face. As he finished his thoughts on how she was as beautiful as she'd ever been, Faith let out a laugh. It was rare that she did, but it was a genuine one most certainly. "So, I've graduated from hummingbird to teapot. How very romantic." Her expression told that she was teasing and the point she made next was as sincere as anything she'd ever said, for all that she was teasing him seconds before. "We do it in a more complicated way, yes. But it's our way and it works for us." Of course, they were both adults and it was whether they were going to kill, neglect, starve or in any other way harm this baby that was the issue. "Plus, I suppose we have the added bonus of knowing that we'll be better parents than ours were." Points for effort had to count, she considered. Surely?

So, no travel in Cylus. They were agreed on that and she nodded. "We need to get work here, then. Both of us. I'm not ill, I'm just... a teapot. Maybe," the delight on her face as she spoke was unmistakeable, "I should get a job in Tio's Tea House. I bet you they've got teapot vacancies. But seriously, I should work. I feel better for sleeping. You would, too, if you tried it. There's a reason it's never gone out of fashion, you know." Babies weren't cheap, she was sure and that was another reason why she should get back to work and stop lollygagging. "So, we think I'm due to give birth in Ashan? Probably early on then. Shall we travel after that? It makes sense to me, I don't think I should give birth on a ship. It seems quite unsanitary and if we've forgotten to buy anything, we can't pop out and get it." Yep, logic dictated that giving birth on a boat was a bad plan.

Once the baby was here, though, they could make their way to Andaris, sell the house, go to Venora and see his grandfather if he wanted and then from there? She looked at the book with interest and then clasped her hands together over the open pages. "Wherever we are, I am home. I thought the house in Andaris was my first home, the first place I belonged, but it wasn't. You are. Either place sounds fine, although I like that there's an Order on the island and that there's a lot of varied food according to this." She wanted him to have the opportunity to continue his education, that was her only criteria.

Wherever they were, though, that meant that they were going to travel there with a baby. Therefore, there would be things they had to buy. Faith heaved herself up from the chair, "I wish you wouldn't look at me when I'm so off balance and stupid looking. I just want to get a book, and you can stop it, too." The last was spoken directly to her stomach, with a frown at it as another kick caused a wince. "I got this book, look. It's got chapters with names like 'The Absolute Basics' and I liked that. I just... " She sighed and looked at the book somewhat accusingly. "I've never met a book I didn't want to read. But what if I can't even do the Absolute Basics, Padraig?" Standing there, she handed him the book to see. It was indeed a very user friendly one which they recommended to those who came to the order who were expecting.

Then, unbidden, a whole range of worries bubbled to the surface and she felt entirely powerless to stop them from pouring out of her mouth. "When should we start buying things, do you think? And what about making things? Should I make things? I made things for Elsie, and that's another thing, we have to think of names and I am entirely ill equipped. What if we give it the wrong name and then it hates me? It says I feed it, but what if I can't? I'm supposed to eat things that are good for it, but what if it's allergic? When I think about this, I think I'm going to hyperventilate." It appeared that hyperventilation might well be on the cards as she lowered herself back down to the chair, breathing out as slowly as she could manage. "I need to know that we've got a contingency plan for if I'm just so shoddy at this that I harm it. Can we get a nanny?" Or if she died in childbirth, of course, but she didn't think he'd want to hear that. She was just building up to wondering if they could hire said Nanny now so that they'd be prepared, when a sudden look came over her face, one of amazement and hope and frustration all in one. "Padraig, we run classes! Here at the Order, for first time parents, we do. We run classes! We could go to one of those, couldn't we? They teach all the basics. Mattieus teaches them, so does Lay'iu. If there aren't any scheduled, I'm sure they'd help us."

[Padraig]

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Chuckles? Padraig grinned in spite of all the concerns that were pressing down on their shoulders, the both of them. He enjoyed teasing her. She got her back up quickly and easily, and so did he. It was a part of their relationship, and had been since the trial they'd met, that he enjoyed immensely. And over the past handful of trials, he'd missed that. "I'm fairly sure it will emerge in a streamlined sort of way, rather than all limbs akimbo."

At least that's what he assumed, and he hoped it was true now he thought about it. He'd never had reason to think of it before and that alone was enough to cause a new wave of anxiety. "Isn't there something you can take when it comes?" he wondered. "Something to make things easier?" Less painful, he meant, because he could only imagine that it was. Or, scratch that. He'd rather not imagine it.

And Padraig wouldn't say either that while he'd always consider her to be his hummingbird, tiny and energetic, she probably wasn't quite as aerodynamic as one of those colorful, elusive creatures in her current condition. She spoke the truth though about their parents. Hers. His, though it was possible that there was a father out there who'd never known he had a son. In fact it was more than likely. His grandfather had done alright, though he hadn't appreciated it at the time.

"It might be good for us both to work a little," he agreed when Faith mentioned it. And not just for money's sake. "It would be a good distraction. Much more staying cooped up here, we'll drive ourselves mad. And each other too. So we'll travel after the baby comes then. And wherever we go, that's where we'll make our home. I could study there on the island," he considered. "I could even get a steady respectable job maybe at the university."

As for looking at her, he wouldn't apologize and he couldn't stop if he wanted to. "You're as beautiful as ever, you know." And there was utter truth in that. In fact now that they'd accepted that this child would come, and it must be theirs together, there was a new glow and sense about her that he liked quite a lot. As for the book? He took it tentatively, almost as if he dreaded touching the thing and looking inside. There'd be all sorts of knowledge and information they'd be expected to know. And he suspected they didn't know a bit of it yet.

He smiled though, in spite of it. "We'll learn together, and we'll do fine. Hopefully we'll have a forgiving child." But the more she worried, the more she wound herself up and again, she worried more. But then so did he. "I'm sure if you eat things that are good for you, they'll be good for the child," he considered. "You've made clothing for other babies, you can make things for ours. And though I'm not much of a carpenter, we might between us make a cradle, something for it to sleep in while it's small."

Hopefully it would stay small for a very long time. It would delay the inevitability of it wandering off, or into things that it shouldn't. "Classes?" he said when she drew him out of a worrisome train of thought. But still he was frowning, over a brand new prospect. "We could?" Funny how that sounded more like a question than an answer. But previous to now, it was the sort of thing he'd have steered clear of. But now? He nodded. "We could, yes. Wouldn't do us a bit of harm."

[Faith Augustin]

Something she could take? Faith looked at him with amusement. "It's not quite the same as a headache, Padraig. No, there's very little. There's a few roots that can be chewed, but when we're delivering, we need the woman to be able to feel the pain so that she can push into it." She looked at him and the fear she felt about that part was written all over her face. "I've only really ever dealt with women after it's gone wrong." Both in her job at the Order and when she worked for an undertaker. She thought she was probably better not mentioning that bit. " Before Zvezdana I'd never actually delivered a baby. Ironic, isn't it? But it takes breaks, usually. Ten or so. I really don't want to think about it." Actually, in fairness, she didn't mind thinking about it in a purely academic way, in an in-theory sort of manner. As an impending experience, Faith was less keen. Standing with him, she leant into his arms, slipping her arm around his waist and lifting herself up on tip toe to kiss him on the cheek and whisper in his ear. "I told you we should have got a dog."

They continued to talk as she lowered herself into the chair, but when he talked about getting a job something that he said caused a frown to cross her face. "I think the question should be what do you want to do?" Faith looked at him with a very serious expression. Clasping her hands together and interlocking her fingers, she looked down at her hands for just a moment and then lifted her head again. "If there's anything the last few trials have taught me is that we are both downright miserable when we aren't in the shape of us." She breathed in and looked a little far away for a trill, remembering. "Kura told me that family means the people you can tell your deepest fears and darkest secrets to, where you go when you have nowhere else. The people you would give your life for and who would do the same for you." She held his gaze with her own serious silver eyes. "So, it turns out that I did know about family. I thought I didn't. That's you, for me. My happiness is inextricably and completely wrapped up and tangled around yours. So you take what job you want to, or take none. As long as you are happy I am, and as long as I am happy, you are. Lets focus on being happy, the rest will come."

When she heaved herself up out of the chair though, his response caught her off guard and she looked at him in surprise. "Don't be ridiculous," Faith meant it completely, gesturing in a general up and down sort of way in front of herself and then sighing slightly, unable to think of an analogy for how ridiculous she felt, waddling about. Then, however, she looked at him and blinked in surprise. "You mean it. You are a strange man, you know," as she handed him the book, her fingers brushed over his and a look of relief flew across her face, but she said no more than that.

He was right, she reasoned, she'd made baby clothes for Elsie and for Zvezdana's child. She nodded. "We can do that, I'd like that, Padraig. We could make a crib and give it really high sides like a baby-cage. I mean, when Tristan loaned me to Lady Elyna after Elsie was born." A frown crossed Faith's face at that, as though a realisation had struck her, which indeed it had. Still, it was done now but with her new freedom came consideration of things, looking at them in different ways. Justice, being one of them. She shook her head as the thought process almost took over. "I was there just after the birth and I stayed with them a while, lots of trials, until just before the play. They borrowed me to do the domestic things so that they could be with Elsie so I didn't look after her but she didn't get out of the crib at all." Faith's face told the truth of her next words before she spoke them. "It never bothered me before, to be loaned out. It was his right, yet it irritates me now, both that he did it and that they took it. I wonder why." She genuinely had no idea and would have to think about it. Or not, she reasoned, it didn't matter did it? But yes, classes. She smiled and nodded her agreement.

"So, we can feed it and clothe it. We can put it to sleep. What else does it say we're supposed to know?" Faith looked at him and did her best to smile, motioning to the book almost as though it was about to gnaw off her arm.

[Padraig]

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"Well I wasn't suggesting that it was anything like a headache," Padraig countered with a deep frown. "No more than having a child is like getting a puppy." Although it might be nice, considering that puppies didn't stay pups for long, and tended to grow up fast. "But ten breaks or more?" It wasn't a revelation that went down particular well. More like, it dropped down in his belly in a mind spinning way.

But he wouldn't argue that surely, there must be something. She'd done this before, at least she'd helped other women and if Faith said there wasn't, then there wasn't. But it was as if she'd read his mind. If they'd gotten a dog, more like a pup, at least they'd have gotten some practice by now. The least he could do now is give her someone to lean on. Both figuratively and literally. And in spite of her expanded middle, she fit as nicely against him as always.

As for getting a job, it was something he wanted. It was one of the only things at the moment that he could control. And he'd feel as if he was doing something useful. Still, he smiled when she told him what Kura had said. "She's right you know. All those things she told you are things I'd like to have said, but didn't know how." But right. Happy. Terrified, filled with dread and happy together, he thought as he helped her back into her chair.

But when Faith told him about Elyna and Malcolm's baby, and her time spent with them, the first thing that caught him up short was the term loaned, and borrowed. But he'd said it before, how he felt about that and wouldn't again. But the crib, and how much time the babe had spent in it..."Never? They didn't take her outdoors, or just to hold her, or anything?" He was as far from an expert on child rearing as it was possible to be. But it didn't sound quite right at any rate.

Then she spoke of her thoughts regarding Tristan's behavior. "It bothers you now, because the farther you are away from that life, the better you can see things from a different perspective. The perspective of a free person." All the better in his mind that she saw it now, if she hadn't before.

So, back to the book. They could feed the child, clothe it and they could build it a crib What next, Padraig wondered as he dared to open that book and have a look around. "Well there's putting on a diaper, giving a bath," he said, which in itself looked like a major undertaking based on the illustrations. "And crying. Apparently there's a lot of crying." And he wondered. Did that mean them or the baby? Probably both, now he'd thought on it.

[Faith Augustin]

The thought of ten breaks caused a look to cross his face which made her heart leap into her throat as she hugged him. "It's alright. The people here are well trained, women have been doing it a long time and you don't need to be in earshot if you don't want to be." Faith considered, trying to remember everything she had read and learnt about childbirth, although she rather wished she didn't know anything. Ignorance, bliss and all that. "The birth pains start and then, over the course of those breaks, they get closer together. Then, it's time to push and then it's baby. See? Straightforward." She grinned up at him with a quirk of her eyebrow which told him, quite plainly, that if he believed that he'd believe anything. But, for him, she'd try and make it as true as she could.

Kura's words pleased him and he agreed, which caused Faith to smile. Once she had lowered herself down, though, she looked at him with an earnest gaze. "You're too hard on yourself and I'd like you to stop it, please. We're both just doing our best here, Padraig." Her gaze was entirely serious as she spoke, bordering on telling him off. "Your best is more than good enough. Just always do that and I'll always do the same. Then, lets always forgive each other when we make mistakes, which we inevitably will." In terms of moving forward and focusing on being happy, she was clear. "Happy is all I want. Right now I have to admit to scared witless and doubting my ability to do this. But happy, too and I'd rather be terrified and happy than terrified and miserable." Which she had been, and so had he, just a few trials ago. No, this was far preferable.

"Oh, no, no that's not what I meant!" Faith chuckled as she considered his words about baby Elsie. "Oh, I'm sorry, I see how it's what I said, but no, I mean she didn't get out of her crib on her own. She didn't escape. They took her out of it, yes." With an apologestic look on her face, Faith squeezed his hand. "See? You knew that was wrong. So it isn't true to say you know nothing. It's just about building on what we know."

Her perspective on her time with Tristan had changed, there was no doubting it. She regarded him with a serious gaze and nodded, "True. But I understand other things better too. Looking back on things, seeing them with different eyes. I'm not just a free person. I have worth, I'm a treasure." It was such an overwhelming thing and Faith wished she could make him understand just what his support had given her. "I know I did it, and it's still in progress. But Padraig, don't ever get hung up on small mis-steps when you've walked such a journey with me, supporting and encouraging and holding me up when I couldn't do it. Come to that," she took his hand again, intertwining her fingers with his and rested it on her stomach, where the babe immediately kicked in response. She winced and smiled simultaneously "We've taken a lot of journeys together you and I. This is just another one."

Putting on a diaper and giving it a bath? Alright. Faith glanced at the illustrations and hoped that they looked a lot more complicated upside down. "Well surely," she reasoned, "We only need to learn to do one of those things? I mean. If we keep it's mess contained in a diaper and we don't roll it in dirt, we won't need to bath it? If we are going to bath it, then lets just not worry too much about the diaper situation. We can just lay it in the crib and when it creates a situation, one of us can bath it whilst the other changes the bedding. Which would you prefer to focus on?" She was entirely serious when she spoke, and when he said that there was a lot of crying she nodded. "Lady Elyna got very emotional. But Elsie cried a lot too. Do you think that's what it means? When she cried they had a routine. A list of things to check for. Food, wind, diaper. Then they just cuddled her." Faith frowned and considered and then added, with an almost hopeful look on her face. "She slept a lot. I mean, most of the trial. That's good, isn't it?"

[Padraig]

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"Why? Will there be screaming?" Padraig realized as soon as he'd said it, in fact before he was finished asking, what a ridiculous question it was. Of course there'd be screaming. It was bound to be painful. Women had been doing it, he supposed, since the beginning of time. Surely there'd been time to find a better way?

But the realization left him with a conundrum. Could he really leave her to the healers, while he paced and waited, out of sight and out of mind? She certainly wouldn't be out of the way of his awareness, and he'd worry himself into a mass of nerves. He ought to be there with her. He wanted to.

Something told him that there were things that might strike him as too much, cause him to pass out cold. Maybe he'd do more harm than good, be no use to her. "Do you want me there?" he asked.

He could hardly imagine not being there. They'd gone through everything else hand in hand to now. They'd supported each other, held each other up. He wanted to. But if it would be a distraction that neither she or the healers wanted, he'd defer to their wishes instead.

"It's sort of our trademark isn't it?" he asked with a barely suppressed grin. "Missteps, foibles, we've sort of turned it into an art for others to aspire to." As for the child getting out of the crib, now and again, it came as a relief that he'd mistaken what she meant, and he grinned again. Just a little. "Good. I was worried if we never let it out, the crib would need get bigger over time and it would grow to resent us."

But yes, this was another journey for them both, though he expected there'd be times now that another life was involved, one that would presumably have a will of it's own, that it would be one rife with pitfalls. Maybe more than ever before. "I only had to set triggers on planted explosives before, and both of us have provoked a handful of Immortals by now without thinking. Something tells me that this will be just a little more tricky."

"I think we'll need to do both," he said, after considering baths and diapers. "It says in this book that sometimes they throw up on themselves or others. And while I don't have much experience with young children," he added, because he'd avoided it to now, I think that they tend to get sticky if you don't wash them. But if babies slept a lot, at least they'd have time to recoup between rounds of crying, throwing up and getting sticky. "Well then, I think we're all set, don't you?" he teased her with a tired grin.

Far from it of course, they were only just beginning and the child hadn't arrived yet. But Padraig suspected that somehow if he didn't make light now and then, and they couldn't laugh about it, the both of them might just dissolve in a fit of panic and tears,

[Faith Augustin]

She looked up at him and smiled as he asked her if there would be screaming. He realised even before he'd finished asking, just how daft a question it was, she knew. So, she contented herself with an arch expression and a quiet spoken, "You are, without question, the most adorable man alive." The look on his face was conflicted, concerned and Faith determined in that moment that, if she had any say in it whatsoever, there would be no screaming. She was a very disciplined woman and she had endured a lot of pain. Freedom was making her soft, she considered, but there was no need to be making a fuss. She resolved that she would manage this without making a scene and she reminded herself to remember this moment after the baby was here. Probably with an ironic smile at her own naive nature.

His question, though, caught her off guard and she looked at him, concern for him in her eyes. "I feel like I should lie and tell you no, but you'd know anyhow. Yes, I want you there. I can't imagine how I'll do this if you're not. But if you can't, then it's fine, I understand and I believe when the time comes, it will happen and that's that." The thought of him not being there doubled her terror but Faith recognised that since she'd expressed her wish for him to be there, the only way it now wouldn't happen was if he couldn't. And if he couldn't, she reasoned, that was fine. To have him there, though, would keep her focused she knew and she could know that he was alright, which would make things easier.

Missteps and foibles did seem to be their trademark, she agreed and she wondered just how they managed to make sense of it all sometimes, but the fact remained that they did. She nodded her head and grinned back at him, not supressing hers in the slightest at the thought of the ever-expanding crib. "I think at that point, we've built a cage, not a crib. Resentment might occur at cages, yes. But, you know, don't you that this is going to be the most beautiful, cleverest, most perfect child? It will undoubtedly be a genius and already is, in fact. Just like it's father." Oh that was a scary word. Father. Faith's grin turned slightly panic stricken as he described this as slightly more tricky, but she had to agree. "Well, we'll just have to tag team and negotiate it all together, won't we? And, people don't remember their infancy, so if we really mess it up we'll be alright as long as we've got ourselves together by the time it's three or four."

But it threw up as well? Oh this was getting worse and Faith frowned. "Well, that's just rude of it. Alright, so baths and diapers and vomit. We want to avoid sticky at all costs. Maybe it sleeps so much so that we have time to clean up." She considered and nodded with a beaming smile. "Yes, I think we're ready to become parents now. Oh, no, that isn't funny." She gave a small chuckle though and put her hand on the book. "Alright, enough for this trial, eh? We've got started and that's good, but lets go little steps? We've got time." Not a lot of time. Certainly not as much time as other parents had, thanks to Aelig, but some. Bottom line was, she considered, it would have to be enough.

[Padraig]

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Adorable or no, and Padraig thought not, there was something to the notion of screaming during childbirth that couldn't exactly be denied. Apart from a reaction to pain of course, which he'd rather not think about for her sake. He grinned a little in response to the thought. "Well if there is, doesn't a warrior scream when charging into battle? We might consider it that way instead. A battle cry."

"But of course I'll be there, you don't have to ask." The fact that she wanted there, needed him there was enough to make the decision. And he resolved to be no matter what. Even if that sense of resolve was accompanied by a flush of heat from the inside out and the sensation of his stomach turning over. But no. He wouldn't be anywhere else.

Padraig smiled at her when she overcame the fear just long enough to imagine how their child might be. And he could only agree with her. "He or she will be as beautiful as their mother, as tenacious and determined, and definitely smarter than anyone else's child." She was right though. If he thought on it, his first memory was of a time when he'd been three at most. Not a bad memory, but not a detailed one either. Just snippets and broken images. "The book says you should read to it before it's born. I think we should do that," he concluded. But at the end of it, small steps were all they could do, the two of them. And as she said, it ought be enough.