roast session

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A section for players to give reviews and feedback on other users' and their writing style. This can be in the form of praise or constructive criticism.

roast session

Postby Yndira » Wed Apr 19, 2017 8:11 pm

Hi, hello there!

Before you reconsider staying in this thread, please just take a moment to possibly drag me to hell and back. I have no doubt that my writing could use some serious improvement, and I have no qualms with being ripped to shreds considering I do that to myself anyways.

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Thanks and have a marvelous evening/day/whenever tf it is for you!
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Yndira
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Location: Rynmere
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roast session

Postby Altwing of Ehryth » Mon Jun 12, 2017 12:54 am

You were the first person to say hello to me when I joined today (or yesterday, it now being just past midnight) and so I decided to take you up on your offer of critiquing your work. Being that I am an award-winning Fantasy Critic. Well, it was an Internet Award, but it was from a former VP of SFWA, so very minor accolade though it was, I get to use it. :D

Anyway... I am reviewing [Krome] "There was another" which is here: viewtopic.php?f=196&t=6692&p=43000#p43000

I thought it was pretty awesome. Alexa can really write. I mean, she can really really write. I have nothing to say about her writing beyond that it's awesome, and if she isn't already a published writer, she should certain consider it.

Now then, on to Yndira. Just as good as Alexa. Though I'm a bit lost about the race. I admit I have no idea what a 'Naer' is, though even though that's my own ignorance as a new reader, a bit of exposition would have been useful. Anyway, I get the gist from 'feeding' and 'darkness' that it's some sort of vampire or zombie, perhaps werewolf, so that's okay. On the positive side I firmly follow her stream of consciousness, her attempt to find her husband at the Sky place. Not sure who Sky is-- is that the husband? The only sentence I quibble with is 'Those people who could not be afforded the luxury she enjoyed?' Personally, I would edit that to 'Those people who could not afford the luxury she enjoyed?'

The next post of yours has my all-time favorite line: 'Then the woman gave her name. It was inconsequential to the Naer. She would likely forget it once she left Alexa's company.' I suppose for irony I might change that to 'Then the woman gave her name. It was inconsequential to the Naer. She would likely forget it once she left ... the hunter's company.' But it really works either way, and is a very skillful way to give insight into Yndira's way of looking at the world.

I really enjoyed reading the thread, and look forward to seeing more of them!
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roast session

Postby Jedith Skylar » Tue May 29, 2018 4:04 pm

You are in luck — sort of — given that I'm a bit of a Wheel of Time fan, and blood Begets blood, reminds me of the 'dark prophecy' from The Great Hunt; I'd be happy to review your thread and make any comments. Since I already review for some starting writers, who most publish independently, I have some experience in this area. I have a specific rubric that I use, which I can post more about if you want, but otherwise, just relax and enjoy my review when you finish your thread: remember, remember, remember, nobody was born being a great writer, so take this as a great learning experience.


The ugliest 12 arc old in Idalos.

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The writer for Jedith is blind, errors are to be expected; he would appreciate it if you'd point them out when you notice them. Also Discord is a total impossibility at present, so PM or talk to him on his journal page, thanks.
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