The Negative One

A section for players to give reviews and feedback on other users' and their writing style. This can be in the form of praise or constructive criticism.

The Negative One

Postby Kovic » Tue Jan 31, 2017 5:55 pm

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Welcome to Kovic's player review thread!


Let's lay it out; nobody's perfect, and unfortunately, that includes me as well. Writing is a very basic skill, one of the first we instruct into youths once their mind is ready. However, we are different! We strive to not only transmit information through it, but also stories, feelings, and something worth remembering to summarize it all. In said case, I'm no different from everyone in these dank forums of ours.

Back to the topic.

Praise and pats in the back feel good, I'll admit that. However, one learns through his mistakes, which is something I've found to be quite true in my own personal experience. As such, I would like you to lay out every single flaw, big or small, you may have encountered whilst writing, plotting, interacting with me, or found throughout reading my posts/threads. You don't have to write 2000 words, but a quick point in the right direction can be of extreme help!

Are my plots real bad? Was my post (or posts!) weak? Perhaps bad spelling ruined your enjoyment? This is the place to come to!

I know it's hard to ask for blunt honesty, but I can promise that if you do, I would not only be really grateful, but also aware of those flaws which I'd try to correct from that moment onward. No hard feelings spawn from improvement, too! Whether you leave it here or in my inbox, I would appreciate it anyway.

Thanks for visiting!
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Kovic
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The Negative One

Postby Avrae Kyric » Thu Feb 02, 2017 1:49 pm

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Hello Kovic! You were warned that I was on my way, and here I am.

To review you, I read some of your most recent threads- My Candy Crush (with Tirta), Bad Teacher (Solo), and The Pie Chart (Solo).

Now... be warned, you asked for criticism and I plan to give it. Of course, you can take it with a grain of salt because it is my personal opinion. But I plan to tell the truth.

The Negative

1. Tough to Follow - To be honest, I always enjoy writing that is relatable. Writing that is easy to read, easy to skim through. Yours, while brilliant, had me constantly going back to reread. Your writing in the solos was very good and I didn't have this problem at all. However, in your posts with Tirta, it felt very much like you were trying hard to pull more of out your posts than was needed. Her posts were fun and easy, lighthearted even. Yours were much more eloquently written- but in a way that had me keep going back to reread. It felt like I was reading an older book, like that of LOTR or Game of Thrones. Which, mind you, is not a bad thing. However, given the simplistic nature of the thread, that kind of writing felt a little out of place. I would read Tirta's threads like a breeze, then struggle through yours because it felt like there was a level of intensity and detail that, while I enjoy detail, was unneeded. It could be just me and the type of roleplay I prefer, however, because your roleplay is very good and very well written.

2. Paplo vs. Kovic - This is another matter of opinion. When first reading your thread with Tirta, there were certain points where you would skip from Paplo to Kovic that were confusing for me, especially for someone who hasn't been following your threads. Personally, I would refer to Kovic as Kovic when he's thinking or when just writing out his actions, and only have him referred to as Paplo if someone else is talking or referring to him, or if he himself is thinking of himself as Paplo. When you switched from Paplo to Kovic with little to no explanation and back again, it definitely made it a little harder to read. I would be a little more careful on how to handle this, and how to make it run a little smoother.

Example of your text: "Looking around for someone to talk to, Paplo spotted a man whom desperately tried protecting his pipe from the winds, attempting to puff smoke without much success but with plenty of frustration.
“Greetings, my dear man,” said Kovic as he approached. He had to ask the obvious. “May I ask if you happen to work in these docks?”"

How I would have written it: "Looking around for someone to talk to, Kovic spotted a man whom desperately tried protecting his pipe from the winds, attempting to puff smoke without much success but with plenty of frustration.
“Greetings, my dear man,” said Kovic as he approached. He had to ask the obvious. “May I ask if you happen to work in these docks?”"

- I would not have called him Paplo while writing outside of dialogue unless I truly needed to or there was a reason to. However, when introducing himself, Kovic would have called himself Paplo.

However, this is a very immersive way to write and I believe that this is person preference, rather than a true problem with your writing. I think it's just something to consider.

3. Smooth - As mentioned, I wasn't certain your posts ran very smoothly. That could just be me, though. I feel like writing should be a lot like your inner thoughts are, and it should be relaxed. My advice would just be to take a pause while writing, and not try too hard, let it come naturally.

4. *deep sigh of sadness* Kovic wouldn't happen to be into guys, would he? After reading him I'm a little bit in love but all my characters have romance plans. The only one not set in stone is Nikolaas but I was hoping to see how his chemistry is with Vega... *sighing again because I want Kovic but have no one for him* If any of my characters have a break up... I've got to remember this.

The Positive

1. Grammar is Good! - There is a whole lot of positive for your writing, but the one thing that as glaringly obvious was the command you have over the English language. Your writing was not boring. Even if I had to reread a bit, there was no issue with your writing itself. You had little to no spelling errors, and you avoided using "Very", instead coming up with unique and wonderful words to use that made the whole thing more interesting. It felt like you had a dictionary at hand, and you took the time and effort to make sure every word was perfect. Honestly, it was a bit like reading a work on art.

2. Indent, Indent, Indent - I loved this. You took the time to put the little indents for each new paragraph. Not only that, but you started dialogue on a new line every time. Personally, I choose not to do this in my writing, but it is the correct way to write. Your structure was flawless, it felt like I was reading a professionally written English paper.

3. Emotionally Strong - Your posts had no trouble bringing up the emotion that any good writing has. From the hilarious vibes coming off the solos I read, to the shock I had as Kovic slit the guy's throat in My Candy Crush. You have no problem with this- I was hanging off every second, waiting for the next wave to wash over me. This was very well received.

4. Tolkien 2.0 - I know I mentioned this in the negatives but I also really like this. Your style of writing makes me think of Tolkien or R.R. Martin, and that isn't something many people can pull off. You've got a very well written way of wording things.

Annnndd... I'll leave it at that, haha. Hope I wasn't too harsh, and that I'll have helped in some way! <3
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Avrae Kyric
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The Negative One

Postby Kovic » Thu Feb 02, 2017 3:49 pm

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Oh my god.

This, all of this, is golden. I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to do this review, Avrae. I've had my doubts for a while, and whilst some may call them insecurities, I call it room for improvement. You are the one brave soul whose soul rose to confirm all this.

I'll drop a bit of an explanation onto the flaws you've pointed out. I'm not trying to discredit those flaws, mind you. I'm merely trying to communicate how my mindset works.

  1. Tough to follow: I've had my suspiciouns for a while about this one. Before Kovic, I played Peake Andaris, a character that was way more simple compared to Kovic and far less complicated to explain (and write!). His posts often reached one thousand words easily, without that much fluff to them. Kovic was far different. His mind is empty of thoughts our emotions, and whilst I managed to make him playable through his acting, writing him was just... hard.

    Introspection no longer being a viable option, I set out to lean towards action rather than reaction. However, the mindset of 'reaching one thousand words on this post or otherwise I'm incompetent and uninspired and this post is shit' stuck with me. Furthemore, am excitable as hell, and when matched with writers such as Tirta, I do try to impress.

    Now that you've confirmed the issue, I'll tune it down. As you said, it should be something natural, which is something I don't feel often enough when writing Kovic.

  2. Paplo vs. Kovic: Not only an issue to write, but also an issue to explain is what this point is. I enjoy complication sometimes, as it makes for an interesting character to be discovered and interacted with - a sort of OOC bait for writers to be lured into roleplay. At the same time, I've always wanted to create a great contrast between what one finds in Kovic's CS versus what they find in a thread. Paplo is not Kovic. Actually, not even Kovic is Kovic! Kovic himself is just a character, another act, another pseudonim behind this creature I play.

    I've wondered for the longest time how to approach these distinctions, these jumps from act to act. As proven by 'My Candy Crush', jumping back and forth causes confusion, and so I'll look into new ways of portraying this.

  3. Smooth: The fluff, the desire to impress, and the overall notion that my posts are not long enough made this point. There isn't any excuse to letting one's pride interfere into his writing, and I've been trying to fight that these last couple of months I've been here. To avoid this, I'll begin proof-reading my posts. I'm glad you pointed this out, really. It was time to start being more serious with it all.



Kovic is not psychologically prepared to be romantically involved with anyone. Fortunately, his acting hides this, you are most welcome to pursue him! I never imagined anyone actually liking him (despite Travis Fimmel being his model), but if there's ever an opportunity to set something up, it can be done. Both men and women can have their shot.

Again, thank you very much, Avrae. Honesty is something important to me, as much as my competitive mindset that craves for improvement. This wasn't harsh, nor was received in any salty way. This review was fair and truthful. I'm fueled with energy and feeling very enthusiastic to write once again, for I know where I need to improve to improve my threading partner's experience. The compliments you tossed into the mix made me feel good and very proud, which is indeed something great. 8-)

You're a saint, Avrae!



Anyone else wishing to roast the Mortalborn in a totally non-cannibalistic way, this is your chance. Whether we've written together or not, whether we've interacted or not, this is the place to come if you need to get something off your chest.
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The Negative One

Postby Avrae Kyric » Thu Feb 02, 2017 4:36 pm

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Man... You sure know how to make a girl smile. XD I've never been called brave in my life, so to hear you think so means more than you know. I'm glad my review as received well. Anyay, I'll let you go but before I do I wanted to communicate back a bit about this (because conversation is key to understanding how to fix things).

1. Tough to Follow - I read some of your Peake threads! But I'm really glad you got what I meant on this one. It was the one I worried might be too negative. My main point is that, in my opinion, writing molds to what is being written. The scene, the tone of it all. My Candy Crush was an interesting thread, yet you were roleplaying with Tirta. Her roleplay style is very simple and sweet- much like her character. I felt like your roleplay style was over complicating a bit, and like you said, sometimes the quota to write a certain amount can stretch your writing more than what is natural. It's always good to take a step back, see this, and take a deep breath. I love your roleplay style and I feel like it would fit in a battle field type rp, or in a very serious moment, but when paired up against Tirta's style, it was a bit hard to read. I'm so relieved that you aren't offended by me pointing that out. Mortalborns are very difficult to rp in my opinion, so I'm not surprise you had an issue with Kovic. What I did love was that I could tell you were trying to stay in character- which is extremely important. Just remember that when staying in character, the writing that pertains to them can be that way, but the writing of the rest of the post should be a bit more natural. I'm really looking forward to reading your future posts, and I hope it becomes a bit more fun to write Kovic. Also, are you no longer rping Peake? He's pretty cool, too!

2. Paplo vs. Kovic - I totally get what you mean! I actually love the concept, I was just a little confused by the way it was brought about. If you want, I'd be happy to brainstorm with you or even proofread some future writing (totally just want a sneak peek of Kovic's future adventures, lol). But either way, this wasn't a huge issue, I just think it could have been done differently.

3. Smooth - To be a writer is to be critical of what you write. In truth, writers are perfectionists. But the important thing to remember is that none of that matters. What matters is the writing. Quality over quantity. When I write, I turn on music as loud as I can without getting a headache, and I try to tune out the world and just write. I never edit after, I never proofread, I just write and write. I try not to look at it and think "Oh, it's not long enough" or "Oh, this doesn't sound eloquent enough." If proof reading your posts help, than proofread. But I think your writing is good enough to stand on its own without that worry. So I'm glad I could help.

It figures he isn't psychologically there yet. XD That's fine. I literally have all my characters in planned, or hopeful, romances. But, should one of them die or they break up or I make a new character, you're the first one I'll message. To be honest, I was thinking of Kovic a while back when planning romances but I wasn't sure he was the romance type.

I'm really glad I could help. <3 As my first player review, I'd say this was a success. ^_^ And I know how it feels to gain inspiration, so I'm really happy that you've got a new fire to write Kovic. And I am always a sucker for complimenting people, haha. Let me know if I ever give too many compliments. There is a thing as too nice! But really, Kovic, it was my pleasure, and this was a lot of fun. <3 Drop me a pm sometime to let me know how you're doing with it, and if you're in Ne'haer, Desnind, Viden, Scalvoris, or Etzos (well, later for Eztos, once I finish Nikolaas), then let me know and I'd love to rp with you. Have fun writing! <3
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