OOC - Nice Things, I Promise

[Alistair]

My Journal

I won't be a meanie in here, I pwamees. This is my place to tell y'all that I love you. And talk about the good things in life!

[Vakhanor]

[Alistair]

Are you the little snowman that is only preceding a gigantic frost beast that is going to end my life?

[Alistair]

This is going to be my 200th post. As my celebratory gift to no one since no one will care (#edgelord), I will share information about myself when it comes to writing.

• I began writing about six years ago. My first roleplay was a freaking anime/Naruto RP. Don't judge me, okay? Anyway, that obviously got tiresome, so I moved onto Western Medieval Fantasy which is of course my favorite. That began with another site I ran, then with Mizahar, then here.
• I got perma-banned on Mizahar, very spontaneously. I was Caesarion. I honestly don't know if I would still be there if I hadn't been, but I'm glad that I was banned. This place is much better in my opinion - I believe the new systems make it much more fun to write in than that musty old website. I've been RPing here very actively for only a month (I was sort of MIA the first few months), but on Alistair already have more than half Caesarion's post count across three years. I enjoy this place.
• I've led two "sites" that have a collective count of 900,000 posts. One of those is the stupid Naruto one, but whatever. What kept me there was the admin side of it. I like moderating. xD
• I like table-top/DnD, but I can never find a good party because of my timezone (-10, Hawaii). As a result, I am stuck to forum RP, though I think I prefer it so that's okay. I have a hard time in table-top because I feel awkward "Speaking" in character. I dislike it.
• I left Standing Trials for a few months because I was unhappy with the magic system here. I disliked the conduits and found Necromancy boring, which is so intricate to my character. Thus, boring Necromancy equals boring Alistair! Plague is the reason I came back. Mad excite for his Necromancy rework.
• I'm really bad at doing descriptive actions and clear details. I think it's because my initial RPs were always very free-form and didn't sweat the minor details, and I am STILL trying to break out of that mold. I've always considered myself much better at dialogue. I will admit though that I prefer it; believe it makes my posts more interesting than merely side details such as my character leaning and picking up a banana. Like, whatever man.
• Combat between two PCs is my favorite thing to RP, but I have not done so on this website or Miz, despite my collective time of four years on both. Because you guys all hate it, I swear! And are afraid of dying. ;_;
• I have a tendency of swamping myself in threads, losing my drive to post in any of them, and then looking to solos to give me my energy back so that I can post in them again. lol
• I don't reply in order of who replied to me first, but rather who I think about replying to first. I'm sorry.
• Basically I'm terrible. Tee hee.

[Alistair]

Much Love

So, I've been wanting to do this for a while, so I'm gonna do it!

I just wanted to say that I really, really love this place. It's difficult for me to properly emphasize how much I love it. I know I come off as a totally cheeky brat sometimes, and I step on toes and generally have a bad time of being the most mannerly individual, but I really like everyone on this website. I love the players, I love the staff. The generosity, appreciation, kindness and respect I've been given is astounding. I went from jack poo on this website to - in a month - developing whole magics, even an Immortal, huge plots, factions, etc. The amount of credence I've been given amazes me, and it's helped me to realize something.

ST really is a place where everyone is appreciated. That appreciation becomes a dear respect as long as they put time, effort and love into their ideas. I've seen tons of people get a lot of love in the staff chat/forum for their efforts, and it just really goes to show how optimistic the people on this site are.

As I said, I love this place. It's my home now when it comes to pretty much most of the enjoyment of my life. It helps me de-stress. I feel like I can relax and talk honestly to pretty much everyone here, and the amount of drama here is surprisingly low compared to pretty much any site of a similar size. I really think that there was greatness put into ST, a greatness that is expanding. As a result, I've come to care for this place dearly.

So, I just wanna say that I appreciate everyone here. Shout-outs to all of my homies.

Ali out.

[Alistair]

This is totally going to be Ali's Rupturing revelation, one that'll come out only during certain times. Mad cool. Kthx

[Alistair]

I know I'm just babbling in my lonesome here, but this video annoyed the crap out of me. As a Hawaiian, I think the whole "pillaging the continent of Hawai'i" thing set me off the most. Firstly, we're not a continent (this girl sounds like she didn't go to elementary school), secondly we weren't pillaged. We were a colonial sphere of Western powers and were eventually integrated via education, religious and otherwise, that changed Hawaiian culture to... essentially American.

Eventually we had our monarchy deposed by basically wealthy corporate heads in Hawai'i, and the U.S. filled the gap after that power vacuum. There was no pillaging involved or genocide or whatever involved. >_> It wasn't the best way to go about our integration. It wasn't the happiest, most peaceful way. Many Hawaiians recognize the sadness of our history. However, it's not like we were put to the torch and massacred. It wasn't Ruanda-Burundi over here.

Also, she has to have the most annoying voice I've ever heard.

Hawaiian people are not nearly this angry or hateful. We don't care if you have Hawaiian bobbleheads in your car. We benefit from tourism and the spreading of our culture to other places, even if merely in the form of hula skirts, surfboards, leis and bobbleheads. I hate it when people try to speak for other cultures. Someone who thinks we're a continent should never claim to be representing Hawai'i.

[Incubus]

Hey everyone. This is my notice to everyone that for now, I'm retiring from ST.

Essentially, the reason I have gone from ST for the past few weeks is because I cannot find enjoyment in it right now. I don't know why, honestly. It's completely without reason, logically. It's not because of anything staff related. I promise that to all of you. I simply cannot enjoy the site right now and I think it has a lot to do with, firstly, the fact that I have had an exceptional case of writer's block for the past month or so. I can't make a single good post with Alistair. I've been making promises and promises and promises to post, to do plots, to do a whole slew of things - but all it's done is waste other people's time and hold them up. It's stressed me out.

Honestly, it's the same thing with staff. I have been telling people I'll grade and finish all of my projects as well as general things I'm required to do, but I haven't been able to do so. I've had a total block - a lack of motivation - for quite some time now. The tensity that appeared in staff did not serve to send me away, but rather to help me realize a few important things: that my life outside of this website is one that is exceptionally important to me and it's one I've been neglecting. I am very poor at juggling between my online hobbies and my other engagements.

It's just, usually my hobbies involved my closest friends regardless. If we're not spending time together IRL, we can at least play video games or do DnD or write on a site that we all run together as tight-woven friends. I've had these friends for many, many years. They're people that are irreplaceable, and they almost unanimously came to speak to me and tell me that they're saddened that I've neglected spending time with them for so long, and because of a fixation I formed on trying to be active and diligent on ST.

This isn't the first time this has happened. Unfortunately, I have a somewhat severe form of dysthymia that forces me away from the people closest to me for a very extended period of time, quite often. I get depressed, I become hard to deal with and people distance themselves from me, then I disappear for a long time while I sort out all of my bullshit by myself. This is what happened here, and it's what has been happening for months. I ran away to ST as a fantasy to keep myself feeling good about life. Honestly, it did very well to keep me occupied and happy while I sorted myself out. I want to emphasize how amazing this place has been for me - without it, I have no idea where I'd be right now. I don't want to make it sound like I just used it while I was going manic on my friends. It was more than that - it really did become a hobby I greatly enjoyed.

But it became sort of . . . its own life. It became unbelievably taxing and by the time I was ready to go back to my friends - the most important people in my life (alongside my fiance) - my inability to balance my outside life with ST caused for me to become extremely tense, stressed, worn out. I wasn't able to operate the way I could initially. This site became the source of an immense amount of stress because I felt guilty for not doing more, yet couldn't do more, and frankly needed to do less. I wore myself out despite others warning me not to; it had become a snowball effect.

It really, really damaged my relationships outside of this site. I haven't spoken to my best friend very much in months. Even though I haven't been here for two weeks or so, I've been having a hard time talking to her again.

I don't want to say this to invoke sympathy or anything of the sort. I apologize if I am being too personal. But I want to explain this to everyone so that they can understand why I'm leaving, because I feel you all have the right to know. You're all important to me and I hope we can all be friends and keep in contact from time-to-time. I really would like that.

Also, I'll be back. I promise. Message me on Skype or post in my journal if you want to say anything to me specifically. For now though, this is goodbye to everyone.

[Rumour]

I hate goodbyes… so I think I’ll torture myself by repeating my goodbye here.

I said this to you on Skype, but I’d like to say it again here: you will be missed. Thank you for all of your contributions, your spirit, your desire to create the best work possible, and your creative brilliance. Please take your time, focus on your loved ones, and come back when you feel better able to balance ST with offline life.

Thank you for sharing your reasons with us honestly and vulnerably. I dearly hope to see you around in character, or at very least on Skype from time to time.

We’ll be eagerly awaiting your return.

x

[Incubus]

Couldn't get a better goodbye. Firstly because you're awesome and secondly because Lana is my favorite artist, haha

This is our song, baybeh. serenades Rumour