Fantasy RPG Forum - Standing Trials

On the 5th of Saun Devin Thorn, thief, con man extraordinaire and recently ordained priest of Delroth (which had been quite a surprising development, to be honest), stood in front of the huge wall mirror in the living room of the nice little house that he had rented and admired his reflection. It was something that he did quite often because he had been blessed by the Immortal of Vanity and because he just couldn’t believe how handsome he was sometimes, but this time there was a deeper purpose behind all the narcissism.

A few breaks earlier, he had perused the local noticeboard and found out that the Toma family were looking for a tutor for their son. Some research had revealed that they were quite wealthy – Mr. Toma was a doctor, and Mrs. Toma was an apothecary of some skill who regularly supplied the local hospital with potions – and thus Devin had decided that he would be their son’s tutor even though his academic qualifications were lacking. In fact, they were non-existent, and he had never even seen a university from inside.

That didn’t matter in the least though. He was a masterful liar, besides, he couldn’t wait to make them fork over all of their precious nels because they were so desperate for their son to follow in their footsteps and become a brilliant academic even though he might be illiterate for all that he knew – and perhaps steal a few valuables on his way out.

He looked rather different from his usual, flamboyant and eccentric self. He had put a blonde wig on, he had shaved what little he had in the way of facial hair (which was not a lot), and he had put a suit on, a very sensible, dark blue suit that had of course been expensive, because he had decided never to wear anything but the most expensive clothes again in order to make Delroth proud. He was even wearing a tie, even though the stupid thing was nearly choking him. He didn’t understand why some men liked ties so much.

They looked stupid, they just hung there, and when you used them for the only thing that they were really good for – which was wiping your mouth or your dirty hands with them – people either looked at you in shock or complained that you didn’t have any manners.

He turned around in order to inspect his reflection from all angles and decided that he looked fantastic. There was one thing that was missing though. He rooted through his various chests and shelves until he found a book bag and one of the few books that he owned which was a book on human anatomy and contained a lot of interesting as well as a few mildly disturbing pictures (he hadn’t known that he looked like that on the inside!).

They wouldn’t believe that he was an academic if he didn’t have any books, so he stuffed the anatomy book into the bag, added an empty notebook, a pen and a vial of ink, and then he went on his way, whistling happily because he was so excited about all the nels that he would get.

About a break later he found himself sitting in a very nice and luxurious house on a couch and facing the three Tomas who were sitting on another couch, opposite of him. All three of them had pale blue eyes and looked as if they didn’t have any eyebrows because their hair was such a light shade of blonde. Mr. and Mrs. Toma looked quite snooty and regarded him as if he were some sort of disgusting little insect while Jivan, his prospective student was sitting there, with his legs spread wide and one arm draped over the back of the couch, looking as if he was nearly bored out of his mind and quite annoyed, too.

Mrs. Toma wore a dark violet dress that was, while obviously expensive, very conservative, and her husband and her son were dressed in suits that looked even more uncomfortable than his own suit, he noticed, before his gaze drifted to the paintings on the wall and the nice golden candelabra that stood on a nearby table. He was just wondering if it would fit into his bag when he heard Mrs. Toma speak. “You received your Charter in Linguistics and Zoology from the University of Rynmere, is that correct, Mr. Carter?” she wanted to know and looked at him for approval.

“That is correct”, Devin who was currently masquerading as Alastair Andromedon Carter III, an accomplished academic from Andaris, confirmed and tried to imitate her posh, upper-class accent.

“May I see your certificates then?” Mrs. Toma asked. “You’ll understand that I cannot just take your word for it, Mr. Carter. Only the best is good enough for my baby.” Said baby glowered at her as if he were secretly entertaining thoughts of murdering her before he went back to lounging on the couch and taking up a lot of space.

“I’m afraid that I don’t have them anymore”, he lied and pointed at his eyes that were an unusual shade of violet and resembled two swirling nebulas – the result of an accident with a magical tree. “I’m a mage, as you can probably tell. As you may know, King Cassander outlawed magic and ordered all mages to be burned at the stake. I barely escaped with my life. If I had gone back in order to get my things, I would be dead now.”

“I see”, Mr. Toma who had been quiet so far replied, obviously displeased and looked at his wife for a moment before he replied, “You will find that we are a very open-minded family even though none of us are mages, Mr. Carter. That you don't have any certificates is most unfortunate though. I think …”

“If you aren’t content with my work, you don’t have to pay me!” Devin quickly told him as it sounded as if he was about to tell him to leave. He wasn’t in the least worried that he would fail. How hard could it be to get the university to accept Jivan?

If worse came to worst, there'd always be that nice candelabra ...

“Very well. We are willing to let you give it a try, Mr. Carter. If we are content with the way this lesson went, you will be allowed to return. Is that acceptable?” Mr. Toma wanted to know and raised a nearly non-existent eyebrow questioningly.

Devin quickly nodded, and Mrs. Toma turned to face her son. “Jivan, show your new tutor to your room. And sit up straight. We aren’t barbarians here!” The boy muttered something incomprehensible, but after an angry look from his mother, he stood up – very slowly and reluctantly – and gestured for Devin to follow him down the hallway.

“I’ve already had half a dozen tutors”, Jivan informed him, as if he were proud of the fact, and opened the door to his room. Devin followed him inside and took a look around. It was a nice room, and about ten times bigger than the room that he had had as a boy, with white and golden furniture and a huge window that offered a spectacular view of the garden. He couldn’t help but be slightly envious. “Most of them didn’t last a ten-trial. My parents want me to become a doctor, but I have better things to do than sit in a classroom all trial long and listen to some nasty old man or woman. You get it?”

With that he took his tie off, bunched it up into a small ball and hurled it across the room, and then he plopped down on the bed, a very nice, four poster bed with silken covers and velvet pillows. “So don’t bother trying.” Any other tutor, Devin realized, would have disagreed and insisted that getting an education was very important, but Devin wasn’t like most tutors – because he wasn’t one at all. He simply cocked his head a little to the side and listened, with an amused smile and a somewhat quizzical look on his face.

“I’m going to become a drug-dealer. I don’t need a degree for that”, Jivan informed him in a very matter-of-fact tone and glowered at him, daring him to disagree with him, and continued, “So how would you like me to get rid of you? I can mix something into your drink so that you throw up and get terrible diarrhea at the same time. It worked with my first tutor. I can ask you all kinds of inappropriate questions, I can simply sit there and not do anything until you give up, I can pretend that I’m stupid, I can entertain you with stories of torture and terrible maiming, I can threaten to kill you, I can …”

“Or you can simply shut up and listen to me”, Devin interjected and raised a hand so that Jivan would keep quiet for a moment. He plopped down on the bed next to Jivan, removed his tie as well because his breathing was seriously impaired at this point - it was much too tight - and informed him, because he had decided that being truthful for a change would be the best course of action here, “I don’t care about teaching you. I’m just here to make some money and get rich. Drug-dealer is a perfectly acceptable career, provided that you don’t get caught. I’d hate studying as well. But you know what? Those parents of yours are feking rich. If you get a degree, they’ll be so happy that they’ll shower you with nels – that you can then use to fund your drug-dealing business.”

“I told you that I …” Jivan began, but Devin interrupted him, “I said that I’d hate studying as well, so I won’t make you. There are a few other, perfectly acceptable ways to get a degree. I’ll show them to you – provided that you promise me not to tell your parents about it and pretend that we spent the whole trial with mathematics and similarly boring subjects. What do you say, Jivan?”

“Sure”, Jivan said only to narrow his eyes in suspicion a moment later. “Is this going to be work? I won’t be working! I hate working!” he proclaimed and glowered at Devin.

“Nah”, Devin quickly assured him. “It’s fun. It involves …” He paused for a moment to heighten the suspense before he grinned and informed Jivan, “Forbidden things. Things that your parents would disapprove of!”

Jivan looked really excited as he heard that.

“So do you want to know how to get a degree without ever opening a book or not?” Devin asked, narrowed his eyes and looked at Jivan appraisingly before he asked, “How old are you, by the way?”

“Nineteen”, Jivan replied and looked at Devin in confusion. “But what does that have to do with anything?”

“In that case”, Devin decided and leaned back slightly. “The easiest way to get your degree or better grades is to sleep with your professors. Seducing your professors is a great way to become an accomplished academic without studying – or even showing up for class, if you are lucky!” he proclaimed, grinning.

“Uhh …” Jivan made and just stared at Devin who realized that, maybe, this had not been such a good idea. “There are also plenty of other ways to get a degree without studying though – such as cheating at exams which would require you to actually show up for class though – because you can’t cheat if you aren’t there!”

Jivan’s eyes lit up as he heard that. “Teach me how to cheat at exams!” he demanded.

Devin grinned and began, “There are several different ways to cheat at exams. The easiest way is to just write the information you need for the exam down on a small piece of paper and put it on your lap or hide it under a sleeve. This is a high-risk method though. Most teachers tend to watch their students during exams”, he pointed out.

Jivan nodded before his eyes suddenly widened, and he stared at Devin as if he were seeing him for the first time. “Are you sure that you are a real teacher, Mr. Carter?” he wanted to know. Apparently, Devin realized, it had just occurred to him that most tutors wouldn’t teach you how to cheat, a little belatedly.

“I’m as much of a teacher as you are a drug-dealer”, he replied and continued, grinning, because he was having so much fun – just like Jivan, it seemed, who went back to listening to him with rapt attention. “You can also sit behind somebody who tends to do well on tests and look over their shoulder. This obviously only works if everybody gets the same questions. You can write stuff on your pen or on your desk. I did that when I was in school, and I assure you, it worked perfectly. You can bring a piece of paper that looks like exactly the exam paper, but has all the information that you need on it. And finally, you can just break into the university and check if your professor has a copy of the exam in their office …”

“I thought we could go through the different cheating methods in more depth tomorrow”, he said. “What do you think? Don’t forget to tell your parents that I tortured you with maths, by the way! It wouldn’t do if they found out that I’m teaching you how to cheat at exams!” he informed him before he left the room, a very sullen looking Jivan in tow and marched straight towards his parents, telling them which topics they had supposedly covered that trial and what they would do the following trial.

They were surprised, as expected, and absolutely overjoyed!