Surrounding Waters
13th Zi'da, 718
13th Zi'da, 718
It was remarkably fitting that luck shared its patron Immortal, Chrien, with storms, for just as stormclouds could spring up out of nowhere across a clear blue sky so too could bad luck roll out of nowhere right in the middle of a lucky streak.
The Skylance pirates had had a good haul this season. They'd been able to intercept a nice fat, lazy cargo ship carrying spices across Scalvoris waters, and the crew had surrendered their prize without a fight. It had seemed to everyone like this season's work was going to be an easy one.
Until the bad luck had hit.
By pure misfortune a large patrol of Water Troop ships had happened across them as they returned to port, and had flagged them down for an inspection. Vastly outnumbered and too slow to outrun them with a hold full of stolen spice, the crew had no choice but to surrender themselves for inspection.
And so there Tio stood on deck, with the rest of his crew behind him, waiting nervously as a gangplank came down from the biggest ship in the group to connect to his. Piracy was dealt with harshly by the Elements, and as the captain he could expect to face public execution! His only hope was to somehow talk his way out of this.
Heavy boots clomped their way down the gangplank, and Tio looked up to see a mountain of a man leading down a large, well armed boarding party. His sunburnt skin, smooth bald head and steely glare gave him the look of a true professional, and Tio's heart sank as he recognized him as the type of man who'd be able to spot the type of bulls**t he used in his lies a mile away.
But when the muscle-bound man and his troops reached the deck they all parted down the middle and stood to attention. “Captain on deck!” the muscle-man boomed as a second figure shuffled down the gangplank.
Tio had to fight to keep the smirk off his face as the actual captain stepped onto deck. He'd lied enough times to know a gullible person when he saw one, and this guy was a prime example. His titchy spectacles, wiry frame and chicken-like body language painted him as more of a hapless council clerk than a captain. How had a guy like this ended up in command of his own ship?
“I'm very sorry sir, b- but we're going to have to investigate your ship on suspicion of piracy…” the captain stuttered out, clearly nervous at having to take control of a situation. An infinitely small smirk flicked across the corner of Tio's mouth. If he laid the melodrama on nice and thick he just knew he could steer this conversation in any direction he wanted.
“Piracy?! Us?! Sir, that is slander to our good name!” He declared uproariously. “We are but simple fishermen! You should be ashamed of yourself, accusing honest workers of such things without a shred of evidence!”
The captain squeaked like a mouse and subconsciously took a step backwards. “R- right, of course, silly me! I'm so sorry…”
“Captain, they're flying a black flag.” The muscleman growled irritably. Tio looked up at his crows nest to see that he had in fact forgotten to have his jolly roger taken down after the earlier raid.
“Oh that! Well you see it… err… got dyed in the wash.”
“What could you possibly have been washing it with that dyed the whole thing black?!”
“Umm… ink! I was washing my… quills?”
The captain raised his eyebrows at him questioningly and asked. “Why would you wash your quills?” Tio gasped overdramatically, and picking up on what he was doing the rest of his crew followed suit.
“You mean you don't even wash your quill before writing a letter? You write people letters using filthy, dirty ink?! How vulgar! How slovenly! Shame on you!”
The captain recoiled as if stung again. “Oh my, how rude of me! I'm so sorry…”
The muscleman's expression crinkled into a scowl. “Then why does your flag have a skull and crossbones on it?”
“Oh that? Why that's not a skull and crossbones, it just looks like one from a distance. It's actually a… snowman's head and… crossed bananas.”
The muscleman’'s expression morphed into one of shocked disbelief. “And why in U'frek's name would a fishing ship fly a snowman and bananas on their flag!?”
Tio's mind frantically raced to come up with an excuse. “Well… it's… in honour of my parents! They were banana merchants, who were… umm… killed by a snowman!”
In perfect synchronization the crew of both ships slowly turned to stare at him as if he had been dropped on his head. All except for the Element captain, who nodded his head sympathetically.
“That must have been very tragic for you. I'm sorry for your loss.”
Now all heads turned to look at him as if he'd been dropped, Tio's included. He was actually buying it?! The muscleman stepped forwards.
“Sir please, he's obviously making this up on the spot. Let's just arrest them and…”
“You think I'm lying? How cruel!” Tio interjected, sensing that he had to interrupt him before he could sway the captain. He forced a crocodile tear to roll down his cheek and looked aside in mock-hurt. “I can still remember the expression on my daddy's last face as the raging snow dragged him under.” More tears rolled down his cheeks as he made himself cry.
“Adam! Look what you've done! You've made him cry!” The captain exclaimed, glancing back and forth between the two. “I'm-... I'm so sorry about him. Please forgive us.”
“Captain, we've found barrels below deck! They're full of spice.”
Tio's head snapped around towards the source voices, to find two Element troops poking their heads out of the stairway into his ship. Damn it! They must have snuck by while everyone else was distracted by his lies. A smug smile crossed Adam’s face.
“Well well well, now why would a fishing ship need barrels of spice?”
“Why? I'll tell you why! It's because… umm…” a thin layer of sweat formed on the back of his neck as he mentally grasped at straws for an answer. “... to bait spicefish with.”
“... spicefish?”
“That's right.”
“...”
“...”
“... I've never heard to them.”
“That's because you're not a fisherman. They're very big in foreign markets.”
Adam gave an unimpressed snort. “So if you're returning to port you must have already caught some of these fish right? Where are they?”
“Well… we're all really bad fishermen.”
“And where are your fishing rods?”
“We forgot them back at home. Hence why we didn't catch any fish. I told you we were really bad fishermen.”
The captain nodded as if that actually sounded like a plausible explanation to him. “Hmm… yes, I too often forget to bring my equipment to work.”
Adam looked like he was on the verge of disputing the point again, but was interrupted by the soldiers who'd crept into the cargo hold. “Captain, these barrels all have the name ‘Buxom Mermaid’ on them.”
“Buxom Mermaid.” Adam said slowly, letting a cat-like grin cross his lips. “And yet this ship is called The King of Imps. Now why would you happen to be carrying cargo stamped with another ship's name I wonder?”
Tio's face paled as he realised he was on the verge of being caught out. Panicking, he blurted out the first words that came to his head. “Well… that's because… Buxom Mermaid is my name.”
Adam shot him a look of pure incredulity, as if he'd suddenly grown five heads. “Your name is Buxom Mermaid?!”
“That's Captain Buxom Mermaid to you sonny.”
The Water Troop captain stared at him in silence for a moment, his expression betraying no sign of what he was thinking. Then as if a switch had been flicked he smiled pleasantly. “I see. Well that makes sense. Let's go boys, and leave these good fellows to their work. Clearly we've made a mistake here.”
“Captain! You- You cannot be serious!” Adam exclaimed in shock.
“Now now Adam, let's not lose our heads here. Captain Mermaid seems like a fine, upstanding citizen to me.” The captain replied sagely. He waved his hand in a gesture for his troops to return to the ship, and as they hesitantly made their ways back up the gangplank. “Sorry again for the interruption Buxom. Have a good day.”
Tio, along with the rest of his crew, watched in mild disbelief as the Water Troops disappeared up the gangplank and sailed off again. When they were definitely out of earshot Grace the quartermaster looked over to him with utter bewilderment.
“I have… literally no logical explanation as to how on Idalos you actually managed to blag your way out of that.”
“Honestly Grace… I don't either.” Tio replied, shaking his head to try and clear out his own disbelief. “Come on, let's get out of here in case they change their minds and come back.”
