Brain Malfunctions Continued

[Jade]

Brain Malfunctions Continued

Hey guys and welcome to my personal journal where you can expect me to blab about pretty much everything under the sun. You're welcome to comment on anything I talk about or share your own thoughts/music/anything else.

[Jade]

Hey there all! I wanted to go ahead and post this up to tell you that I'm super slammed until the weekend. You probably won't see me on chat and if I don't get to your PMs in a timely manner, just know that I've read them and I'm aware that I need to talk to you. I also wanted to ask if all of you can post here/edit this post to include all of the things I need to look over/change/update for/from you this weekend, since I will have loads of free time then. I'm not trying to overwork myself, I just want to make sure I've addressed everything I need to before I dive into my own work for the site. I hope you guys are doing great as well. Spring is right around the corner here and it's definitely cheering me up. I'm also really excited about some of the things I've seen you guys posting. You have no idea how blessed I am to have each one of you here, apart of the team, helping each other out with this enormous, wonderful, and stressful hobby. I just want you all to know that I see your creations and I will definitely comment on them when I have more time to do so! Please be safe until the weekend when I can talk to you guys again and have an awesome end to your work week.

[Maltruism]

Well, let me be the first to ruin your weekend!
Okay just a reminder about my last reply to "New Map" PM thread, regarding whether or not photos from news sources need a "dedication" link, and a nudge about the timeline you were going to post.

Then, I'm sending a PM to you and Shards about placing the Misty Miasma. I have a few more ideas for stuff found there.

I started a new "Unreleased Content" forum regarding alternative mounts, meaning "other than horses". As well as comments on slavery backstories and Slave Bonus restrictions. I think that's everything.

[Jade]

So I'll start this off by saying that I am a very superstitious, supernatural loving, spiritually interested individual. I've been curious about the paranormal since my early days and even more so with my spirituality now that I'm an adult. You're probably wondering why I'm bringing this up. Well it's a bit of background info for you to understand what I'm writing about right now and hopefully, by the end, you don't think I'm a lunatic! Trust me, sometimes I think my sanity is nonexistent. Moving on!

When I was growing up, my mother took the family to church often. We were regulars ever Sunday, everyone knew us, said hi, the kind of church outing most folks would expect. Typical. We were raised as Lutherans and went to Sunday school almost every day, however, the church never really felt particularly right with me. I guess even from a young age, I already had a perspective of God, my thoughts on the afterlife, and things of that nature so to be given information that contradicts my beliefs was hard for me to digest. It was obvious that I didn't fit well in Sunday school— maybe because I asked too many questions that got the same answers or maybe the teachers didn't like getting into a debate with a 10 year old in front of other students. Who knows, but eventually we stopped going to church due to family issues.

Even though I didn't fit well in church, I took from it some teaching like praying before bed, having faith, learning to forgive others and myself, etc. However, I didn't feel right about having faith as a Lutheran. Somehow it felt wrong to me. Like someone was trying to make me believe and worship a fairy-tale. It wasn't tangible to me, it wasn't something that I could trust and so I didn't.

For a while I labeled myself as an Atheist. Soldiering through adolescence, I completely believe that almost all teenagers feel, at one point, that their lives are crap and they are alone in the world. Embarrassingly enough, I was one of those teenagers. I had no faith to lift me up, nothing to give me hope, it just seemed like everything was dark. Yet, constantly I had this feeling, like something wasn't right. Like I wasn't paying attention. I lied to myself about forgoing my faith because I did believe. I believed that there was a higher power, or powers, that looked after us. I believed that there was evil, true evil. But with that, I realized that there had to be good.

On my 18th birthday, as a fun thing to do, I sought out a well known psychic and asked him to do a group reading on my mother, my best friend, and me. It's odd what you notice when you really try to pay attention and not just with your eyes or ears, but your instincts. When we started the reading, it felt like a buzz was in the air. Something was different, amplified. The psychic had his eyes closed and wasn't really paying attention to me but to everything, it felt like.

Now, as I mentioned before, I never fit well in the church but I did take teachings from it. I believe there are angels that help guide us on our paths. While growing up, I had a particular fascination for the Arch Angel, Gabriel. I swore that I loved the name and the meaning and stories behind it that I wanted to name my son Gabriel.

While the psychic is conducting his reading, he immediately states that there's been an arch angel looking after me and names Gabriel. Now, I know a lot of you are going to argue the logic behind this. Trust me, I did myself. But it was weird some of the things he said that no one really knew— some of the things I had said while praying or just seeking some kind of help from the powers that be.

He told me that I had gifts like him that ran through my mother's bloodline and that I would meet a man in November of that year. He told me that my gifts would start in my dreams before eventually opening up to the world around.

Now, I know how this sounds. Crazy, right? Yeah, I found it hard to believe too.

When I came out of the reading, my mother asked me what he had told me. After informing her, she chuckled and shook her head saying,"You know, he's right. I didn't think to tell you but I remember Meema (my grandmother) telling me something like that." My mother has had a plethora of paranormal and weird crap happen to her so when she said this, I found it hard NOT to believe her.

And the weird thing was... It all happened. That's mainly the reason for my post today.

Many of the staff members know that I'm in a happy relationship with my boyfriend, Anthony. We've been together nearly 3 years now and haven't had the typical roller coaster relationship that most young couples at this mark would. Our relationship has been the best. Mature, open, honest, loving. And to think that we started dating after 2 days of knowing each other. Yep, that's how it happened.

On top of that, I sleep like a rock. However, it's strange how vivid my dreams are sometimes. I've had a dream journal where I actually draw out what I see. You would think that some of these dreams wouldn't make any sense but most of them make so much sense that it's scary sometimes. When I sleep, it's not restful either. Each night I go to sleep, it's like my brain is taking me on an adventure. I've had dreams about fighting in the civil war, shooting myself in the head with a pistol, then waking up with my head tingling. That tingling like your foots been asleep.

So, after such a long post, I've come to the main point of everything that I've talked about!

I had a dream last night where I was a young girl with curly, brown long hair. I was about 5 or 6 and a friend of mine was sleeping over. We were wearing our night gowns but it was early in the morning and the wooden floor was still cold. The fire hadn't been lit and the curtains were still closed. We were the only ones awake but it didn't feel like it. Inside the room was a queen size bed with a mahogany back board with trimming and a foot board that was curled. The bed was tall, I remember, and was white and pink. I think the sheets were striped. In front of the bed was a vanity dresser, old fashioned but big and next to it was a tiny door leading into a small storage space. This door was latched by a simple hook that seemed to always fall off the loop and creek open even though the look was firmly planted into the wall.

I remember we were playing hide and seek while waiting for the rest of the house hold to wake up. While I counted in the bedroom, she had ran off into the greeting area just outside of my door. I thought I heard her come back because I heard a lot of things rustling around in the room. So I stopped counting and turned around. Everything had been thrown around the room. Clothes everywhere, the sheets and blankets were off the bed, books had been tossed on the vanity, the pillows missing, candle holders rolling on the floor. The bedroom was turned upside down.

That wasn't what caught my eye, however, it was the tiny door leading into the little storage closet we had. It was wide open and dark. Very, very dark. I stayed glued to my spot and called out to my friend who I believe was called Melissa. I saw a hand reach out of the darkness before her face and the rest of her body appeared. She giggled as if nothing was wrong but something was very wrong. I remember knowing in my dream that it was a trick and it was a dream. I remember thinking that this could turn into a nightmare, but something just felt off.

In the dream, I reached out to Melissa, but instead of grabbing her hand, I put my thumb on her forehead and said,"You are banished by the power of three." And I remember saying it over and over and over. The dream started to go white and then I woke up. I've felt exhausted all day but the strange thing was, that wasn't the first dream I had where I put my thumb on someone's forehead and said something about the "power of three".

Then again, I do have an overactive imagination. I mean, hello, website?

Whether or not any of this has any supernatural merit, I don't know. Strange things happen to me during the day. Sometimes thoughts pop into my head out of no where then suddenly, something happens that reminds me of the thought. I guess what I mean to say is that a lot of coincidence happens to me and you've got to think, after the first few, are these really coincidences?

Anywho, I'm done freaking people out! Lol. Back to developing!!!

[Jade]

When do you know it's time to say goodbye to an animal?

I work as a receptionist at an emergency veterinary clinic and often times, the animals that comes to us are in critical condition and end up passing away. Most people who walk away from us without their pets ask me how I can do this job without going home and crying. The true is it's hard for the owners but not as hard for us because it's not our animal. That's not meant to sound harsh. We've not shared our space, time, comfort, love, and worry over the animal that now lays still on our tables in the back. We see the animal as a patient with odds that we wish to better, though often times they don't have a chance.

However, there are times where a client will walk in with an animal that reflects my animal's appearance and it does hurt me when they don't walk out of our clinic with their baby. I remember someone bringing in their 8 month our cat that vaguely reminded me of Teefs, the cat my boyfriend and I rescued. Well they had to humanely euthanize him because the owner couldn't afford to treat him and because of that, I was in a sour mood for the rest of the weekend.

And I understand that sometimes because of finances, we're not able to help those who need it. I understand that I'm somewhat placed in the same position.

My cat of 12 years has grown up with me from elementary, middle, high school, and college. He's watched the years tick by as I have, all the while having a happy, content life that I've tried my best to provide for him. However, he is 12 years old and I notice lately that he doesn't move as often anymore and pretty much sleeps the days away. He has turned from a pretty orange to a mixture of grey, orange, and brown. He looks old and tired, but he still eats and uses the bathroom appropriately.

I remember talking to my mother the other day about his unfocused behavior and she brought up the very real fact that he was indeed old and might not have much more time left. While I understand that death is a very real thing that we all must face one day, I can't help my childhood... childish feelings come rushing to the surface every time I wonder when do you know it's time to say goodbye?

Selfishly, I don't want to say goodbye and I'm sure every owner who has ever loved their animal can agree with me. Maybe he has a few more years left in him or maybe he doesn't. How would I know? How could I know? How does someone make the decision to kill something they've loved for so long? Honestly, writing this makes me tear up.

I'm not trying to be dramatic with this. Between work, constructing the website, hanging with my friends, boyfriend, and family, these thoughts have weighed me down. I knew this day would come but I never actually thought it would, for some reason. It makes me depressed to lose the last living thing from my childhood soon... maybe? I don't feel ready for the emotional roller coaster ride that this will send me on but then again, who is ever really ready to say goodbye to their pet?

[Whisper]

Gonna just leave this here for you. It makes me cry.

I mean.. think about it. Here we have Billy Boyd, actor of Pippin, singing the credits song of the final Hobbit film. The song is called The Last Goodbye D:

It's harrowing.

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[Jade]

Hey there everyone!

So we've had a lot of things planned that sadly had to be put off because of my absence. Not that I mean to make this a usual thing. The boss at work keeps scheduling me for shifts and somehow doesn't understand that when I said no, it means that I don't want to come in for just 6 hours, 4 hours, or 2 hours. It means I do not want to come in because I'm buuusssyyyy. Unfortunately, the summer season has required all hands on deck so I've been spending most of my time in the office.

That being said, I try to check in from time to time when I'm not in a dead zone or passed out on the couch. I see we have a couple new members which is definitely exciting and a few things that need to be addressed in the moderator forums. For those of you waiting for PMs from me, please be patient because I see you have questions but I won't have the time to get to them till Monday.

As for the on air chat, we were supposed to have that last night, I believe and obviously, it did not happen lol. So I'm planning on rescheduling the event for sometime next week since I will actually have the time to focus on it.

I just celebrated my birthday this past Monday so you can understand why I haven't been around. Between getting smashed face with my friends and family, and literally turning the couch into my passed out area, I've just been swamped with things. June is not helping either.

The baby girl has grown so much in the last 3 weeks and now, can hop the baby gate and get onto the couch without help. She is literally a vacuum cleaner and eats pretty much whatever she wants. On top of that, she's still teething so needless to say, my patience has been severely tested for the last month hahah.

But I wanted to put this out so you guys know I'm alive. I have been reading things and I want to let you all know that I am not ignoring you. I just can't believe how busy things are for me right now, bleh!

Jade

[Sel'ma]

Hello Jade !

I decided to send you a belated birthday gift. Sometimes I look at surreal art and when this popped up I felt I quite like it and thoguht I'd post it for you. It's like a picture of creativity and dreams; at least to me this is what comes to mind. I confess I have been hooked on the theme of soap bubbles for a while; the lightness and the shimmering colors and patterns.

This painting is Bubble Flower, by Josephine wall, at Josephine Wall Gallery. (Free to use non commersially, with cred and link)

[Jade]

Thanks so much for that art work Sel'ma

I'm definitely going to find some place to put it because I'm a real fan of things like that too!

[Jade]

Hey there guys,

So I know I haven't been around in a few weeks and that's completely my fault. A lot has been going on in my life for the past few months and it kind of hit the wall last night. I haven't kept you all updated so I'll fill you in.

First off, taking care of our puppy, June, has been both a blessing and a nightmare. It's been hard because she needs a lot of attention and training and wrecks everything when she's alone. On top of that, my cats began coughing one day and we're still trying to figure out why they keep doing it. For those of you wondering, I've got 3 cats and a dog. I know, we're a zoo.

Anyway, work has been an utter pain in the ass and after July was over, I knew I had to get out of there. Last night only confirmed in when one of my coworkers started going off on me for wanting to leave early because I forgot it was my mom's birthday. Every single day I bust my ass working at that place, trying to learn, trying to do my absolute best to move forward and move up and make more money. I found out that none of my coworkers wanted to talk to me because I was "too much of an overachiever" and I always kept doing there jobs. Really..? Right.

So I said fuck it and found a new job that pays me A LOT more and allows me to have 4 days off a week. I'm so thankful that this place finally hired me because I've been applying to it for about 2 years now. What perfect timing, I think.

On top of all of this, because I'll be getting significantly more money, my boyfriend and roommate are thinking about finding a house to rent and we've got to figure it out before November. Of course, that's not all hahah. I've started school and it's been a nightmare trying to get my Tri-Care insurance back and because I don't have my insurance, I can't get my medications. So right now, I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb about to explode and I've been trying to avoid everything until I get my meds and start to feel right again.

So it's been kind of a mess for me right now and I feel bad about leaving the site hanging. I promise you guys that I'll be back in the swing of things by October. I'll still be around checking on things and I'll try to get some stuff fixed and graded but I won't be very active.

Thanks for understanding.