Grill Me!

A section for players to give reviews and feedback on other users' and their writing style. This can be in the form of praise or constructive criticism.

Grill Me!

Postby Nightshade Eld » Tue Sep 20, 2016 6:39 pm

Tell me everything I do good and everything I do bad. Please, hit me with all you've got. I wanna get better.

Current Accounts:
Nightshade Eld
Ivy Gawyne
Zelferan
Aqihlih (Retired)
Common ~ Ith'Ession ~ Lorien


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Nightshade Eld
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Grill Me!

Postby Jachiel » Sat Mar 18, 2017 5:23 pm

So, this will be focused on Nightshade because she's the character I've rped with.

1. I think your writing is pretty solid. I particularly like the way that you look at an rp situation and find less obvious pathways through it - one memorable one being clearing the smoke with your wings in River of Stars.

2. I also like the way that you manage to lay out Nightshade's emotional landscape as clearly and vividly as the physical landscape around her, and clearly show what she's doing and thinking. I would note that a lot of your description focuses on sight and touch/pain. Including more of the senses - eg. what sounds does she hear, what smells are there in the air, etc - would produce an even more rounded and clearer description of where she is than you already have.

3. I was glad to see that you act at Nightshade's skill level, even when she doesn't have the confidence to realise how good she is, as with blades. Legendary, wow. So often I've seen writers fall into the trap of making their characters good at everything, successful at everything, and it's refreshing to see someone who doesn't.


I hope some of this helps. I'm not good at giving feedback.
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