Fantasy RPG Forum - Standing Trials

Five days.

Qit had been a ghost for five days so far.

The first day, she was sad, spent much of it moping about, having first figured out that she could move back and forth from Faith, Caza, and Oonah. Apparently they were her "anchors". That word alone had been a whole explanation ordeal because while Qit knew what an anchor for a ship was, in the Xanthean tongue, the ghost anchor didn't translate so cleanly from Common. Plus she'd never heard that Xanthean word before either. It was a whole mess.

The second day was spent learning how to interact with Caza. That had been her favorite day so far. She was so happy that she could still touch and talk and love her daughter as much as she wished. It truly made everything worthwhile. She was so happy she could still do that, and she had Faith to thank for that.

The third day was spent in boredom. For some reason, she was exhausted of her ectoplasm and was hardly able to do anything. She mostly just followed Caza around making sure she stayed safe.

The fourth day was depression. She missed eating, breathing, roaming the wilds. She was going stir crazy stuck in this house. She wanted out. She wanted to be alive again. To feel alive again.

Today, the fifth day, she was guilty. She was realizing just how much Faith had done for her, throughout their friendship. Faith truly was her rock. She was always there for her. Faith never turned her away, never denied her, gave her everything she needed.

And Qit never gave back.

She was selfish. All she'd ever cared about was herself, and her survival, and later, her baby. She'd never even realized this before. Why was Faith so loyal to her then? Was Qit only loyal to Faith because she'd been so useful? Qit brooded on this for a couple of hours this morning, as she roamed the halls of the house, spreading her self pity and wallowing in her misery.

Eventually her feet carried her into the office where Faith was working on something. Writing away. Another pang of guilt. Qit hadn't taken the time to learn to read and write before going after Yeye. Another way she'd let Faith down. Wait. No. That was her mother that wondered that. Qit had quite the confused look on her face as she tried to unjumble her memories, as the dog looked up at her and wuffed.

Settling her head back, she looked at Faith, not even trying to hide the sadness upon her face. "Hi Faith."

She took a deep breath, irritated at not actually feeling in air in her lungs.

At Faith's question, "I sorry."

The room grew a bit colder as Qit dipped into her sadness even more. Caza crawled on in, having been following her mother around, giggling the whole time. "I want help you sister." The temperature dropped some more. Caza didn't notice, for she was in the onesie Faith made her, so she warm and content. The dog's breath was now visible though. "I not... I not good sister. You do muchly me. I no do muchly you."

Her shoulders slumped, and her eyes were avoiding Faith's at all costs. "I sorry I die. It hurt you heart muchly. Oonah heart muchly. Paddyrags heart muchly."

She knew how much it hurt her own heart when Yeye died. He was the best man she knew, not that she knew so many. He could make anyone smile. Qit hadn't smiled in so long. And she didn't know the last time she tried to make someone smile. She couldn't remember the last time she'd even cared.

"I want help you, sister. I want do muchly you. To show heart."

Colder the room grew, frost on the inside of the glass. "I want feel..." She didn't dare say the world, realizing it was another selfish thought. Alive. Her throat tightened, and it was hard to breathe, despite not needing to or being able. Her eyes filled with tears, and she held an arm against her body. "Can I do help for you?"

Qit listened, feeling the tears welling up behind her eyes. She knew they weren't real, just as she wasn't real, but still, they were there. Qit didn't think her defense of the family, her death, was of the same value of everything Faith had done for her. Everything Faith had done for her was out of the kindness of her heart, was above and beyond the normal, was more than anyone should or could ask for. She'd accepted Qit, as she was. She never tried to change Qit. She'd helped Qit, she'd shown patience and understanding. She was firm with Qit when she panicked, and comforting when she was lost.

Qit felt that far outweighed the life she'd given. Because defending those you love was something you had to do. Was something you needed to do, that you must do. And Qit would do it a thousand times again and again. Because that's what you do for family. It was not for a reward, it was not for thanks, it was not to feel good. You do it because family is always more than yourself. Her life simply was not close to the value that Faith's kindness had been.

Qit didn't want thanks, but Faith had already said what she wanted. In a bare whisper of her own, "I love you too." And from her stabbed heart of hearts, she meant it. Before Faith moved onto more official business, Qit stepped in close, and embraced her tight. The room immediately warmed back up to normal, even a bit more as Qit was pulled from her despair.

Qit stepped away, and scooped up Caza, who glowed, "Ama!" Qit nuzzled the girl's nose and then faced them both back toward Faith. Aunt Faith. She told Caza so in this moment, in both languages. The little girl looked at Faith blinking and smiling, "Fuh!" Qit smiled. "Yes. Be better ghost mama. It... hard. Move from Beneath muchly hard. I try open door two break. Much mad."

She dipped cold again. "I get mad muchly. I not want be."

At Faith's mention of the Order, Qit perked up. Faith was their leader now. And Qit's mind was immediately cast to her father, to their final moments together in Rharne. But Faith wanted to talk about it, and it sounded to Qit like she needed it. Qit moved over, sitting in a chair nearby, setting Caza down to roam. The girl was restless, always crawling about.

"We talk you choices. We talk my choices later. I here to help you. To help Order."

Qit couldn't help the next bit, not that she ever truly could help herself. "Yeye would like you muchly. Be muchly proud." It was the first time she'd said his name aloud since she returned from Rynmere.

Qit remembered feeling that... whatever that box nonsense was. She hadn't thought much of it, and wouldn't have known much more, or even thought on it, had she not been informed. She wasn't sure exactly what Faith meant on that. Ghosts could grow? But apparently they could. But until Saun, Qit was not able to. Was that a good thing? Bad thing? She had a million questions. She didn't need to ask them though. Qit trusted Faith. And Faith told her to focus on her family. To not lose herself. And so, Qit would.

At the continuation on Yeye though, Qit was saddened. But following Faith's advice, she scooped up Caza and looked her straight in the eyes. The little girl smiled, reaching out to touch Qit's face. Qit spoke to Caza, though the words were meant for Faith, and the sadness was not so strong. "Yeye in Order before I born. No know how long arcs, but many. I.. leave home muchly young. Family break." That one stung Qit, and at the word break, a window pain cracked. She winced. It had been an accident. "I sorry. Yeye not do Order while he sad. He work in home. Help some who come to him." She smiled, "When with child, I go home. He smile. No more sad. He go back to Order."

But Qit's ethereal blood was running cold. Faith could bring him back. It would be temporary. But he could be back. There was a problem with that though. One that Qit. She couldn't remember how much Faith knew or how much she'd told her. So she said so now.

Rage and sadness both flowed through her now, "He not same. Mantis take Yeye magic. It..." Her face scrunched up angrily and another window pane shattered completely, "break his mind." Caza grew wide eyed at the sudden sound, and then tears began to fill the little girl's eyes. Qit'ria's focus on that event though didn't allow her to notice, "They tear magic from soul, no care. They rip his soul." She was snarling now, Caza crying into her chest, "I kill him. He want free."

Her eyes turned onto Faith's, seething, though not at her sister, "Thanks muchly. No. No bring Yeye back. He free now. Free from his broke soul." Then she felt the tears of her daughter upon her chest, and Qit's demeanor changed once more. The rage dissipated almost instantly, and she was back to cooing and talking softly to the little girl, calming her down. Qit was smiling, and was back to happy.

Qit now spoke again. "I want... I want do some nice for Yeye. I bury him under tree in Rynmere. He would muchly like that. But no one know he gone. They need know. Hork'alin, brother, in Desnind has Yeye cloak." Qit wasn't sure what she wanted to say next, but the words sort of just spilled out, "I want Yeye cloak. I want wear for Order. I want earn. I want help, for Yeye, for you. What I do to help?"

Qit nodded at Faith's words about healing the soul, of not destroying mages. She trusted Faith in this as well, but it was not as easy of a trust. She'd seen what the Mantis did. She had not yet seen what Faith could do in that regard. She believed the intent, she just needed to see the ability. Qit kissed the top of Caza's head, glad to hear that Faith accepted her into the Order.

She watched curiously as Faith began to draw, and spoke. And Qit listened. This was just how Yeye used to teach her things. Her mother too. As Faith spoke, Qit understood. Qit stayed quiet as Faith spoke. She understood the hierarchy of things it seemed. Hierarchy was something that existed in nature, and with spirits. It was not a difficult thing to get a basic grasp on.

As Faith continued, explaining her desire to focus on those that needed help first. Faith asked Qit a question, but Qit was thinking. Person first. Qit had questions, but she was trying to focus her mind on the problem at hand. She tried to think of it in terms she knew better. As she thought, she closed her eyes, and she said her questions aloud as she went.

A patient was something to be hunted. Faith wanted to find them all, she assumed. She wanted to cure everyone of whatever was needed to be cured. That was like a goal Qit had in her youth, to hunt every beast in the world, to prove herself the greatest predator. But it still required that starting point.

"How find person? Why person come you? Order go to person need help. Order hunt sickness. Not wait..."

Qit thought of other things she did while hunting. "Can follow...sickness?" She didn't know if such a thing was a thing, merely speaking aloud. "Watch sick person. Learn what do..." Her brow furrowed as things began to get confusing again. She huffed and plopped down into seated position on the floor, Caza on her lap.

She thought about things that happened to her, reasons she had to be healed, by Faith or by herself. But she wasn't sure if that was a good measuring stick to go by. City people were weak. She was strong. And she couldn't expect weak people to be stronger. They were like babies. All you could do is teach them...

"Teach persons how not sick better. Not just Order persons, all persons."

But still, none of this felt any good to Qit, yet she thought something was making sense in her mind, and was just unable to express it. Something was nagging at her. She opened her eyes and looked down at Caza, seeing the vine on the girl's wrist wriggle about, playing with her daughter. She remembered being scared of going to the Order when she knew she was pregnant. She remembered not trusting strangers. She remembered not wanting to be alone when it was time to give birth. She remembered Yeye and how he was part of the community first and the Order second.

She wasn't sure how to word it in Common, but she gave it a go anyways. "Family first, Order next." She stood up now. "Sick and hurt much afearfill. Order afearfill as place of sick and hurt. No be place for heal. Be place of family. Family no afear."

At Faith's question of her from earlier though, Qit took a more practical approach, "What ghost do that person not do?" Qit knew she could walk through walls and venture to the Beneath, but she didn't know really how that was helpful.

Qit listened, and listened carefully. She watched the sketches and understood. Pregnant women. Children. Elderly. But Faith was missing two. Qit grabbed the charcoal pencil Faith had been using. Or rather, she tried. Her fingers disappeared into it. Her brows furrowed and her face grew stern. Her daughter saw this change and mimicked it upon her own face.

Qit focused her stubbornness into her fingers. Faith said solid. That meant it was possible. So Qit forced it. It took a long while, but she could see her fingers growing whiter. Soon, the pencil was no longer visible through her hand. She reached out again and found she could hold it. She could feel it, sort of. But it was muted. More like, she could tell it was there, but it didn't feel like anything. She couldn't tell by feel alone that it was made of wood. It could've been made of feathers or fire for all she knew.

But still, she picked it up.

And she reached forward on the paper and drew two incredibly crude shapes. One was a spear, one was a head with a sad face. She looked at Faith, pointing at the spear, "Fighter." Then she pointed at the sad head, "Mind. Broke. Yeye." She didn't know the words to say it, but she was referencing to soldiers, guards, hunters. People with a high risk of combat based injuries. The second figure was people with broken minds and other mental disorders. She just didn't know the technical terms.

Qit knew what it was to be pregnant. Qit knew about raising her child. Qit knew about broken minds, for her own was. She knew that. But she was able to keep it in check with the spiritual art of meditation. She knew about combat injuries and having to take care of yourself. The only area she didn't know anything about was old people things. She could learn that, she supposed.

And Faith wanted her to be in charge.

Qit had never been in charge of anyone before, other than herself and her child. It was... daunting. But... She was not alone in this world anymore. She was part of Faith's family. She was Oonah's sister. She was part of the Order. This meant that she would have to deal with more people. A part of her blanched at the thought. She'd had too many bad runins with people to ever trust them.

But Faith had earned that trust. So had Oonah. So had Padraig. So had Mack. It was a short list. Trust would have to be the cornerstone of all of this. Family meant trust. The order needed to be family to the city, to all the people they needed to help.

She would have to give, and get, trust, from strangers.

She looked down at Caza, kissing her child upon the forehead, "I do that."

She didn't know how she would. She didn't know what she didn't know. She didn't know much, but she knew she would do this.

She looked over at Faith. "I do this."